I Partially Recanted

[radicalgratitude]

Yesterday, I asked my favorite cousin on my dad's side if my dad had told anyone about the allegations I had made against him or that I haven't seen him in over a year. My cousin believed me instantly that my dad molested me and then asked if he could ask his mom if she heard anything.

My aunt contacted me today and was very surprised. She had not heard anything She asked me what my allegations were. I told her about my dad masturbating next to me with his clothes on for 30 minutes. She asked me if it was possible that he was absent-mindedly rubbing himself like someone would twirl their hair or bite their lip without thinking about it, since he is the "absent-minded professor type." I told her that it was possible and I'd have to think about it. :banghead:

I told her that whatever the case, it brought up a flood of memories from my early childhood years. She asked what they were and I said I didn't feel comfortable sharing, but my dad matched the physical description of the flashbacks as well as the storyline of the memories. I said if I wasn't abused by my dad it would have to be someone similar to him who would have that kind of access to me. :facepalm: :banghead:

She said that she loves me and would pray for me as I heal from the trauma that whomever inflicted upon me. She doesn't think it's my dad because I'm not 100% certain myself.

:bag: I kind of am certain but forget it.:arghh;

 

[joeylittle]

I actually think you were really brave to talk with your cousin and then your aunt (I'm assuming this aunt is the sister of your dad?). It's not your fault she doesn't want to deal with it, and I don't know if it's your job to make her, you know? If you want to go back to her and tell her you're sure, you can do that on your own clock when you're ready. Because this:

She asked me if it was possible that he was absent-mindedly rubbing himself like someone would twirl their hair or bite their lip without thinking about it, since he is the "absent-minded professor type." I told her that it was possible and I'd have to think about it. :banghead:

Isn't recanting; it's choosing the path of least resistance in that moment. Possible, sure - but you are pretty certain. You don't need to have picked that battle right then and there. You told her you'd think about it - and when you want to tell her it was him, you can.

She asked what they were and I said I didn't feel comfortable sharing, but my dad matched the physical description of the flashbacks as well as the storyline of the memories. I said if I wasn't abused by my dad it would have to be someone similar to him who would have that kind of access to me. :facepalm: :banghead:

This was actually very gracefully done, in my opinion. She'd need to be in serious denial to not understand that this means it's him. And she isn't able to hear about this, so she'll hang out in denial til you want to clear your own decks and tell her you are positive - though it might not make her change - or until she decides to think about it and realize that there's no other likely perpetrator.

Anyway, please don't beat yourself up over this. I understand that you're angry at yourself, but (from the outside, anyway) I'd say you actually handled the whole thing really well. It's not always realistic to fight for our truth right away; sometimes it's better to push pause and regroup, you know?

 

[radicalgratitude]

Thank you so much @joeylittle! I really appreciate your taking the time to respond to this. What you wrote was validating to read. I felt like I silenced myself. Thanks for helping me see that I didn't.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

Hello Radical -

I agree with what Joey says.

This is a huge thing that happened in your life. You took the first step. That is great. So many people don't even have the courage to do that.

I think it was very wise not to push it - you left the door open for the next conversation, when you are ready.

Namaste - Laurie