How Do I Explain Ptsd/did To Loved Ones?

[zeckster81]

FHi Everyone,

I have been trying to figure out how to explain to my family about my ptsd/DID without scaring them. Especially the DID part?

Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Leave an Article open on the desktop PC on here explaining one or both, Curiosity does get to them.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm assuming these are not family members who were involved in your trauma?

 

[Lionheart]

I have PTSD but, I don't have the DID part still, I was once diagnosed with fragmented personality disorder and had to explain that....and what I did was to invite my significant other to a therapy session and had my t help explain it to them. Just a suggestion.

 

[Justmehere]

For family members involved in the trauma, or those related to those that caused the trauma that lead to the development of PTSD and DID, it would be a good idea to really think through if explaining anything is a good idea or not as they will be highly motivated to deny the fact that you are struggling with conditions that resulted from their actions.

For family and loved ones not a part of it, ask them what they would like to know. Communicate to them what helps you, what doesn't, what you can talk about, and what you can't talk about. Finding a good article or resource online written for loved ones of people with PTSD might help them see it more objectively.

 

[joeylittle]

With the DID - everyone understands the notion of "being a different person" in specific situations. I'd go at it from that angle. That your mind created ways to survive, and part of that was partitioning off your personality, in a way, so that you could be operating in different modes at different times, depending on what was going to be best for you.

So, just as anybody can understand the feeling of being "not yourself" or "acting like someone else" in order to get through a stressful situation, or being affected in this way within specific situations - you experience the same as a result of your trauma, and have different traits that move forward in different situations.

Then you can go on to tell them which symptoms you have that make it different from what everyone understands. Depending on yours, that might be talking about lost time, or talking about switching....or not talking about any of that at all. You can just stop at "I have this to a degree that it interferes with my life, and so I have the diagnosis of DID. This diagnosis lets me get the medical help I need."

What I'm guessing you want to stay away from is the label "multiple personality disorder", because that has such strange pop culture connotations (at least in the US), and they aren't really that useful to explaining your own life to a lay person.

I find that explaining things to people from the angle that they can easily understand/identify with is a very useful thing. Because once they understand the concept, then it's a question of order of magnitude. They won't ever truly know what it's like to have what you have, but at least they have a touchstone for it.

 

[Friday]

Not sure the definition of family you're using (spouse, kids, parents, sibs, aunties, uncles, cousins, godparents, the whole tribe, some combo therein). That said:

I'm someone who has elected not to tell any portion of my family, with the caveat that if I ever dated seriously again, I don't think I could be with someone again at that level of intimacy who didn't understand.

15 some odd years ago I didn't tell my family because I thought of PTSD the same way I thought of an ear infection or cold (that's nightmares & shit, right? Passing annoyances) The rest I just thought was just me. Now that I understand much better? Lol. Well, they've gotten to know me over the past 15 years. Also;
- I know my family quite well, and it's not something they'd gel with
- It's none of their business, really.

Because whether they know or not, I'd still be doing the same durn stuff I've been doing for 15 years. The only difference is that I'm currently accepted as myself, and if I disclosed, I'd be constantly challenged. As I said somewhere else recently, I have a comfortable level of ridicule in my life.

It fairly blew my mind when I first came on here and met so many people whose families are completely in the loop. I think it's kind of cool, actually, just not something that could work well within my own family.

While I realize you're asking for suggestions on how to tell them, I just wanted to present one option (of many) available to you: Ie, not. Whom you choose to disclose to, or not, is entirely your business. I don't believe there's a right or wrong choice here... As different families equate to different versions of what best looks like.

As full disclosure of bias: I'm just PTSD.

 

[zeckster81]

Thank you for your responses. I'm hoping to start going to family reunions that are a week long at my fathers Lake House. With that said I'm sure I'll switch. My father was not a part of my abusive past. Actually I don't remember my childhood much. But what I do remember he and my mother were safe. Distant due to divorce and alcoholism but safe. Most of my childhood abuse was a neighbor man that I never and still haven't told my parents about. They know nothing. I took the abuse because he threatened to go after my little sister and I loved her too much to allow that. That's about what I remember and the flashbacks.

I want to tell them about the abuse but I honestly don't think my mother could handle it.

Thanks! You all are incredibly helpful

 

[ghotiff]

I want to tell them about the abuse but I honestly don't think my mother could handle it.

The risk of telling them is that if they can't handle it they may go into modes of denial or minimization. These modes hurt and so I caution you.

I think they would be less likely to minimize if they feel no responsibility. If you say it's from childhood, they likely will feel responsible, so if it's possible I would not tell them this bit (at least for now).

Just my thoughts as someone who was abused as a child outside the home, and my parents minimized and denied....and it hurt/hurts.

 

[zeckster81]

The risk of telling them is that if they can't handle it they may go into modes of denial or minimization. These modes hurt and so I caution you.

Ghotiff I was wondering if that would happen. That would hurt so bad so maybe not telling them is a better idea. Thanks for your advice everyone. I'm going to think some more, but I don't want my family to minimize or hurt me.

 

[ghotiff]

In my experience most people minimize childhood abuse. Even my husband and closest friends do, they don't mean to (I believe) but they are just not able to cope with the reality of it...not that I've shared details, and I sometimes minimize it myself, which doesn't help.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

My family knows about the PTSD and they're actually pretty understanding, even though it was their brother/sister/son/daughter (my parents) who abused me. Then again I'm not the only one with PTSD in the family, an aunt of mine also has it.

You know your parents best so you would be the best judge of how they might react...