ADHD Adhd and ocd - never been diagnosed but so many symptoms..... ?

[J_trustno1]

I know it sounds weird but here are my problems I have been struggling with so many years. It's like ever since I was a kid but I never realised that they were one of the actual problems besides depression and after discover PTSD in Decemeber 2013.

Scenario 1:
Ever since I can remember I have been having trouble remembering the routes and places...yes! sounds weird I know...even if I go to a place 100 times, I cannot remember the routes...I donno why...

I want to remember routes..I try hard but i forget. I have a fantastic memory I am good at studies but still I don't understand why I forget routes and why is it so difficult? I had the same issue when I was studying biology where I could never remember molecular biology or anything related to Genetics or even organic chemistry. When it came to remembering things that involved too many words without many patterns, I struggled to even pass that particular subject. I in fact failed biology at university due to this issue. I never realised that it was an issue until I started driving a year ago when I would drive to a place more than 100 times but could never even remember the exact route. When we shifted to this new house about 5 years ago, I was lost until mum actually told me which way our house is. I felt really really dumb around that time. It is embarrassing that I cannot remember routes unless I write them on a piece of paper and memorize them and other visual symbols on the street to actually get there.

I was recently reading on this and it turns out that these are signs of ADHD. I could clarify that I had time management problem ever since I was a kid. Whenever I had to organise my time I would have this clutter of planning in my head where the actual idea of managing the time was more difficult than doing the actual task. I also can't remember which is my left or right hand unless I touch my thumb and feel the difference since once of my thumb nail is different to the other due to childhood accident. My hand and eye coordination isn't as great either.

One more thing: I could never hit a soccer ball approaching me because I had a poor judgement of its direction and poor coordination between my leg and the eyes.

It's worrying me that I am actually crazy!

Scenario 2:

Now this comes to Obsessive thinking. One of the forum friends (Can't mention their name due to privacy concerns) told me that they way I don't let things go and keep repeating the same thought pattern actually means that I am likely to have some symptoms of OCD. I did some research and found what I actually do:

1. I am too darn concerned about cleaning my hands to the point that last time I ended up getting horrible dermatitis on my hands where my hands were severely bruised and swollen due to over cleaning with soaps. Things have to super clean for me to use or else I won't use them. For me i'd either clean my room or else it's in a total mess.

2. The obsessive thoughts seem to keep popping up and staying in my mind. No matter what I try, I just can’t seem to turn off your thinking. These thoughts do affect my daily life and actually cause delay in the activities I do. These thoughts can range from being on internet going over pages and pages of information, or sitting and thinking and thinking. Sometimes there is no thinking but being idle. These affect my night sleep and time management.


I seriously don't understand how I managed to get a masters degree when I can't even remember routes. How can I actually graduate or achieve other things in my life when my time management and organizational skills are lacking. I am very absent minded. I can never focus on more than one task at a time or else my anxiety builds up which results in not getting anything done at all. I really don't understand this.

 

[SwordsPandaGirl]

:hug: sis. Maybe you should bring up these concerns to a T? They might be able to help you amd tell you if you do have adhd or ocd? Youre a very smart woman and that is why you managed to get a degree. Dont doubt your abilities. Disabilities dont make you who you are, they are just indication of problems. This doesnt mean your not a smart or nice person.

Many :hug:s from your sis! Here if you need to chat x

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I have no problem with routes but will forget other things instantly. Like sometimes at the end of the day, I try to remember what I did and at times I will have forgotten I went out in the morning or something like that. Or I meet somebody that I know, but I don't remember that I know them. My focus can be really bad too, and I can be incredibly restless.

I had the same concern as you and so I did go to a doc for this and they thought I had ADD and gave me methylphenidate for it. Worst-medicine-ever. I don't remember right now very well, how it made me feel, but it was horrible. I quit that stuff immediately. Well, that's my experience. If it bothers you too much I think it's a good idea to talk it over with a therapist.

I seriously don't understand how I managed to get a masters degree when I can't even remember routes.

