Shall I Tell My Therapist That I Self Harm?

[GettingBy]

I've recently started therapy and I really want to tell my T that I'm a self harmer. I've been cutting myself for about 3 months now. My arms and thighs are completely covered in scars. I know that it's unhealthy and I hate it. But I cannot seem to stop.

The only reason why I'm holding back in telling my T is because when I first started sessions, she told me that everything would be confidential and the only time it would'nt be is if I'm harming myself or others.

I'm afraid that I'll be hospitalised because of this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I would tell your therapist so you can start addressing this cutting and self harm. I understand that it brings you relief but your body is so scarred by this. Just my thoughts. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Jane.l]

I agree with @gizmo it's important to tell your T - it's a hard thing to break - I am very open with my T about my problems with this and it helps to understand all the reasons why we do it. I think by harming yourself she probably meant suicidal issues - but if she can't deal with you cutting you need a different T because it's an issue that you need help with.

 

[Hashi]

Maybe you could start by asking your therapist about it theoretically. Maybe refer to what she said and ask where cutting fits into that. If she asks you directly whether you self harm/cut you could say something non-committal like, "I think about it, that's why I'm wondering what would happen if I did it and told you".

It would be good if you could find a way to tell her so she could help you.

I think it unlikely that you'd be hospitalised for this in the UK unless it was threatening your life or threatening permanent disability - the sad fact is that there aren't enough hospital beds for things short of suicide attempts. I can't guarantee that in your case, but it was what I was told by my GP and by my psychotherapist regarding resources in my area - that they wouldn't send out a mental health team for anything less than a serious concern of suicide.

Bear in mind that your therapist can't section you (hospitalise you against your will). This needs the agreement of two doctors, and they have to consider all possible alternatives to compulsory hospitalisation.. The following might be helpful.
[DLMURL]http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/civil-admission-to-hospital/can-i-avoid-being-sectioned/[/DLMURL]

I was afraid my therapist would want to get me hospitalised if I talked about suicidal ideation, but she didn't. Once I understood that, it was a great relief to be able to talk to her about it. I hope the same for you.

 

[GettingBy]

Maybe you could start by asking your therapist about it theoretically. Maybe refer to what she said and ask where cutting fits into that. If she asks you directly whether you self harm/cut you could say something non-committal like, "I think about it, that's why I'm wondering what would happen if I did it and told you".

It would be good if you could find a way to tell her so she could help you.

Thanks for this. I'll definitely try it the next time I see her.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I think it's very important to tell your t About your self harming, but I also think it's important to build some trust in her. She will be able to help you to deal with the reasons y u self harm and make you understand the reasons how it's not helping you physically coz ur damaging yourself. Everybody deals with trauma differently but it's just a cover up for pain that your feeling inside, and the more you don't talk about it the worse it will become. Please get the help as there are better ways in dealing with emotions without self inflicting . Good luck x please let me know how u got on

 

[Cool Cat]

I asked my T to explain that rule to me in more detail last Monday because it was hindering therapy.
He told me that it is when you are in danger, like pretty much...in serious serious danger. If you are cutting, and not doing any major damage he won't break confidentiality, it's important to tell him.

It's funny though, SH was like one of the first things I told my therapist! I felt like the other symptoms I was experiencing didn't count because they werent physical!

 

[Lolly]

I can only speak from my little sister's experience. She was cutting everyday, all over. She is very embarrassed about it and was also worried her crisis nurse/therapists/etc (I call her team the Avengers. There are so many of them!), but she eventually did tell them, and they didn't panic about it. They didn't even try to stop her doing it. All they did was talk about her feelings, and help her work through them. Eventually finding other ways to cope. It has been about three months since she last self-harmed and she is now focusing all her negative thoughts and feelings into exercising which has helped enormously.

All I can say is, tell your therapist. It will be scary to do so, but once you say it will feel as if a huge weight has been lifted. Hopefully one day it will get to the point where you won't feel the need to cut. I hope that it all goes well for you. Stay safe :)

 

[Cool Cat]

they didn't panic about it. They didn't even try to stop her doing it.

I agree, my T doesn't tell me to do it or not, he doesn't try get me to control it.
Although in my experience, the nurse I used to see about it was very much in the vein of trying to get me to stop, and she had very unrealistic expectations which IMO set me back.

Stay safe

My therapist told me to remember the mantra "Keep yourself safe" Best Advice I have EVER been given!

 

[desiderata310]

I SH as well and tell my therapist when I am there. He usually tried to help me find other ways to cope but has never even threatened to have me put in hospital.

I have had two really bad suicidal moments in the months I have been seeing him. While he stayed in close contact, he did NOT have me put in the hospital. He feels that to do so would be more traumatizing. So, unless I were to take a lethal dose of something we work it out other ways. That said there was one day- day of my trial- when, had I lost- I had already planned to kill myself. He was unaware and when he found out later what my plans had been he was a bit... Embarrassed? That he had not figured this out or even asked me how I was doing there. He admitted that had he known that this was my plan he would have had someone on standby at the courthouse (he accompanied me to my trial) to take me into custody for my own safety. Luckily, none of that had to happen.

There is a point to all this blathering. Essentially, your therapist wants to establish trust with you. Not a lot of trust is going to happen if you aren't being open about all your symptoms. Is it risky? Well, it certainly FEELS that way and it felt that way to me when I told him about my cutting as well. We don't talk about it now but he knows when I get in a really bad spot that I do cut.

Seriously, talk to your therapist about it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I was terrified to tell my therapist the first time I self-harmed. She could tell there was something else on my mind and held space for me to share if I wanted to. I eventually decided it was important enough to share. She asked a few questions. Then, she explained about why some people self-harm and that helped me a lot. She could tell I was worried about the whole hospitalization thing and she explained that she would not hospitalize me unless I was a serious danger to myself. It has helped to tell my therapist because she's been able to help figure out things that work to keep myself safe.