Ptsd And Filing Civil Suit

[Deleted member 1860]

I was just trying to help you, not silence you. Have you seen what sort of damage a court case can do to someone? It can tear you to shreds. Are you dead yet? Nope. Yeah, so I'd say that a bad court case could indeed push you even lower.

There are MANY of us who have no chance of justice, and we come out just fine. Personally, I did what I could in terms of reporting and then made the decision to let it go. Yes, I could have sued and such, as that was considered by my family. We came to the conclusion that it wasn't in my best interest in terms of healing so that avenue wasn't pursued. I'd go so far as to say that many of us have had our lives destroyed. Many of us have been cost lots and lots and lots of money due to the medical expenses. My hospitalizations were over $100,000 and that doesn't include the cost of therapy from the age of 10, psychiatrist visits, or medication. So yeah, I'd say I'm "owed" a helluva lot of $$$!

My concern is for your well being, and nothing else. Have you consulted with a lawyer? Has the lawyer given you an outlook on how things could possibly go? I think that if you decide to pursue this route, that you take it one step at a time. If you're told that the case doesn't look good and that the battle could take away years of your life, then that's something to think long and hard about.

Money is important, but what's more important is your time. Do you want to give away years of your life on a court battle? Its just something to think about.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Solara, I appreciate fully your response. Different circumstances. I did not have health insurance or financial resources, other then selling my home, for therapy meds etc. Didn't even know that I was suffering from PTSD as I slid down from well functioning small biz owner (solo and only a few years into it, shoestring budget). 5-6 years until I came in contact with my ex fiancé, and then the pronounced symptoms started. Prior to that were changes that I thought time would heal. Closed my store because I was not comfortable socially. Spun off an import distribution, bad on a personal level, but doing ok trying to grow a new biz. He contacted me at one point to make 'amends.' Soon after I started self harming, and full blown wake up screaming gagging and vomiting. This has not abated in 4 plus years. Med help did not address, had no insurance. Then I lost that biz, debt, lost my house, and now CC debt. My life is just bare survival.

I was in a trial once. Rear-ended while riding my motorcycle on the 9/11. Not my choice for trial. Police would not come to site due to 9/11 chaos. I was hurt, but did not hit the ground, spinal and joint issues. Bike should have been totaled. Offer of $500.00 My med out of pocket was $4,000.00. Yes the trial was horrible, mostly due to my atty. I do know what I will face.

Money will not replace a lost decade, lost everything, but breathing and even that, when I gag and vomit is not a given. Last contact with him was to work for him to help me save my house. He sexually assaulted me, and left me with thousands in expenses for his yachts, I was to be Boat Manager (work I was well experienced in doing). Why did I work with him? Desperate to save my home of 20 years hard work, also thought that maybe being around him would reset (when we were engaged for a year or so, it was mostly a very good relationship. His dad died, he changed, and became very ugly.) To explain why responded to contact years later. When I took the work he was recently married, and into being a buddhist monk.

Money will not even make me whole again. It would help me get the therapy, and security I need to survive. I will also empower me regardless of the outcome.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

So you've got a lifetime of trauma and want to blame it all on the last one because that's the only justice you may see? Good luck with that one. Childhood abuse, bad accident, and then that guy... Sorry, but yes, you've got a lifetime of abuse but blame it all on the last thing that happened. You're blind to the effects of everything else. I think you should work on healing instead of getting revenge. Its easy to say from where you're sitting that you'll be OK no matter the outcome. Honestly, you can't say that because you simply do not know.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Solara

So you've got a lifetime of trauma and want to blame it all on the last one because that's the only justice you may see?

Blame it all on the last thing? Glad you are not on a jury. Bad accident. I opened my store 2 weeks after despite the physical - important when you have a motorcycle store to ride. Was not blinded then or now to cause and effect. Didn't wake up screaming from the accident. Solara "its easy to say from where your are sitting"

I am not blind. I do not seek revenge. Nor "blame it on the last one." You question every aspect of my character, my ability to perceive accurately the events in my life. Rape is not an accident, a choice by one party to violate another. I've not been OK as you put it since. Most rape victims are never who they were or could have been. Hands up don't rape. Is there a point for seeking address, won't bring back that life, or the life I had, but it does count. Not silenced, will not be silent.

 

[joeylittle]

Most rape victims are never who they were or could have been. Hands up don't rape. Is there a point for seeking address, won't bring back that life, or the life I had, but it does count. Not silenced, will not be silent.

I hear you. But I think you need to separate your personal goals from your political ones.