But you did get your degree. Apparently you do have the ability to focus at times. And that's what matters.

The OCD thing I had really badly last year although I have never been diagnosed with it either (I wasn't in therapy then). I even made a list of all the things I was controlling. Didn't want to touch doorknobs. Didn't want to see drops of water on the floor. I still wash my hands pretty much every time I touch something that has been touched by other people.

But I learned to manage some of it. By simply forcing myself to deal with i.e drops of water on the floor. My point is that you're not crazy, it's just things that seem to be linked to PTSD often.

 

[J_trustno1]

@SwordsPandaGirl : Thanks lil sis for your support. Yes, I will talk to my psychiatrist next time I see him :hug:s

@Radise : Thanks for the reply. I have a really good memory of remembering people, every fine detail of comments people make, I can remember numbers really well, I remember dates and my actions pretty well unless I chose not to. But when it comes to routes, I am lost. I can be at a place 1000 times and still won't remember it unless I remember something visual there for example a building, weird road, or a sign otherwise, I can never remember places. I'm not planning on taking other anitdepressants as I am already taking one antidepressant, thyroid med and 3 other supplements. I am most likely to get 2 more hormone pills added to my 5 pills. Thanks for being really supportive.

 

[joeylittle]

I seriously don't understand how I managed to get a masters degree when I can't even remember routes.

I'd like to point out that there are loads of people functioning with a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD, completing degrees, succeeding in life, with or without medication.

So first off, if you suspect you have this, then go and get tested. But please remember that it's not the end of the world, and it's kind of insensitive to say this:

It's worrying me that I am actually crazy!

in regards to what is just another mental disorder.

Second, there's been an OCD craze around the board lately, I've noticed. Remember that having rituals or obsessions does not make you a person with OCD. And again, if you suspect this, talk with your doctor about it. I'm not a diagnostician, but can say that an important criteria on the OCD diagnosis is that the ritual or obsession interfere with daily functioning. Now, that's a subjective thing; an extreme (classic) example would be a person who has to turn the doorknob 3,000 times before being able to go through the door, and if they miscount they start all over. This person will likely miss work on occasion. Washing your hands to the point of injury does indicate an unhealthy obsession, but it might just be a trait, not the disorder itself.

Your problems with obsessive thought or rumination seem to be the most bothersome of everything you've mentioned, and it's rough that you are struggling with that issue. At the risk of giving you more to read about (but you'd likely search it out anyway), there are actually two disorders related to obsessive-compulsive behavior. There is Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), on the personality disorders spectrum. Then, there is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which as of DSM V is no longer an anxiety disorder, but instead has it's own chapter.

Just in case these are helpful:
http://psychcentral.com/disorders/obsessive-compulsive-personality-disorder-symptoms/
http://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/OCPD-Fact-Sheet.pdf

It also sounds like your memory is really excellent except for routes. You may be able to conquer that problem through different kinds of memory training; I was completely unable to remember names - specifically, to associate names with faces - and really did have to try a lot of things before I figured out how to be at least functional with it. It's never going to be something I'm good at, but it was something I could address.

Just sharing info and thoughts; hope some of it helps.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It sounds like your symptoms are debilitating and that therapy could help you. Does it matter if you have the full disorder or not? No, not really. I mean you can still get help for your symptoms and such even if you don't fit each and every diagnostic criteria. Its the same with PTSD.....someone could have almost all of the symptoms (but missing one that prevents diagnosis) and thus they won't be diagnosed with PTSD. They are still suffering and still deserve help, even if they don't have the full disorder, right?

I think that we oftentimes believe that if someone doesn't have the full disorder that their symptoms must not be that bad. Well, this isn't true, not in the least! I've said this more than once.....if people with OCD really do have obsessions worse than the ones in my head, then they'd all be dead because they would have all killed themselves by now. Yep, that's how bad my obsessions are, and yes, my obsessions have always been the driving force behind hurting myself. But, I don't fit into a number of other key criteria, so hence no OCD diagnosis. I hope people actually get the point I'm trying to make and don't take offense to this, as I had no intention to offend anyone.

