General Ptsd And Watching Children

[Deleted member 28812]

As you might know my guy has lost his job and has not found a new one so far.

Now there is a job offer I would like to apply for and he said he would watch our boys (at least until he finds a new job. That might take a while). I would really love to work in my career field again.

But then I am not sure if he will be able to watch the children. Don't get me wrong. He has endless patience and he clearly loves them but he does not like to go out. He likes to sit in the house with the blinders closed and watch TV and he does not talk much when he has a bad day. I mean he does talk - but not much. When he has a bad day he is not social.

 

[falling_wave]

I thinks it personal on how each person copes but for me watching kids brings out all the most positive traits in me and makes me feel better.

 

[Friday]

I was a stay-at-home-parent for 9 years. 5 of those, homeschooling. It was one of my perfect jobs. Absolutely loved it. <chuckling> As a parent you get the :banghead: that happens with raising kids... But really. I honestly don't think anything else could have been better for me. On a wide variety of fronts.

Yes... There were times we didn't leave the house, much. It wasn't very often, but it did happen. I compensated for those times by turning my house into something of a wonderland. ((Ended up being the house all the neighborhood kids wanted to play at because of it.)) More things to do than at their preschools, schools, homes, parks... Eventually. But it was still "home" and therefore still needed to be a sanctuary. It was a really good/ interesting/ evolving challenge to sort out.

However... Most of the time? We were out & about. Far more than I ever go out on my own (before or since). I found my stride with it, but it took time to build up that self confidence. I had go-bags for myself and each of "my" kids (I sometimes minded my son's cousins for extended periods) both in the house for walking trips and in the trunk of my car for driving trips. Want to go somewhere? No getting everyone ready. Simply potty & out the door!

What I personally do best is to bring order to chaos. Kids are pure chaos :D So I always had something to be doing. It was great fun. For them & me.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

What I personally do best is to bring order to chaos.

Personal to ask, before or with PTSD? When sinking try to recall my "best." Interest to poll latent (?) talents. At your best when doing…? I try to retrieve that core of me. Is it trapped, broken, healing to re-emrge?

 

[rightkindofme]

I'm a stay at home mom who is home schooling. I'm seven years in (my daughter turns seven tomorrow. *sniff*) and we have an active, busy life interspersed with periods when we stay home. That's ok too.

 

[Friday]

@Changeling... After, for sure. It wasn't something I could do, really, before PTSD. I thrive in chaos. My mind makes little neat connections and alleyways. I don't want to say "everyone" because my favorite mode of working is in a team of similar folk who can just see clearly through the clusterf*ck, but to get a sense... "Everyone" (else) is freakin out? Milling about? Doing stupid? That's where I relax and things get clear. Alright! You there,you there, you there....

It's... Indescribable... When you've got 6 or 8 others all in shouting distance and you're making a hole, clearing a path, getting from A to B. Whether it's through crowds of screaming people or over rubble or... I love it. It's sense.

Same sort of thing clicks on whether it's out in the field, or an accident or disaster site, or in an EMergency Room, or at a playground or classroom full of kids and hip deep in them. It's just lovely.

It's normal life I can't handle.

 

[ihateusernames]

I am a stay home parent. My son is almost 3. I haven't been doing very well over these 3 years, but I'll tell you, kids force you into action. I'm usually dragging, but I have yet to find the opportunity to withdraw. You don't feel like making lunch? Oh well. You've gotta put something together. Even if it's just cheese and crackers. Don't feel like going out? That's fine for a day or 2, but after that they let their displeasure be well known. You want to stare at the wall and it's naptime or snack time or dirty diaper time or play grocery store time? It's far easier to just do it. So I wouldn't be surprised if it actually helped him to be home with your children.

 

[Wastinglight]

He likes to sit in the house with the blinders closed and watch TV and he does not talk much when he has a bad day.

I don't have anything to say on the topic of kids (since neither my partner nor I have any, or plan on having any), but I just wanted to say two things:

1. All the best for your job application! I understand what it means to be able to work in the field you trained in - work in my field dried up a year or so ago :(. Hope it works out.

2. I'm a bit relieved to find that I'm not the only one who has to put up with the blinds being drawn 24/7, 365 days a year! Gah! Let some sun in already! And I've recently come to the realisation that sharing his favourite TV shows and movies with me is the main way that my guy bonds with me!

 

[Meadowsweet]

I like the replies here. Lemontree, if you don't give him a chance to find that he can do useful things in life, how will he ever be able to find that out about himself? Sometimes feeling useless and worthless exacerbates mental health issues.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

2. I'm a bit relieved to find that I'm not the only one who has to put up with the blinds being drawn 24/7, 365 days a year! Gah! Let some sun in already! And I've recently come to the realisation that sharing his favourite TV shows and movies with me is the main way that my guy bonds with me!

Same here. It is a way of bonding for him. Unfortunately his favourite movies are of the funny kind and I don't like funny movies... but we learned to find some movies we both do enjoy and do "home cinema" including pizza and nachos and home made lemonade. I learned to like that though I have been more of the outdoor type before and did not like TV very much.
@Sweetpea76's guy has the same blinders tic.

 

[Deleted member 28812]

Wonder how he will be able to cope with the dirt because he is shocked when they children make a mess.
I applied for the job but did not hear from them by the way.

I realized I could apply first and still have time to think if I really want to do it - because I am still not sure.

 

[Wastinglight]

Unfortunately his favourite movies are of the funny kind and I don't like funny movies...

Yeah my guy loves dodgy comedies too. Luckily I'm not too picky when it comes to movies (Hot Tub Time Machine, anyone? Seriously, he made me watch this - and the sequel! :p).

It's the WWE Wrestling that I really can't stand, but thankfully he doesn't watch it when I'm at home anymore (the first and only time he put it on, I locked myself in the bedroom and refused to come out until he changed the channel!).