Why is it Important to Have Someone Understand?

[ChrisB]

Hi Upstream, I get it and live it. My view was/is that if my loved one cared enough they would learn all there is to learn about the subject. They would be able to understand me through study and listening, while observing me. When they do not I often felt like I was not being supported or they don't really care. Or are we seen as damaged goods? I think we need to understand ourselves and hope that others we trust will want to do the same. We need an honest support group/structure around us. Let our journey continue.
Be well

 

[ChrisB]

Upstream and others- These posts hit me so hard. As the years went by I became convinced that my wife did not understand what had happened to me. My wife bought me a good PTSD work book but when I completed it she did not read it. I felt she often put me in situations where the fears I have would be unreal. My destruction of self esteem and loss of self worth were powerful. I felt that if she did not bother to learn all there is to learn about me than she must not really love me. How could she help if she did not bother to educate herself and understand? I began to see her as part of the problem. Any thoughts?

 

[Grama-Herc]

My thinking on this is as follows.

It isn't that it is so important to us that our family "understand", it is important for us to see that they are trying.

My mother cared enough to try to educate herself about 'the PTSD". What it is. How it affects my life. What to expect in the way of reactions from me. Her efforts to
try to help me, if possible, meant more to me than anything she has done in a long time.

I think it is the effort put forth to understand and care that means the most to us
Knowing they CARE is the key. Feeling like they don't is what hurts us. Just MHO

 

[Nicolette]

So my answer to this is simple; I don't expect another to understand unless they have it.

While your answer is simple sweetheart, I do have days where I do wish I could understand just as I have days where I wish I could take the illness away for you so you would not have to suffer. :kiss:

 

[Olly]

Hmm, with me i know i'm always desperate to try and make the person who involves my ptsd understand, however several times i've had lines like "i don't think you have ptsd" "its part of growing up" etc. It drives me mad. I think it angers me so much because (in my case) the person can't ever interperet how it feels.
I think in analysis of myself i want some acceptance that i'm actually having a hard time. A problem for me is that ptsd is "invisible" - others can't see it. The idea of that infuriates me because i'm struggling yet no one can see this. So i suppose in attempted answer to your question(s) maybe its a want of validation for the way we feel.
However i also agree with previous comments of not wanting to feel alone, i think ptsd can be isolating?

 

[cypher]

I've been thinking about this topic recently and, for me, it's difficult to answer because I dont really understand yet the thoughts that go through my head about what happened. I'm trying to understand the challenges that come along with it. Kinda organize my thoughts and emotions I guess and take some sort of control over them.

But I think what Grama-Herc is saying is right on though. It's important that someone is trying to understand, it shows that they care about you and want to help. At the same time though, I agree with those who dont think shoes can be put on anothers feet (regardless of what it is). If they hav'nt experienced it, how can they know what it's like with the emotion etc... that goes along with it. It's like trying to describe the taste of salt to someone who has never tasted it.

So I guess for me, they will never know what it's like, but if they are trying to care/understand, that's whats important.

 

[cherryblossom]

It isn't that it is so important to us that our family "understand", it is important for us to see that they are trying.

I think this kind of explains my feelings on this, although I didn't realise! 'Trying' to understand does show that someone cares. And maybe my expectations have been too high, in that clearly no-one can truely understand unless they have been there.

Thanks Herc - this has really helped clarify things for me.