I really hope you can get help in working through your struggles. I know the obsessions aren't an easy thing to deal with!

 

[Friday]

From what you've described, it doesn't sound like ADHD.

It may still be ADHD, but the parallel would be someone saying "I watched a scary movie & can't sleep and have been having nightmares, which are both symptoms of PTSD. Do you think it's PTSD?"

 

[J_trustno1]

@joeylittle : You have nailed it about OCPD. I have exactly that problem. I am very strict about my rules and ethics. I don't trust other people to do tasks unless they can perform those tasks with exact perfectionism and organised manner. I am too darn dedicated to my work that I miss out on what the outside world is about. When I was doing my post-graduate degree, I didn't go out with my family or friends. I had no time for social events except for my work. I didn't even go to the supermarket that when I went to supermarket after 2 years and they had automated personalized checkout system which I had no idea ever existed. Things have to be done in a particular order or else they are not valid for me. For example, I must use the toothpaste twice on my teeth and brush my teeth for about 10-15 minutes or else I don't consider my teeth being cleaned. The same thing goes when I am cleaning vegetables, where I would clean every single mushroom or each leaf of spinach to make sure they are clean. I have to do things about 2-3 times or else I don't believe they are clean. Same goes for washing dishes, they have to be spotless or else I can not touch other peoples cleaned dishes. Lastly, I am holding on things that are probably 15 years old and even of no use, I have cloths from when I was 12 and they are worn out but I simply can't let go of things. I had hard time discarding my first laptop when it stopped working. I have trouble with any change.

@FridayJones and @joeylittle : I also don't think it's mainly ADHD. I did some researching about not being able to remember directions and having trouble with things that are not structured plus having trouble with right and left hand identification. It turns out that I am not the only one with this issue. I found some brilliant A grade Engineers, Literature graduates and even excellent teachers having the exact same problems. I always had problem when I had to solve number problems that were tricky or required out of the box thinking but I was always good with algebra, integration and differentiation since it had set structure and set rules. However, I always struggled with geometry where my mind required to go out of its structure. I have always had trouble with my time management and organising. It turns out that this is called DCD (Developmental Coordination Disorder) or Geographic dyslexia. This disorder causing poor short-term memory but people with this disorder usually have excellent long-term memory.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Solara : Thanks for the feedback. I don't hurt myself but I certainly get frustrated. I didn't know I had a problem until I started seeing what I was doing. I have a horrible problem of being a perfectionist or else I become stressed. I am going to look at therapy in regards to this.

 

[Maxi]

Hey J,

Read through the thread so don't want to repeat anyone, but I'd agree, it doesn't sound like typical ADHD, but it does sound like very classic Dyspraxia; so I think you hit the nail on the head with DCD. I have this and suffer from the exact same problems as you, honestly, it's uncanny reading your post! I have an amazing memory for facts and figures, but I get lost a thousand times over, I struggled horrendously with anatomy, I am really struggling to learn how to drive, am completely un-coordinated when it comes to sports and dancing and I too have a Masters degree; so it is possible. Some tips: Google maps has helped me massively with directions, I'm thinking of switching to an automatic to learn how to drive and Tai Chi has helped with my co-ordination. Embrace neuro-diversity :)

Ps, I too have OCD

Maxi

 

[Ronin]

@J_trustno1 you might also want to consider dyscalculia. Difficulty with spatial orientation, left/right being a big incomprehensible deal, difficulty focusing, some sensory difficulties especially in certain environments? All pretty typical for it. Ditto math / geometry difficulties and coordination issues.

 

[Freespirit1974]

#1 Don't feel bad I have had some of the same issues with not being able to find my way to different spots that I have been to before, but I have moved a lot the last few years and now I mix up my left and right really often. If I follow someone to a place, then I won't remember how to get back. It is important to learn how you learn and develop strategies on coming up with new ways to study material. Do you like music? It helps in making things into a rhyme, if you are not a rote learner. There are all kinds of tricks that can work for you.