Relationship One Thing After Another!!!!

[Becksknox]

So now my whatever you want to call him with combat PTSD is on a dating site, OKCupid. He did this the last time to after telling me he didn't want to be in a relationship and most recently saying he couldn't handle a relationship or dating right now.

Last time when I found out, he said it was to "boost his ego" and see if others found him attractive. He has always had very low self esteem, so this could be the answer, but it's just twisting the knife in my heart even more.

Why is it that some men with PTSD or combat PTSD do this? Now I really feel lost, out of hope and just giving up all the way.

I hope someone can give me insight into this.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

It has nothing to do with PTSD. I think that you're in danger of blaming all of his issues on PTSD. This is a dangerous path to go down. The truth is that he could just be a d-bag who is being a total ass-wipe.

 

[seedling]

You say that last time you had to "find out" before hearing his reason for doing this. If he was upfront in the relationship he could have said "I'm happy being with you but want to know if I'm attractive to others, I'm thinking of being on a dating site to find out."

Maybe what he's really trying to say now is "I don't want to be in our relationship."?

It's up to you to decide what you do want to call him. A person whose behavior has you feeling lost and hopeless; PTSD or no, what you want from any relationship is your decision.

He may not be very well aware of what he wants.

 

[Sighs]

I second @itsKismet - lots of nice guys get PTSD, but lots of jerks also get PTSD.

If this is not acceptable to you (and it sure as hell would not be acceptable to me) then it doesn't really matter why he did it.

 

[anthony]

Why is it that some men with PTSD or combat PTSD do this?

Question: are you in a relationship with him, or not? I don't mean just what you believe, but what he says. Has he committed to being with you?

If he has, then being on a dating site is unacceptable, period. Low self-esteem is not a direct correlation to what women think of him. If he needs others to think something of him, then that is still low self-esteem. He is only deluding himself with underlying problems, such as self-confidence.

Confidence in oneself is not based on what others think, but what you think of yourself. He's making excuses and you're maybe accepting them.

If a person wants to be with you, truly be with you, they will not be looking elsewhere, they will climb whatever hurdles are needed, and they won't make excuses.

If he hasn't committed to you, then it is you who needs to let go of him and move on with your life, as he is just dragging you down.

 

[Lilmssunshine]

Match his effort. If he's on a dating site let him be on a dating site. But you need to create your own profile n go on your own dates. Mine did this to me almost two years ago. Now he regrets it because it made me choose not to move across the country with him. Does it hurt? Hell yes but having enough self esteem to not nag to him is gonna be your best bet. Give him space and do your own thing. Create boundaries for yourself.

 

[Deleted member 29991]

Get 'em girls and boys !

Bad behavior is bad behavior .

In my reading about PSTD ,after so much therapy and digging and crying on the sufferer's part, behavior is still a CHOICE!

Don't get chumped.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

This sounds to me like he's using PTSD as an excuse to get away with chasing other women.

Your original post said 'my whatever you want to call him'. What do you call each other? Is this a relationship, for both of you, or is it a case of it will do for now.

IMAO when a man says he doesn't want to commit, it means that he just doesn't want to commit to you. Trust me, I've been there!

Sorry to be so brutal, but I think you need to have a good think about what you want from a relationship and if he's the one who can give it to you.

 

[Becksknox]

@notsurewheretoturn We are now back in our relationship did. I went on tinder for an ego boost as well bc it's simpler. He found out and was crushed and right then we quit. We know and both said we give eachother all we long for. Thank you he is a changed person seeing he could lose me.