Need Help Identifying This Feeling

[garden]

Is it being unworthy of any kind of consideration? You feel as if you are unworthy of being taken into consideration in any way by others. That others might view you as unworthy of being respected, of being given dignity, of being loved, of having needs, of being part of something, of the consideration of others, period. Is that feeling one of being unworthy of being considered worthy even...

 

[Deleted member 28942]

It is shame. Brene Brown has few good books on this. The one I am currently reading is:
The Gifts of Imperfection.
She talks about shame a lot.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think feeling unworthy of anything can be a consequence of feeling worthless. (It sounds circular but if you feel you don't deserve much & you receive it anyway it's hard to accept & can feel 'not right' or dishonest or surely others "don't get it".)

Un-entitled, plus shame & or self-blame, anger or rejection of self/ needs (back to unworthy), panic, plus hopelessness, fear?

Hugs to you @sun seeker . :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

Thank you so much everyone. I can see a lot of you can relate. I wish it were not so. And thank you @joeylittle for the reminder that being specific is more important than being succinct. There are lots of feelings all rolled up together here. I'm working on it.

 

[Dana1010]

...the feeling that you are such a bad person that if people knew who you really were everyone would hate you, and would be justified in hating you, and your life is a lie and you are so bad you can never be fixed and should just curl up in a corner and die, maybe painfully?

I don't think there's one word for that, but you perfectly described how I feel for approximately 60 percent of the day, if that helps. That part about your life being a lie was golden. Self-flagellation maybe? Disgust? Slow-release suicide? Waking death?

 

[sun seeker]

I don't know if it helps at all @Dana1010, but I do feel this way less often than I used to.

 

[Dana1010]

I don't know if it helps at all [DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/27344/"]@Dana1010[/DLMURL], but I do feel this way less often than I used to.

What helped?

 

[sun seeker]

@Dana1010, I don't have DID, but I do identify distinct parts of myself that are different ages and connected with different emotional states and needs. If you look at the structural dissociation thread, that is a concept I can identify with, though perhaps a bit more fluidly (some of the states run together at times). I don't know if that is something you identify with. A few years ago I was in a really desperate place and I developed a new part of myself that is like a protector and comforter, or the good parent I never had. Sometimes now when I am very upset, I feel those two parts of myself at once, one the frightened or self-destructive child and the other the protector who will tell me to take a break, take some deep breaths, and that I'm doing fine and everything will be all right. Whatever I need to hear. I will sometimes stroke my own hair, something I always wished my mother would do and never did. Gentle touch. I'll wrap myself in a blanket, listen to music, whatever I am needing just then, until the storm passes. Gentle words plus calming sensory things. I don't seem to have access to this state all the time or in every crisis, but some of the time it helps, and I am getting better at self care.

I don't think this can be the entire solution, but it's some of it. Hope something here helps.