Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear @Ms Spock , those are very kind things to say. :notworthy: :hug: You know, you are very right, in that I can be my genuine self, I am happy when they are happy or concerned they have happiness in the moment, & I understand the worry & exhaustion & break needed for their loved ones. Maybe too, as you said the break for them from paranoia or fear or panic or confusion etc, is a lot like what we seek when we seek relief from ptsd? One of the best articles I read was called something like The Secret Language of the Blue Lady. I think having these things is somewhat like being trapped within ptsd. No voice, & plenty of terror & fear, if that makes sense? (Oddly enough it's like being a plumber with leaky pipes at home, I can generate it for others but not so for myself.) I have also received help so I know how it feels from both sides, to be able to check your worries at the door for a moment, or have extra hands/ energy, & even different interaction for them, & a break for one's self.

It occurred to me, the job to apply for had 10 hour days with 2 hours of commuting per day, & a fairly good walk at night through an area of town with high crime. I thought, because I have only always focused on the end to the means, I've never afforded myself whether I 'like' something or consideration of the degree to which it is difficult. I would be smarter to probably (even miraculously) maybe one day be able to do what I enjoy in that is also true to me but does also not wear me out as much (is a bit gentler! :confused: ). At best if I were accepted those features would be a new reality.

Thanks so much Dear Ms Spock. :hug: :inlove: :hug: Xox.

(PS, if I had the resources, I would write a book for care-givers from what I've learned & sense, & continue to learn, but I'd make it short as any care-giver needs it to be! :sleep: That is wonderful what you do for Papa Bear, & especially too for B because it sounds like he isn't one to ask. I have no doubt being 'you' & the way you are & your understanding helps them both. :) :hug: :hug: :hug: )

 

[ms spock]

Write that book half an hour a day @Junebug. We carers need all we can get.

 

[Tinyflame]

I really would like to, because I've never come across much really practical helpful advice, & it's so basic.

Funny thing is, unlike many people I despise writing ( :roflmao:) so it's surely not for that reason!

 

[ms spock]

Oh Dear @Ms Spock , those are very kind things to say. :notworthy: :hug:

It is the truth @Junebug. Not kind at all.

You know, you are very right, in that I can be my genuine self, I am happy when they are happy or concerned they have happiness in the moment, & I understand the worry & exhaustion & break needed for their loved ones. Maybe too, as you said the break for them from paranoia or fear or panic or confusion etc, is a lot like what we seek when we seek relief from ptsd?

I believe so, the hardest thing with Papa Bear is when he comes out of dementing and knows there is something wrong with his mind. That part is awful. Being your genuine self is most important.

One of the best articles I read was called something like The Secret Language of the Blue Lady. I think having these things is somewhat like being trapped within ptsd. No voice, & plenty of terror & fear, if that makes sense?

I would say I would read it but I have a book called "Radical Remissions" that I want to get to first.

I would be smarter to probably (even miraculously) maybe one day be able to do what I enjoy in that is also true to me but does also not wear me out as much (is a bit gentler! :confused: ).

That would be nice. But you are doing something and that counts for a lot.

That is wonderful what you do for Papa Bear, & especially to for B because it sounds like he isn't one to ask. I have no doubt being 'you' & your understanding helps them both. :) :hug: :hug: :hug:

Yes it takes a lot of discipline, constant problem solving, dedication, improvising and thinking things through. I have Papa Bear on a half hourly cup of decaf tea to deal with his hydration issues. It has made such a difference. If you ask him if he wants a cup of tea, he might say no, but if you wait ten minutes and give it to him, well he is happy as Larry. He drinks it down. It means more toileting and changing because of his incontinence, but really we dodged a bullet with that one.

B often won't ask, it is true. But sometimes he expects too much from me, I think because he is so tired, and not able to think things through so well at this time.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Ms Spock , & that's why I'm glad there are the respites. Because it's important you are able to nurture your relationship as well. Self care is important, it's a marathon not a sprint.

Yes! Creativity, trust, adaptation, all much more helpful. I find not fighting or denying it helps. People say to me, 'Why can't I remember?', I say not everything is that important to remember, & we all forget, & there are ways we can do to make it easier (& do them). But (tellingly), one person said to me "It's too painful to remember". That's like ptsd too.

Yes funny you should call it helpful, I don't feel good for much. :rolleyes:

((((((((((Dear @Ms Spock )))))))

 

[Mercy]

I really would like to, because I've never come across much really practical helpful advice, & it's so basic.

Funny thing is, unlike many people I despise writing ( :roflmao:) so it's surely not for that reason!

I agree with Ms Spock. You would make a great writer. Maybe, a speak to write computer program would be a more natural way for you to express yourself. One can be free to diverge from the point being made so we don't 'loose' something, some moment or memory we want to include. Word processing on a computer is so much easier. Your natural speaking voice is so soothing, it may be easy for you to speak words of comfort and advice into a microphone. Worry about grammar, flow, structure, and chapters later. Just get your gentle wisdom and experience down first. Sending Happy thoughts. Sharing what we have learned is part of the context of mid to later life. Then the good we know and have done isn't lost, even if each person needs to learn things for them selves. We all need truth tellers and examples of people who lead the way, the good way.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh @Mercy , that is a great way to do that! But I am truly no writer, nor speaker. "The strong silent type"? ('Not', lol)

Probably the biggest gift I can give is that I don't get shocked too easily.

((((((((Dear dear Mercy, xox ))))))))))