Do You Ever Wish To Separate Yourself From Your Trauma And Create A New Life?

[Suprane]

No I used to have those thoughts ( that philosophy was kinda forced on me ) and felt being alone more than with people would be undoable, but not anymore. I still socialize when I want and I do it much calmer now. I embrace being apart. When totally quiet and free of racing thoughts I see, hear, feel and smell things I was missing. Being alone, to me, let's us strengthen and grow and heal and find peace. Of course everyone's walk is different and I am sure here are many who need people around much more than they need solitude. I am not one, but understand those who do. TC

 

[Tinyflame]

That's good for you @Suprane , TC too. :hug:

 

[Suprane]

Thank you Junebug and I hope you find peace. I worked in a very intense field for 45 years ( nursing and nurse anesthesia ) and so mostly the reason I enjoy solitude and quiet. It is good for everyone, but in what measure ? Up to the individual I would imagine. When in need of company I have a small group of guys where we share stories, drink a brewski or two, laugh and enjoy. I have a wonderful wife, who loves more socialization and we have worked that out to shared satisfaction, None of these boundaries came easy, many tough times and hurdles to climb, but now my world is at peace for the time being. And like another poster here, I have better identified the precursors to anxiety and fear, anger and sadness and I head them off sooner, or I ride with them more calmly until the cloud passes. A good book and some solitude, excepting Oz and Jackie, my canine partners in crime, and I refresh quicker. Being retired has helped the most. After about 30,000 cases and the death of one, I have cut myself a break and relaxed. That death compounded and added to an attack at USMC West Point, age 18, were two of my traumas, that forever changed my brain, it is so nice to have quiet, calm and not at all lonely peace. Be well.

 

[Tinyflame]

Well that's a very different thing than barricading yourself on the mountain with no human contact @Suprane . ;) Good for you. Lovely post. Peace to you. :hug:

 

[Suprane]

Thank you.

 

[rainy_daze]

a kinda acceptance of it without letting it define me

How do you define you Cool Cat? I mean in a non-trauma way.

I ask because maybe that would be helpful for you ^.

Good topic to post about. I wish you all the best in becoming the you that is not defined by the past.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I have accomplished this, but not in the "move away" type of way.

By working hard at therapy for these past several years, doing EMDR, putting good suggestions into practice, I can honestly say that on most days, my traumas have been left behind in the past.

By forcing myself to keep trying to connect to others, I finally have. I actually have a new life now. A much more social, satisfying, and safe life.

For me, the only way out of my old life was through therapy, this forum, and working, working, working.

It has all been worth it.

 

[rainy_daze]

It's nice to read you @BloomInWinter and congratulations on your new life. I could like that post many times as it is an example of hard work paying off and living a life after trauma, one that is happy and wanted.

@Cool Cat I was wondering when you try to define yourself are you able to think of the roles you play in others lives? When you know them, are you able to think of words that would describe your personality?

It's sad that trauma can impact so much on identity. I will think about this topic more CCat. I do think it can be done, to answer your original question, but it takes patience and work.

 

[VioletButterfly]

ABSOLUTELY. I am blind-sided. If it weren't for encouragement and understanding from here, I don't know where I'd be right now. it's hard to accept that all I can do is to keep my apartment and myself clean, to pay bills, and to make various plans for recovery - not that I carry through with this as I seem to be frozen, that I can keep seeking help from professionals and keep going back even though I seem to find lame ones. I still keep trying. The trauma is always there. I wasn't even aware of it being "trauma" until I sent into therapy 10 years ago. It is my present now as well as my past due to having to tend to my mom's endless issues and work issues. I'm trying to learn to step away a little bit - to find space for me, but due to our enmeshment, I just feel it isn't possible and that she lives through me. That I have no right to have a life. I keep praying, seeking insights, and looking for ideas and inspiration out here, through books and shows (TV, TED talks). I actually considered today that it might be time to look at disability in order to keep my head above water. That threw me on the floor. I thought, "what have I come to?" I am so afraid of the workplace. It's weird to be I this state of mind - no matter how bad things have gotten, I've always seemed to eek through. I'm not so sure right now.


I want to run away, become a new person and move to Oregon. Don't know why that state, but it seems to be about nature and the out-of-doors. That, and coffee (decaf only). God, please grant me the ability to endure all that is coming and has come my way. I just need a break and some good luck, so that I can work through this stuff. God, please grant me peace and understanding that that all is possible through your grace. VB

 

[worthymisfit]

@Cool Cat I was able to do the move away thing and it has been the best thing I ever did for myself. When I did move, I was pretty far along in recovery. I had taken a trip to Europe to visit one of my best friends, another PTSD sufferer, and it was like my eyes opened up. As soon as I got home I thought, why am I still living in this place? Its a horrible place for me to be, I constantly surround myself with triggers (family, driving past my old schools, even the culture of the city), none of the things I enjoy are here, so I isolate myself at home and that's not good.

So I moved 950 miles away, sold my house, started over. It was the best thing I have EVER done in life. My family aka the prison wardens kept telling me I couldn't move, you can't run away from your problems, etc. That's a lie. When your problem that is preventing you from growing and recovering is the place you live and the people that live there, you can move away from it and it is a valid solution as long as you don't expect all of the emotional trauma to go away when you move. My family were shocked when I left, even the moment I pulled out of the driveway I think they thought I would turn around and come back. I didn't. Me leaving was totally outside of the realm of what they thought I was capable of doing and doing so helped me prove to myself they were wrong about this and so many other things. It was like I took control of my life in an instant and took it away from the emotionally abusive people that raised me and were still controlling my life choices.

Not gonna lie, moving is very difficult and very stressful. The planning, the money, finding the right place, etc. but when all was said and done, I felt so empowered that I was able to leave the prison and start over. I am no longer on someone else's turf. If my parents want to visit, I can tell them no (which I still haven't done because its hard for me, but I'm working on it), or I can set the ground rules (which I actually have practiced doing... its a miracle really) because we are on my turf now, not theirs.

I think what moving did for me was give me the breathing room and the environment to process the triggers and trauma from my childhood without constantly still being exposed to the people and places that caused the trauma. I still have to deal with a lot of things, its just in smaller doses so I can process it when it does pop up. Basically I was able to get out of survival mode and work on myself.

Whether its moving or something else, I hope you find a way to empower yourself to take control of your life like I did... best thing I ever did.

 

[fellowsufferer]

@Cool Cat. I would give anything to achieve that, but i don't know how to picture that. My therapist asked me after my first session: "how do you view yourself in the future, when this therapy is working out for you" I said: I hope i can handle my symptoms better, and move on with life. I would be happy if that is possible! I hope so!