I Have Been Single To Me For Ten Years...

[sonicwhite]

No I don't feel like it's a trigger. My ex just traumatized me.

 

[shimmerz]

yet it feels like she is a part of my life some how......

What does this mean to you sonic? Can you explain it a bit better for me?

 

[sonicwhite]

Like the extreme over-the-top love I had with her and the fun things we did. Little things trigger a emotional response. Like I have to drive to the town she lives in every month for my doctors appointment. Not always but
Sometimes when pass her home ill think of her. I know it's been too long. If I sound like a creep I don't know how else to explain. She was just a part of a part of my life that shook me so much so I have had a hard time recovering from the trauma of a lot of things.

 

[shimmerz]

Hmmmm, so then when you think of her is that maybe a trigger to remember your trauma and all that happened at that time? I absolutely know you are not a creep. Are you still thinking of contacting that therapist? It sounds like it wouldn't be a bad idea.

 

[sonicwhite]

I sure feel like a creep tho. It was ten years ago. Why do I still have these toxic unwanted feelings. I don't want to be with her. I will never forget the pain she put me thru. I just think if I would of dated that chick in 07 I would be over her. But I feared a relationship that I was going to get hurt again.

 

[shimmerz]

But I feared a relationship that I was going to get hurt again.

Sounds like you have made some connections that aren't really helpful right now. Can you talk to that therapist? They may be able to help you disconnect the 'connectors' that don't seem to be serving you really well. :hug::hug:

Many of us experience a feeling of 'badness' when we make faulty connections. In therapy (and here on the board) you can learn how to challenge these things. They are just a mirage.

 

[sonicwhite]

I'm going to call her today. I think I gave her a wrong number.

 

[shimmerz]

That's really good Sonic. That is choosing to move forward rather than staying stuck in it! :hug:

 

[sonicwhite]

Boo, she opened her own practice for children but she said to call Oak tree to get another one. She was so sweet. I'm going to miss her.

 

[sonicwhite]

Wulp I'm scared to ask that chick out. She will have to go thru my pain and I just fear rejection. It doesn't mean I fear she would hurt me. I just feel not worthy enough. Like I'm trying to get a job and build my self esteem. But Idk how it will work I'm also scared she will flat out say no.