How Would You Know If You Were Trans?

[Lahec]

on a side point, one of the reasons I got bullied so much was because I was a tomboy

anyways, I'm 20, a girl.

I don't want to be a guy, I would not like to wear guy clothes or get hormone therapy. If I could be born again, I would still be a girl.

And yet I don't really feel like much of a girl. I do feel attracted to guys rather than girls.

but things like dresses, I can never see myself wearing them. I cried my eyes out when I moved to high school and had to wear a school skirt.

 

[Lugoc]

If I could be born again, I would still be a girl.

Pretty much everything you've said, but especially the quote above, points to you not being trans.

What is it exactly that makes you not really feel like much of a girl? What is it you feel you should be feeling as a girl? If it's just that you don't like wearing dresses and skirts, there are a lot of women who are more comfortable in trousers. Do you feel like you're not one of those women either - a woman who prefers wearing trousers?

 

[Ara]

Can't edit above post, but to add, you said if you were born again you would still be a girl. This suggests that you do identify quite strongly with a female gender. Can you make a list of the things that you like about being female that would make you want to be born female again?

 

[Lahec]

I guess I just like more guy ish activities. I wear girl clothes but they are almost gender neutral.

What I like about being female...
1. You don't have to act as tough. A girl being in therapy seems more acceptable than a guy in my country,
2. People protect you more
3. You can flirt a little more
4. You can be a bit more light hearted
5. There's not as many gender roles
6. I wouldn't like to be big and muscley

 

[Lahec]

I find this gender thing a bit frustrating though. I did have a lot of gender issues growing up. Not necessarily to the point that I wanted to be a guy but I certainly felt like one when I was young. My mum worked full time and I had only young boys around me rather than girls.

I played their games, wore tracksuits, played contact sport, swore, and by all means had a boys childhood

 

[Ejud]

Lugoc/ara again.

One of my favourite memes ever

You don't have to be 'girly' to be a girl :) I played with 'boys' toys.....or that's what I was told they were, actually at the end of the day, they're all just toys. We are conditioned to think that the stereotype fits all - it doesn't. Women come in as many different 'flavours' as they do shapes. It's fine to be the kind of woman you are, whatever type of woman that is.

 

[Ode]

My mother made my being a girl a bad thing. I was never 'girly' enough for her. 'That isn't very ladylike' still rings in my head when I think of her. Is it possible that there was something inherently bad about being a girl for you? Something you weren't living up to?

 

[Lahec]

'That isn't very ladylike' still rings in my head

I'm the same

Yeah I just was never girly enough. I didn't have that natural girly flair, ever.

 

[Dosine]

I live in a very GLBTQabcdefg (more and more letters keep being added, I don't keep up) friendly city... And occasionally get mistaken as trans. Usually if I'm in a dress & sky high heels in certain areas. Granted, those heels put me at 6'4-6'6. But I get asked 'OMG. Who is your surgeon?' Lol. I always take it as a complement. ;) Yes! I am a believable woman!

Those things you mentioned... Are all just gender markers. They change from country to country, culture to culture, what's considered feminine and masculine. Like in Uganda? Proper women shave their heads, whilst it's manly to have long hair. Although there is some wiggle room for shaving ones head and then getting a million synthetic braids put in.

And in the West? It's not even considered manly these days to be into sports, engines, pants, short hair, whatever tomboyish things -or even butch things- abound. Even if 100 years ago that was considered as manly and unladylike as shaving your face to encourage beard growth is today.

It should be noted, however, that sexuality/sexual identity is rarely considered an aspect of being trans. It often correlates, but there's no causal relationship. Meaning most homosexual people are perfectly happy being the sex they are, and most T-people don't change who they're attracted to, regardless of what sex they started as or become.

 

[Kehu]

I think you might want to learn about the concept of genderqueer, or gender-fluid http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genderqueer
That, to me, seems what you are describing.

 

[Vopotik]

i don't think what you're describing is 'gender queer' - because as you say, if born again you would pick being born a girl.

i think you're coming to a place where you are trying to work out where you 'fit' on the continuum in term so femininity and masculinity.

do you 'have' to pick on or the other? can't you just be YOU and let go of all worries as to if you're this or that, or whatever?

so you're female and don't like to wear feminine clothes, and prefer to swear boyish clothes - nothing wrong with that, do what makes you happy.

im a female - growing up i was 'tomboyish'. i occasionally like dolls, but was far more comfy climbing trees and being active.

as a middle aged woman now - i don't wear feminine clothes. i never ever wear make up. don't own a single pair of impractical shoes. i wear to work, jeans, or khaki pants, long tee's or tops, and hoodies or sports type clothes.

i do like the colour pink - i wont wear it, but i buy some things in pink (slippers, ones, etc).

but I'm MOST comfy when I'm wearing old torn jeans, a hoodie, a cap, and i love to snowboard, having taken that up in my late 30s!

i dont 'fit the mould' but i don't care either. i am who i am, and so be it. i don't feel the need to justify it to anyone as to if I'm 'tomboyish' or not (although once you get to a certain age, the label 'tomboyish' is dropped for 'lesbian' by over people - again, just an assumption, and not actual fact (in my case anyway).

 

[Labu]

ps) (me in post ^^^^^) - agree - sexuality is not anything to do with gender identity.

the terms etc all mixed up - i.e. transexual is used interchangeably with transgender - but both are about GENDER, not sexuality.

you could be a man born in a female body, and are sexually attracted to men or women. and vice versa.

being 'tomboyish' and fancying women would make you a lesbian, ,not necessarily a male born into a female body.

likewise if you are male, born into a female body and were attracted to men - wouldn't technically make you gay - because if you were bond into the 'right' body (i.e. female at birth)( and fancied men, that would make you 'straight'

just know that gender and sexuality are two, very different things. and not necessarily 'fixed' - i believe both can be very fluid, and both are on a continuum - some people are at the very ends or extremes, others are in the middle and others float around both continuums