Why Do I Feel This Way?

[Little Flower]

No. I've never set myself in fire. I've never attempted to shoot my self

I had after divorce decided I would jump into deep river off bridge.
But I've conquered driving over it without that thought

So they are not personal memories. More like a flash of a movie ?

 

[Little Flower]

What's a DSM-5. ?

 

[WillyKat]

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) is the 2013 update to theAmerican Psychiatric Association's (APA) classification and diagnostic tool.

quoting Wikipedia.

It's what mental health workers use as an aid to diagnosis. There's also an insurance angle; you can get covered for something that's has an official diagnosis.

 

[Little Flower]

I better figure out what. Halt is because I'm kinda all of the above
I chose not leave the house today n I'm glad. Not alone Conversation with my brother totally wrecked my ability to do any thing but sit here in the dark quiet n hide

 

[Little Flower]

I've got a lot to learn. I feel like an infant.

 

[WillyKat]

Learning is not a bad thing. The more you know about it, the less alone you'll feel. The more you know, the more you understand yourself. And that can be empowering.

It can be a rough road sometimes…the learning that is. But don't get caught up in the minutia. Whether its an intrusion or a flashback or a humpback whale may not matter as much as what it means and where it comes from.

 

[Little Flower]

:cry: I know I'm worried about both my sons and a grandson right now. I'm about to make some decisions that are gonna effect my life. I'm still trapped in a corner and I feel flight fight freeze faun. All at the same time. :tdown: I'm safe. I just don't know if I can make the decisions alone. :woot:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You're not alone. I've never really been clear on the line between flashbacks and intrusive thoughts and obsessions. No doctor has ever defined "intrusive thoughts" for me. Then again, in my experience, doctors don't really explain what its like to experience each of the PTSD criterion, so its all a bit confusing. (I've been having flashbacks since I was a kid but didn't know that's what they were because doctors just assumed that I knew what a flashback was rather than explaining to me the different ways they can be experienced. Outside of a few month window, all of my flashbacks have been non-visual.)

I know the more extreme end of what constitutes obsessions and I know the more extreme end of what an emotional flashback, but I don't know at what point they lessen and become mere (ha) intrusions. It seems like a continuum to me...am I wrong?

 

[Little Flower]

Like an infernal puzzle

 

[Tinyflame]

I am lost here too, I thought intrusive thoughts were trauma-based? Whatever they are, I've had them too. The greater the stress & exhaustion the worse & more frequent they are.

Perhaps they are a form of self-sabotage, or self-rejection?

@WillyKat thank you, I feel more 'normal' in a 'slightly-different-than-normal-way' way! :laugh: :hug:

 

[ghotiff]

doctors don't really explain what its like to experience each of the PTSD criterion, so its all a bit confusing

Absolutely !

I described these types of thoughts to my T as hallucinations. This word felt wrong, but it was the closest I had. The fact that they are really quick (seconds) is really important. Mine are really visual and violent thoughts of harm done to me but they are quick to bounce back from because they are short and easy to distinguish from the here and now. I find my emotional flashbacks to be more difficult to manage.

 

[Little Flower]

That's exactly what I sometimes get
I can see my whole body on fire but I'm not screaming it upset
Or I walk past a pistol on my way to somewhere n just shoot myself in the head. Where are these little devils hiding and why do they want my attention?