Bringing civil suit in what would have been a criminal matter does not equate to a rape charge. There is no difference (in the kind of case you're talking about) between rape, or battery, or just a bad business deal, or a collaboration gone awry.

So when you mix up this:

Money will not even make me whole again. It would help me get the therapy, and security I need to survive.

(which is a really good goal in taking someone to civil court)
with this:

I say that society can not afford the swept under the rug statistics. Not my day in court, the process of rape indictment and prosecution in court counted. Can't be in the stats if you are not counted.

You're going to get yourself confused, you won't be a good plaintiff, and a lawyer will not be inclined to work with you. Honestly. You need to be able to clearly tell the story of these events without getting emotionally swept up in them. I do not think you are wrong for getting swept up in them; it sounds like a very, very rough road you've been on. But I think a lawyer could see you as a trial risk, and that's not going to get you what you are trying to get, which is damages.

Partially I'm being influenced by knowing how to "read" the sequence of events here, and I get that you don't want to go into detail, that's fine.

It is deeply, deeply wrong, saddening, horrible that people can rape, abuse, damage other people and walk away scot free and financially secure, while so many of the victims are left emotionally compromised, mental health not intact, wages lost, inability to get back a life they once had. It's awful.

But civil court isn't only (ever) about principle. It's about putting a price tag on suffering. Not indicting the perpetrator.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@joeylittle Several constraints exist. First is the Statute of Limitations, only a few weeks of three years remain. My life on every level has been decimated. Enough regrets, and close if not at the bottom. The case would not be about the rape, that SOL has passed, though it is only in the last 3 years that the full impact is present. The civil case contemplated is for work done and not compensated for, expenses not paid, and sexual assault during the work. Further aspects have been the impact on my family. Particularly my father who is now ailing terribly. We owned the home together and when my life was destructed, I could not carry my weight financially, could not find work (still can't). I was the good child, strong, resourceful, and helped keep his own depression from being burdened with financial issues. I was a safety net for him. My choices to to trust the man who raped me to make amends with a work offer is self blame. My father seeing me daily unable to anything but walk the dog, become a hermit, could hold up my share of keeping hearth and home together, and the a burden on his limited resources is shameful. The person who brought me to this has unlimited means. The salary finally proposed when I was already on site working on the two yachts, after unpaid wages, and unpaid expenses for the boats (fuel, oil, grease guns, hoses, tools, and all the food were not reimbursed. So new debt that I can no longer pay the interest on. The work environment was working with what a T thinks is borderline personality disorder. A lot of cruelty, no boundaries respected, unwanted and refused sexual advances, to assault. When the math is done, what should have and original agreement was for $350 a day. Changed to $150. Work was 24x7 with no days off, no holidays off. Subtracting the expenses from the adjusted salary, and that on IC status as in no benefits, ended up being $1.60/ hr, based only on an 8 hr day. I will leave the rape out of this. Amex just increased my interest rate to 29%. I had perfect credit before this. His twin is diagnosed schizophrenic and maybe he has some two. He is extremely wealth, truly loved me at one time. Afraid of love from mother abandonment at 7yrs.

I have to try to get the wages and expenses recouped. I will be homeless in one month, no credit to help. The very least I must do for myself is attempt seeking legal remedy. I was never a fighter, but neither would I just roll over and be kicked. I would be a good plaintiff, even on the rape portion if that can be introduced. Have until Jan 11 to try to file a demand letter, and if no go, then file suit. Money amount is too small for most legal help, and lawyers talked to felt I had a good case even for the rape at the time. Backed off because it is very hard to collect on someone protected by assets in Trust.

Joeylittle, I have to try, or live on the streets kicking myself for not being able to do even that much for my self, for myself respect, to help repay my fathers diminished state. He sends me money, that he does not have. Instead of keeping his place warm, cuts down on the heat etc to help me survive. I can not sleep for shame and fear of next month. I could not survive on the streets.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Solara Reading back through my posts, realize I did not make clear the ex fiancé that raped me is the same you term "the last one." It is the same one with his mea culpa offer of amends a few years later with the boat work job. It is a full circle. I have a tiny little flame left in me, but that is from the core of me. The aftermath has all but smothered that core of me. As Janice belted out, freedom is when you have nothing left to lose. I have this little light from my core left. I will fight for that, can't live smoldering.

 

[Deleted member 487]

I have wanted so much to file suit against people that have hurt me, and in some cases I had a valid case and lots of proof. However, I'm scared off by my PTSD, I simply cannot handle the emotional stress any longer. Back in 2010 I was charged with a crime, and even though I didn't do it, even though there was proof out the ying yang showing I did not do it, I pled to a lesser charge because I could not handle the stress.