Poll Do You Feel Guilty For PTSD Related Behaviour?

[just me here]

How else do you feel after a lifetime of short tempered reactions to people? My kids love me, I was never abusive, but I sure wasn't the parent they deserved. They are great kids, but most of their lives I have been away working or out in the garage or off doing something else besides being their dad. It might have been better to be away most of the time because I have had a very low frustration threshold forever, but I still feel guilty for being the mess I have been for their entire lives

 

[Dougal]

I don't feel guilty or ashamed as much anymore. That's not to say I don't think about things I did and said, or how I reacted and acted. I just don't internalize things as much. I have come to appreciate that prior to my diagnosis I wasn't well. My thinking was distorted. Once I was better, I took responsibility for my behaviour in terms of changing and moving forward. I made decisions in terms of actions and behaviour that I can't change. Things were done to me that I can't change.

Overall my family and friends see how I have taken responsibility for my behaviour. It doesn't mean I have been forgiven. I don't expect this from them. With many family members I feel at times I am on trial. It doesn't matter. I am gaining ground one person at a time. And these have become the important people. Occasionally I let that hamster wheel it my head get the better of me. When this happens I see what a barrier this is to my recovery and I do what I need to do to get back on track. One of these things is to keep my affirmations handy "I am a good person" and "I do good things" and "I deserve better". Cheers.
CM

 

[The Sentinel]

I often feel guilty when my PTSD-related behavior causes my family or friends to hurt or causes me to react to them in a manner that isn't fair to them. I take responsibility for my actions, but it's a very complicated and fine line between what is and isn't something I necessarily could have control of. I fully realize that I am in control of myself and in control of my mental health, but I often end up doing things or saying things that upset others.

My fiancee has a problem where frequently I just do not comprehend what his problems *are* or why he's upset because I am not wired to be a particularly emotional individual. I can't think on an emotional level, there has to be logic behind it (I have used logic as a major shield all my life). If there's no more logic and no answer to "WHY!?" than "it hurts me" I can't really process it. That doesn't mean I don't understand that my actions are somehow bringing grief to someone I love and that I don't feel horribly guilty for it, but I can't comprehend it at all.

 

[Jade-]

I feel very guilty for my behavior. I hate alot of the things I say and do because I know it hurts others. I don't mean to say or do them, I try so hard not to, but I do anyway.

My biggest guilt fest is over the stupid shit I say all the time. I never seem to think before I speak. I just say what pops in my head. Most of the time it's mean and hurtful.

I feel guilty because I can't handle any kind of stress and I get overwhelmed so easily. Then I vent my frustrations out on others.

I feel guilty that I am the way I am and that people seem to like me and love me anyway. I feel they deserve so much better than what I'm able to offer.

I feel guilty that I have such a hard time controlling my behavior. And I feel guilty that I didn't get help a long time ago.

 

[Iam]

Oh my gosh Jade....I could have written every word of that. I HATE this f*ing monster. It Is NOT who I am! Not inside, yet it seems to have taken over. I wish I could just cut it out of me. It's like some separate entity that sometimes I can control and other times I can't.

I feel so guilty about hurting others. I actually really try to think about things before I speak, but sometimes I still do it wrong and hurt the ones I care about.

I feel guilty for withdrawing because I just can't handle the thought of hurting others.

I feel guilty that I didn't know before. I knew I needed help, but didn't get it. Course some of that I blame on my husband becuase he didn't want me to get help. Felt counseling was ridiculous. That blame is misplaced, only I could know how much I needed help and only I am the one responsible for getting that help.

So I feel guilty for blaming others....I do that all the time.

 

[James B.]

And I feel guilty that I didn't get help a long time ago.

Me too, and it makes me very sad sometimes. thanks for posting this Jadebear.

 

[NIKI]

I feel guilty that my husband is the receipent of all my PTSD rage. He does'nt deserve it! He tries to be so understanding and bring me back to the present when in my mind I'm back there. I'm so sorry honey...I love you!

NIKI

 

[Srain]

I don't feel guilty for my PTSD I feel terrified I will do things I can't control or remember!

 

[KP the nut]

I feel guilty. Shit happens to loads of people and they are fine. I am a failure cos I can't cope with mine.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

(((((((((Kath))))))))))))

You, Beloved Friend are not a failure!!!!!!!
Anything but!!!!!

My goodness, sweet woman... you survived a crash that came so close to paralyzing or killing you!!! How horrific a trauma is that!!!

Just because you are struggling doesn't mean you're a failure!!!

Aggh!!! You're wonderful, you're still in recovery... would you be mad at a broken bone because it's hurting and taking a while to get healed and strong again? No, you'd treat it with gentle loving care, and do everything possible to protect and nurture it, and make sure it takes in what it needs to heal. How much more important YOU, your soul, your psyche is than a broken bone!

You're no failure! You're in pain, distressed, frightened, struggling - who the heck is this cyborg who could handle the trauma of your crash without being traumatized by it?

You are not a failure!
You are alive, you're wonderful.... I love you, and you are not a failure!

(((((((((((((Kath))))))))))))
No guilt - you weren't the one who nearly drove over the top of you with a truck1

Sending much, much love...
Please hug yourself for me....
I love you, Kath... please, no more beating up on yourself...we all love you too much to let you get away with that

 

[deer_in_headlights]

P.S. (((((((((Kath)))))))))))

Not wishing to dilute the above, but I hope I didn't distress you with the above.
I'm not discounting your feelings at all - they're normal... you've lost so much, especially your health and sense of security for now, that you're working so hard to recover.

It just crushes my heart and brings tears to my eyes that you would ever think you're a failure...
Wiping tears for you and sending love,
Deer