Hey, fellow strugglers, longtime reader, first time poster trying to keep this mess as brief as possible since everyone knows the basics anyway. :)
Quick intro: Because we obviously are completely bonkers, my vet and I have been trying to make a 2-PTSD relationship work. We're both in therapy with specialists in their fields (sexual trauma for me, combat-related for him), and have been for four and six years, respectively.
While I've responded relatively well to therapy, he didn't get anywhere with his, blocked absolutely everything his therapist said or suggested etc., pretty much until the moment things between us started to get serious, which was when his poor doc suddenly barely managed to keep up with the speed my vet was slapping his issues onto the table.
To each other, we've been very open about our pasts, issues and the difficulties/insecurities that come with them right from the start. Despite leading very different lives five hours apart, the whole thing was about as Disney-ish as it could ever be with two messed-up souls like ours, for about a year.
Now, however, he seems to have gone right into warp-drive with me just like he did with his therapist.
He'd started talking marriage very early on in our relationship already, and I carefully talked him out of it for the time being because it was way, waaaaay too soon.
The topic came back up about six weeks ago, at a fairly bad time for me, and I told him as much, basically saying, "I love you, and I'm not saying I'll never marry you, I just can't do this right now."
In his head, it seems, that translated to "you're not good enough" (a frame of mind I had to work like a mofo to rid him of before).
Within two weeks, he tackled all his perceived "shortcomings" on all fronts at once.
Despite being nowhere near ready (emotionally), he cut all ties with his utterly toxic family except for his son, he put his house on the market to eliminate the issue of distance, and, probably most importantly, he kicked the career that defined (and ruined) his entire life. December 31 will be his last day as a soldier and, with that, the last time he's got access to the army hospital and his therapist.
I've supported him through this best I could, though my warnings that it might be too much for him to handle, especially with winter being the hardest time for him anyway, fell on deaf ears. He said he needed this and that alone made it the right thing to do.
As of two weeks ago, it has proven to be too much.
He's gone dark, 4000-to-0, like so many of us know/do, and I cannot claim I'm handling it well at all.
When I withdraw, I've found that being poked constantly works well to get me to burst out of my shell just to get my peace, when he does it, he needs to be left alone by anyone but his son. I know this, we've had times of no-contact before and he always came back after four days tops, but this time, I'm ashamed to say I blew up on him via text because the way he'd failed to take care of himself had really pushed me too far.
Long story short, I think my problem/question is this:
Did any of you ever go through having their sufferer yank the entire ground out from under their own feet?
Why would anyone who's already so fragile do this to begin with?
How does one help them back down when there's nothing but a void where their life used to be?
He's hanging in the air with nowhere to go and it's breaking my heart, but at a time of complete radio-silence, there's just no way for me to reach him at all. He can't handle reading anything I write and won't pick up the phone.
Do I write anyway? I usually wouldn't, but I feel I do need him to know that I did not mean to enter raging-b***h mode, that I only did it because I was worried for him, that I love him and that there is a rock left for him to stand on whenever he's found himself again in that terrifying new world he's created for himself.
So far, I've been barfing my sorrows all over my diary (how adorably old-school), but I guess too many of you know how bleeping hard that is in the long run, especially when your own mind keeps trying to convince you it's all your fault anyway. :(
The cycle just never ends, does it?
Quick intro: Because we obviously are completely bonkers, my vet and I have been trying to make a 2-PTSD relationship work. We're both in therapy with specialists in their fields (sexual trauma for me, combat-related for him), and have been for four and six years, respectively.
While I've responded relatively well to therapy, he didn't get anywhere with his, blocked absolutely everything his therapist said or suggested etc., pretty much until the moment things between us started to get serious, which was when his poor doc suddenly barely managed to keep up with the speed my vet was slapping his issues onto the table.
To each other, we've been very open about our pasts, issues and the difficulties/insecurities that come with them right from the start. Despite leading very different lives five hours apart, the whole thing was about as Disney-ish as it could ever be with two messed-up souls like ours, for about a year.
Now, however, he seems to have gone right into warp-drive with me just like he did with his therapist.
He'd started talking marriage very early on in our relationship already, and I carefully talked him out of it for the time being because it was way, waaaaay too soon.
The topic came back up about six weeks ago, at a fairly bad time for me, and I told him as much, basically saying, "I love you, and I'm not saying I'll never marry you, I just can't do this right now."
In his head, it seems, that translated to "you're not good enough" (a frame of mind I had to work like a mofo to rid him of before).
Within two weeks, he tackled all his perceived "shortcomings" on all fronts at once.
Despite being nowhere near ready (emotionally), he cut all ties with his utterly toxic family except for his son, he put his house on the market to eliminate the issue of distance, and, probably most importantly, he kicked the career that defined (and ruined) his entire life. December 31 will be his last day as a soldier and, with that, the last time he's got access to the army hospital and his therapist.
I've supported him through this best I could, though my warnings that it might be too much for him to handle, especially with winter being the hardest time for him anyway, fell on deaf ears. He said he needed this and that alone made it the right thing to do.
As of two weeks ago, it has proven to be too much.
He's gone dark, 4000-to-0, like so many of us know/do, and I cannot claim I'm handling it well at all.
When I withdraw, I've found that being poked constantly works well to get me to burst out of my shell just to get my peace, when he does it, he needs to be left alone by anyone but his son. I know this, we've had times of no-contact before and he always came back after four days tops, but this time, I'm ashamed to say I blew up on him via text because the way he'd failed to take care of himself had really pushed me too far.
Long story short, I think my problem/question is this:
Did any of you ever go through having their sufferer yank the entire ground out from under their own feet?
Why would anyone who's already so fragile do this to begin with?
How does one help them back down when there's nothing but a void where their life used to be?
He's hanging in the air with nowhere to go and it's breaking my heart, but at a time of complete radio-silence, there's just no way for me to reach him at all. He can't handle reading anything I write and won't pick up the phone.
Do I write anyway? I usually wouldn't, but I feel I do need him to know that I did not mean to enter raging-b***h mode, that I only did it because I was worried for him, that I love him and that there is a rock left for him to stand on whenever he's found himself again in that terrifying new world he's created for himself.
So far, I've been barfing my sorrows all over my diary (how adorably old-school), but I guess too many of you know how bleeping hard that is in the long run, especially when your own mind keeps trying to convince you it's all your fault anyway. :(
The cycle just never ends, does it?
