Please Talk To Me

[Bookoffee]

I will call him on Monday to see if he can put some time a side for me on the phone. I know i also have hotlines. I just made some sleepy time tea and put a movie in. I am starting to calm down. I fear the outcome of my actions, whatever it may be, I hope good comes from it.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Usually when I fear the outcome of a situation, or something I've done, I tend to kind of blow it up in my mind.
In the end, it is almost always better than what I expected (mostly, I expect Doom and the End of Earth as we know it).

And even if it does result in a bit of chaos, remember that chaos happens all the time in this world. It will pass.
Hope you have a good nights' sleep.

 

[scout86]

I do the same thing way more often that I like! (And I also like sleepytime tew!)

It sounds like you're getting things back under control. Good for you!

I don't think anything bad is going to come from what you did. Possibly something good will come of it. Your intentions were honorable and I STILL think you did the right thing. Whatever happens, we're on your side!

Take care and may the rest of the evening be peaceful!

 

[risingsun]

We all do things in which we regret even when it is exposing the truth and we are "not" in the wrong. But I do know that when I exposed a doctor for wrongdoing in the past to a higher authority, I felt scared and my mind was overwhelmed with "I ruined her life."

So I understand massive guilt and obsession over things I've done or said. But it got me no where except I made myself emotionally unwell over the situation. And at the end of the day, I told the truth you know? And I realized I didn't ruin anyone's life.

Be gentle with yourself. You are safe. Stay in the Present Moment. The truth is the truth in this life. It always comes out anyway and would have come out regardless. Some people are secure in exposing the truth and others, like you and myself, go to such guilt because we don't want to hurt others.

At the end of the day, though, they put themselves in their own mess as they are the ones who have lied or betrayed others. They made the choice to do so.

Don't be so hard on yourself because you exposed a truth. My thoughts are with you as I know how hard it is to stop obsessing and living in regret. But again, be gentle with yourself and know that you are not in the wrong. You just righted a wrong.


Remember . . . . .
“To see a wrong and not to expose it, is to become a silent partner to its continuance.” Dr. John Raymond Baker

 

[Bookoffee]

Thank you everyone. @risingsun, my wife and I talked about putting together small business cards with positive affirmations and the logical that I am safe. I am adding your quote. It reminds me of Dr Martin Luther King Jr: "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Thank you again everyone. You have been helpful.

 

[risingsun]

my wife and I talked about putting together small business cards with positive affirmations and the logical that I am safe.

You are safe and I am glad you are feeling better. I think the positive affirmations is a wonderful idea. At home, we post up phrases from magazines and bumper stickers and printouts from the computer all over our home to remind ourselves that "we are okay" in all aspects of our existence. :hug:

 

[Friday]

Question... Are you reacting this strongly to this event... Or in your trauma history were you supposed to keep a terrible secret?

Even your other post... When I read exposed , that's what I feel at my worst; exposed. A big fat target. Danger Will Robinson, I'm about to get my ass handed to me at best, but at worst everyone I love will die. Catastrophic thinking goes hand in hand with my feeling exposed. I was surprised to read, from the way that you were phrasing things, that you'd exposed someone else. Not that it's a bad thing. Expose a murdered, expose corruption, exposure is one of those neutral concepts that it really depends on which side of the flashlight you're standing. Linguistically, it felt like you were the one who felt exposed, instead of the one doing the exposing.

Made me think then, and really makes me think now, that maybe you're not actually responding to this event? But perhaps one in your past? The fears now being the fear of what might could happen back then... As opposed to the reality of now.

 

[scout86]

I like the card idea! Sort of like the flash cards they used to use to teach math. Might have to give that a try!

I hope things look better with the sunrise.

 

[Bookoffee]

Question... Are you reacting this strongly to this event... Or in your trauma history were you supposed to keep a terrible secret?

I think it is both. I thought I would wake this morning feeling safe but I don't. I scared of the outcome and what damage I have caused, mostly from posting here.

 

[scout86]

What damage do you think you might have caused from posting here?

 

[Bookoffee]

I fear they will find me and I will upset people of their party

 

[scout86]

I think it would be REALLY hard for them to find you and they'd have to be extremely motivated. You really ARE pretty anonymous here. Someone would have to search the internet for anything that remotely resembled the topic, have this site and that conversation come up, and THEN figure out that you are you. I don't see that happening. You don't actually even know that YOU are the only person who contacted the media. Last but not least, although that woman may not be happy with you, SHE is in trouble herself, from the sound of it and the last thing she probably has time to worry about is you and what you might have said or done.

So, 1) You didn't do anything wrong, You told the truth and you told it for good reason. I can understand how you're feeling about that now. I've said things I regretted and done things I regretted too. (One of them, actually, was contacting a therapist the first time. As much as it freaked me out the second after I hit "send", it was a good idea.)
2) You really ARE pretty anonymous here.
3) Those people probably have bigger fish to fry.

I think it's going to be ok.