Guys- Dating Advice.

[Over the rainbow]

I haven't dated for three years, the PTSD isolated me from everyone.
I just started talking to a man and we have hung out a half a dozen times or so now. (No sex yet, I'm trying to get to know him.)
I met him at work and he seems like a very nice person, and we chat everyday all day when were not together, either via text or fb.
He doesn't have a car and I have never dated anyone without a car before.
I haven't been attracted to a man in years and it makes me very gun shy, so today I didn't text or call him. We usually text each other as soon as we get up, but today nothing.
He hung out with me last night and we kissed before he left, everything seemed fine.
So since I haven't heard one word from him today I'm worried that maybe he is tired of waiting.
I know it's a bad idea to text and seem needy, so I have not texted or attempted to call. It's now 5:30 pm and nothing.
I really dot want to sleep with anyone if I think they sleep with other people, but it's too early to say "if we do this, I really don't want you to be sleepin with other people."
Guys, my question is, how can I approach this issue in a way that doesn't sound like I'm trying to tie him down right away, and just trying to be "safe" and also don't want to get attached if he is sleeping around.
Any ideas?

 

[darrenS]

I would simply express the boundary, of no sex until you feel its right

 

[illusionist]

I've been sneaky with this......learned that direct questions to how they feel regarding stuff like this only gives you answers they think you want to hear. So, I learned to start the conversation in a casual way, regarding expectations in a relationship, and then see how they answer, if they answer. To me, it's all part of getting to know someone before you go down that road.

 

[Over the rainbow]

The problem with sneaky is I'm pretty much unable to play regular dating games,
I'm looking for a best friend, a person I can speak about anything with.
I feel like if I have to play "games" and be sneaky it just isn't me. I'm a pretty straight shooter. But have tact if course.
But at the same time I don't want to scare the guy off.
I broke down and sent him a text and said hi, I haven't heard anything back yet.
Dating really blows

 

[illusionist]

I totally understand about the normal games people play....I can't do that either. It is hard...but communication is vital but I don't like putting anyone on the spot, rather they have the freedom to speak without pressure. Then as you find out more about them, natural openness will follow, if you find you are compatable...then voila! . I'd give him time to get back to you, anything can be going on at his end which holds him back from getting in touch with you right now.

 

[Nico]

I'm glad you are able to get back out there and can certainly relate to the sex thing. I think you just need to be upfront with him. Have you discussed your PTSD with him and why you are only now just starting to date again? That could help him understand. A real man will be patient and wait for a woman when she is ready. Only having hung out 6 times is still really fresh and I don't sleep with a man until we are exclusive and have talked about it. That's me though and I know I am old fashioned (not old...lol). Don't ever go against your feelings in fear of losing a man. A way to a man's heart is not through sex and if he can't wait for you, then he's not worth it. Talking to him should help you feel more safe around him.

I wouldn't read into the texting thing too much, but I know how you feel. Especially since it's a change in a pattern. Is he always the one reaching out? If so, maybe you should.

 

[Amalia]

I would say the same. Def do what feels right to you. If he's tired of waiting then he's not that patient. And def not worthy of you and the awesomeness that will ensue if he gets to have a relationship with you.

Good luck hun.

 

[Over the rainbow]

Thanks everyone.
I have always had a sixth sense about these things and have been going against my gut.
He answered me back a couple times in one or two word very methodical answers like he didn't want to say much, it was very very not like him.
I told him about my day, which normally he goes into a long speel about his,but like I said only one or two word answers and then nothing for hours, not until 11:30 pm, in which he gave me one very long answer about his day, an hour later he gave me another completely differant excuse.
I still haven't messaged him back because every part if me knows he is lying.
I'm a little hurt and don't know if I should just block him, or what. I can't be fooled like that again. That's why I am in the situation I am, a man who was a sweet talker and a really good lier.
I'm feeling stupid really.

 

[shimmerz]

I'm feeling stupid really.

It isn't stupid to follow your gut. Nor is it stupid to realize early on that someone is lying. I would challenge your self criticism on this one.

 

[Over the rainbow]

@shimmerz thank you, I'm my own worst critic. After hearing I'm stupid (Among other things) for years, I guess I started to believe the things I heard.
Got to break the cycle somehow, even if it means me staying alone forever.

 

[shimmerz]

even if it means me staying alone forever

That's pretty drastic Over...I wouldn't give up hope like that. I used visualization to help me get over my inner critic stuff. I pictured my sons when I caught myself talking to myself critically. If I wouldn't speak to them that way then I wasn't allowed to speak to myself that way. If you can't relate to a child then perhaps a pet. Anyone that you would protect from 'abuse' (which is what this type of inner talk is, imho).

I also used Ho'oponopono to seal the deal.
I love you
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you

That was later stage though and really hard to do because I had to forgive myself! :eek: