I Am Tired Of Hurting My Loved Ones...

[OneLife2Live]

Sometimes I feel hopeless and stuck. It seems like it should be so easy to control my emotions and let go of everything that has happened to me, but I struggle with it daily and fail daily. It is so frustrating. I don't even like myself sometimes. My poor boyfriend and family...they get it the worst and it hurts because I know I am hurting them. I don't know how they put up with me. I know why, because they love me.

I am not going to therapy or taking any medication. I am trying my best to deal with it on my own. There is only one thing that helps, but does not heal it of course...it is an herb. It helps me to calm down, focus, relax, and think.

I do mental exploring daily, I give myself pep talks, and I am upfront and honest with my loved ones about what I am thinking, feeling, and experiencing. I don't tell them everything but I have gotten better at communicating. I am very fortunate for the great support system!

I think to myself...why am I struggling so much with this. There are others that have been through waaaaayyyyy worse situations than I have been. I should be able to just turn it off like a light switch right? I wish it was that easy.

I refuse to think that I cannot conquer this! I may have PTSD but it does not define me. I am not PTSD, it became a part of me, and I don't want it anymore.

 

[InvisibleSun]

I can relate to so much of what you're saying. I feel the exact same way about myself...it baffles me that people are able still able to love me. However..no matter what our loved ones may have to put up with, they are still there, and they still love us. That means there is still hope..embrace that. :)

I am not going to therapy or taking any medication. I am trying my best to deal with it on my own. There is only one thing that helps, but does not heal it of course...it is an herb. It helps me to calm down, focus, relax, and think.

The worst thing that you can do for your recovery is to convince yourself that you can do this on your own! You can't..and I don't believe you want to. Because if you did, then you wouldn't be here. Accepting that you need outside help is the first step towards recovery. I say this because I thought I could do it on my own too. And it almost killed me..An herb may help you now, but it is only a crutch and will not allow you to get to the root of the problem. Do not discount therapy and medication..use all the resources you can to aid in your recovery. But most importantly...don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not alone and you don't have to be..never forget that.

PTSD is a different animal....and if you so allow, it will eat you alive. It will destroy you. I can PROMISE you that..

I refuse to think that I cannot conquer this! I may have PTSD but it does not define me. I am not PTSD, it became a part of me, and I don't want it anymore.

I love your optimism and positive attitude..never lose that! You can do this...we all can! :)

Good Luck!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Is there a reason why you aren't going to therapy or taking medication?

TBH, I don't think you can achieve lasting healing without going to therapy. (Medication is another issue altogether.) PTSD is a disorder where our minds are stuck in the past, and to move forward we must somehow process our trauma(s). Without the help of an outsider, processing is pretty much impossible.

You say that you're tired of hurting your loved ones, but you're not doing everything in your power to heal. This really isn't a disorder that people conquer on their own. Its not a matter of mind over matter.

 

[Fadeaway]

If you had a broken arm, would you still say that you were trying to deal with it the best you could on your own, or would you seek medical attention and get a cast put on it? Just some food for thought.

 

[OneLife2Live]

@InvisibleSun Thank you so much for your encouragement and advice. I have only discovered the whole PTSD thing like a year ago. I have known something was wrong with me but could never figure out what. I came across PTSD and when I read the symptoms my jaw hit the floor. I finally had a name for my issues. Now it is just figuring out how to heal from it...I WILL heal from it!

 

[OneLife2Live]

I am not against getting help. I do not take meds because I don't like pills and the insurance is an issue. I do not go to therapy because I cannot afford it and because I had a bad first experience. I am trying as many various avenues as much as I can before resulting to pills....that is my last resort.

 

[InvisibleSun]

@OneLife2Live I can definitely understand that..I'm paying for my treatment costs out of pocket and it really does get so expensive. It is a shame that treatment options aren't more affordable.

I am trying as many various avenues as much as I can before resulting to pills....that is my last resort.

I respect that..medication was a last resort for me as well..and I'm planning on coming off my meds as soon as I am more stable. True healing comes from within but, I must say, they have been tremendously helpful in getting me back on my feet! I'm so glad you are staying so upbeat about you're recovery..that is so important. I hope you are able to find the resources you need to finally take your life back. You have a long road ahead of you but you can do this! Keep staying strong :)

 

[suzannetran18w]

There are so many resources out there that can help you and you don't have to do this alone. If it hasn't gotten any better and you are still trying to do it on your own when will you ge better? Just because you need help doesn't make you weak. Don't you want to get better and enjoy life and the rest of Summer? Sometimes.. When depression and mental illness sets in you can't hope it away, think it away, push it away, or even pray it away (although it does help) Get some help..whether its counseling, a low does of medication or both. Do it for your family and definitely for yourself. Someone i love very dearly is trying to cope on his own and its just not working for him and its hard on the people who love him. Its hard because no one can make you do anything but yourself. Please dont try to do this alone.