Do You Ever Wish To Separate Yourself From Your Trauma And Create A New Life?

[Deleted member 1860]

Trauma is like a guy!

OMG hear me out on this one!

EVERY woman knows that as long as she's running from some guy (ANY guy) who has shown her the least amount of interest, that he chases even harder. The harder and farther you run, the harder and farther he runs. Sigh. Its EXHAUSTING!

But, if you stop running, trauma is like "eh, there is no fun in this chase!!!" (Sort of like the evolutionary bit with guys and why they like to chase.....its in their genes!) Ok, so maybe trauma doesn't have genes, but its the same principle.

So play those head games with trauma. Say hey trauma, I OWN YOU! And guess what? Trauma gets bored. Trauma stops fighting you so hard because you stop fighting it.


This is my own little trauma head game, but I did once have a T who told me to stop fighting it all so much and I'd feel better. Hot damn if she wasn't right.....


So now, more or less, trauma and I have an agreement of sorts. I allow the trauma to exist (in the background) because at the end of the day, trauma just wants a voice, too. I mean, c'mon, trauma was a big part of me, and to silence trauma? Ohhhhh, nooooo, not a good thing! Trauma still has his voice, but at the same time he knows his place. Trauma knows he can make my life a living hell at any moment, so I keep him happy with lots of self care and grounding and coping skills. Yeah, it may sound crazy, but it works.

 

[shimmerz]

wanted one day to be able to see myself as she sees me.

This is absolutely beautiful. I love this as a goal. It sounds like your T is great that you can trust that she sees you in such a lovely way.

T who told me to stop fighting it all so much and I'd feel better. Hot damn if she wasn't right.....

I absolutely believe this. I think that sometimes that can be really hard if symptomology is off the board, but I think we expand whatever we focus on. It was hard to figure out what the fine line was in how much CPU space to give it when symptoms were high. I know that when I was going to therapy every freaking day it became my everything. I don't think it was good for me and I think I added fuel to the fire by doing so....but then again, I was really sick....and crazy symptomatic.

Acceptance and redirecting focus from your trauma is probably the best way to take your life back.

Which is kind of what Solara was saying I think.....Yes? I felt like such a worker bee trying to fight this thing. It was so counterproductive. I did something else with it....and I guess the best word would be acceptance.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My traumas were in control before therapy and I lived like a victim and was defined by my traumas.

My life is mine now and my traumas are filed as past experiences of trauma that once happened to me, but I am now free of the shame, false guilt, self loathing and self hatres and I am free and now define myself.

I still have bad days and I do a lot of self care and they pass. I am doing so much better than I used to so there is hope.

 

[Tinyflame]

.. has given me the space, acceptance and care I couldn't give myself.. one day to be able to see myself as she sees me. I'm not there yet.

Thank you @Suzetig , I think I understand what you mean. That is beyond acceptance (for ourselves) of having ptsd.

 

[Suzetig]

It is, I found accepting PTSD a relatively easy thing because I knew I wasn't "right" if that makes sense. I've always been very blaming of myself for my childhood trauma and deeply ashamed, I'm slowly but surely beginning to accept myself, accept the roles other people had in my situation and to accept how little control or power I had. It means I can put responsibility where it belongs, on the people who abused me, rather than believing myself to be bad or evil in some way. It's been a long road but for the first time this week I realised I don't feel ashamed anymore about something that this time last year I could barely talk about for shame. I'm not there yet, but I can see signs of recovery that will hopefully enable me to move on.

 

[Go Hungry]

Yes for sure. I spent a very long time letting my trauma define me. It was in control and I was largely just along for the ride, or so it seemed. Then, through years of therapy and one giant breakthrough, I finally figured out the root of it. Then there was even more therapy, and now.. a lot of self-care and vigilance helps keep it at bay. It's not gone, that's for sure.. but I'm getting quite good at knowing when I am succumbing to symptoms, and when I'm being "me".. I am starting a new life, one where I get to decide and be in control of myself, instead of being controlled by others. It's daunting and scary at times, but I have a plan and I'm sticking with it.

 

[Anrish]

@Solara : I really like the way you described PTSD. :D:hilarious: It made me laugh...and after I read it I don't perceive it as threatening as before. Thank you. :):hug: You opened a new perspective for me! ;)

I wouldn't know how to start a new life without PTSD. My experiences made me who I am today and even if I'm broken in many ways...I don't want to be a different person which I would be without PTSD after all. Me and myself might not always have the same opinion but we're getting closer and grow together and I don't want to change that completely.

PTSD ruled my life for a long time but it also opened new ways - far off from the masses. And I enjoy some of my hobbies I only started because of that matter.

The easiest, hardest and most important thing is acceptance, I assume. None of us can change what happened, none of us can change what it did to us, but we all can learn to accept it, move forward and make the best of it. ...even if we never fit in society's norms because of mistrust, certain anxieties or whatsoever...as long as we can look into the mirror (I really hate doing that) and say "I survived and I got pretty far"...it's okay. PTSD is one part of our personality but it's not the person as a whole.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes @Suzetig it makes perfect sense, & is very similar to what happened to me this week! Are we 'twinnies'? :wideeyed: :) :joyful: Except to also add not just it's place in the past but also despite symptoms or realities of it it's 'lack of place' it should be given in the present, if that makes sense? That we should protect our hearts from those who don't "get it" , & we don't have to live in fear of the fall-out when it occurs or future- we can say that was a long time ago (many things; & more importantly it was or is past!), choose who, how or when to reveal anything at all (we re not obligated out of shame or honesty or anything else), & we don't just look like it's stamped on our foreheads (even if we thought so, maybe why it is so hard to look in the mirror as anrish said? Shame, etc, as you said).

Thank you! :hug:

@Anrish I don't think we lose it, except to change in other ways of course. (Part of healing?) I would say (in relation to what @Suzetig said) like looking in the mirror & getting to the point of not 'seeing' anything ptsd related, because others have seen us without ptsd (if that makes sense). That they see us as 'us' & we come to see ourselves that way too.

They say we get to a point where we actually see ourselves in the other person, & vice versa (not ptsd).

 

[moonbeam]

I tried. And failed. It followed me and always will.

I'm now of the opinion that I don't need to start over so much as continue working through it so I can come out the other side.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think I have to stop fighting it so hard.

 

[Suprane]

I believe what has helped me is "Accepting". Accepting many things; That I have the disease and the permanent effects on the brain. Accepting many close people, people you wanted loving relationships with, will go from you. Accepting that life's goals, society defined goals are many times not the truth nor the way. Accepting a slow, small life is pleasant and filled with peace and love. Accepting being apart, alone most of the time, is not bad, nor a sadness. And many more acceptances, that brain damaged people must accept and be at peace with. If you are able to heal the wound and you want intricate goals fulfilled and can do so without hurting yourself, go for it, but if you find yourself in turmoil and life is extracting a piece of you all the time, slow down, enjoy the peace of acceptance. Just my honest opinion. Bless to all who suffer.

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow @Suprane I'm glad for you, but with all due respect that kind of acceptance would make me personally want to head for the nearest bridge or tall building. I agree we need to be kind to ourselves but that is a very small bubble to live within, do you think?