Do You Ever Wish To Separate Yourself From Your Trauma And Create A New Life?

[Cool Cat]

I used to almost identify as a trauma person, my T challenged it and I got angry.

I am starting to want to distance myself from my trauma, not necessarily in an avoidant way, but a kinda acceptance of it without letting it define me, even though it has. Is it a thing you can do?

 

[shimmerz]

Yes. My trauma used to be my entire being. I ate it, slept it, breathed it. Arrrrghhh! I think it was when my symptoms were not always in my face that it became a natural progression to have it stop driving my life. It was a marker that I was improving and that the work I did was actually helping.

 

[Cool Cat]

I ate it, slept it, breathed it.

I've been a bit like this for a while

 

[Tinyflame]

I tried to get rid of it, overcome it, deny it.

I think it has to come from the outside-in after a while. For me it is hard to imagine it isn't glaringly obvious or all-encompassingly-definable to others or detestable.

 

[Suzetig]

I did that for almost all of my adult life, denied I had experienced any kind of trauma or abuseand build myself into the person though I would have been had it not been for the trauma. I've been successful in my chosen career, have a long standing marriage and good friends. And have been utterly Ill equipped to deal with life emotionally. When I went in to therapy I was completely overwhelmed by my emotions and yet couldn't feel or identify them either.

I was dissociative and extremely anxious all the time, had no sense of fun or humour, couldn't recognise signs my own body would give when I was unhappy or scred. For example, I went to have a smear test done - not my most favourite thing for lots of reasons. The practice nurse spent the whole time reassuring me, being very gentle and offering to stop if I was uncomfortable - I thought she was mad, I thought I was being perfectly calm and matter of fact until she pointed out I was gripping the medical couch for dear life and had physically flinched every time she touched me. I ended up having a panic attack which I ought came out of nowhere and which she identified had been building since I walked in to the surgery.

I'm slowly but surely reconnecting with my emotions and my bodily felt sense of me and can now see a time when my trauma will be processed in a way that it isn't in my mind all the time and doesn't define me. The only way though is for me to go through the fears and feelings in therapy and deal with issues as they come up for me day by day. I know well the desire to move past it. Like @shimmerz, starting to feel its less all encompassing is a sign of recovery for me.

 

[shimmerz]

thought I was being perfectly calm and matter of fact until she pointed out I was gripping the medical couch for dear life and had physically flinched every time she touched me.

Amazing what others see that we don't isn't it? lol. So.not.funny.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Suzetig I totally agree. I don't know how to do it without therapy (or with therapy were it so, for that matter!) I know all the self help books & such & what I've done, but it feels like a mountain of info when I can't read more than a few paragraphs, & by the end of the day (figuratively speaking & sometimes literally) I more often than not feel like an exhausted & frightened child, unless I'm totally distracted.

 

[garden]

I'm slowly but surely reconnecting with my emotions and my bodily felt sense of me and can now see a time when my trauma will be processed in a way that it isn't in my mind all the time and doesn't define me.

This is beautiful and I'm happy for your gains!

 

[Tinyflame]

Mind you, I guess the first part is 'believing' it is true (that 'we' in the (and) 'now' are starting 'new'). I learned that but off on a tangent I forgot. :rolleyes: The hard part is believing it.

 

[WildMermaid]

I saw myself (and identified) as a victim. I don't anymore though.

 

[falling_wave]

I think that's healthy as long as you process little pieces as they come up in your life and don't ignore it. Acceptance and redirecting focus from your trauma is probably the best way to take your life back.

 

[Suzetig]

@Junebug therapy has given me the space, acceptance and care I couldn't give myself. I remember saying to my therapist that I wanted one day to be able to see myself as she sees me. I'm not there yet by a long stretch but I can feel myself changing in spite of myself.

It's such an incredibly hard thing to go through therapy and deal with these issues there's no way I could have made this kind of progress using self help books etc. a good therapist is truly worth their weight in gold.