Want To Say Thank You And I'll Catch You Sometime

[Sammyiam]

Hi,

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped me over the last ( I have no idea how long it has been )
Couple of years. I have had many struggles with myself and my Mum dying over a year long illness and her problems with me before that. I have struggled most of the time on here and I feel that I have been a burden to people on here. I am sorry if I have ever hurt anyone's feeling by anything I have written or said in chat. I really have appreciated everyone's help. I have tried to write some replies to friends in PM tonight and I worte and rewrote my reply about ten times. Everything I wrote and I looked at just wasn't right. I just carn't do anything right anymore with writing what I feel. I am struggling like most on here but I used to be able to still have a small part of me that would write replies to people on threads thinking that I may be helping ever so small if at all.

Now I just think I am better off leaving so I don't offend anyone or always just be a downer. I often look at chat and think if people see my name, they will leave as I just have been or said something wrong or to offend someone. I know it is in my head but I just carn't seem to get a hold of it anymore and seem to be slowly blowing my self to bits piece by piece. I just feel so tired and run down with it all, my brain never switches off. All I hear is negative thinking and calling myself terrible names inside my head . I just carn't seem to feel good about myself or be kind to myself .


I just don't want to every hurt anyone or say anything to offend anyone and it scares me to bits whenever I write something. I delete it about ten times so I don't say anything to be bad to anyone. I just find it to hard to think I'm doing something wrong and I know a lot of you will think that sounds a dumb thing to say but I have huge anixiety and paranoia about hurting people's feelings and then they are going to come back and say that I have done something wrong and tell me off.

I'm just so tired of feeling so bad and don't want to have any of my bad feelings hurting anyone else I would never forgive myself if I made someone else bad after talking with me. I hope I haven't offended anyone or said anything that makes anyone feel worse with my replies. Half of my replies and threads I don't even remember writing or doing. I look at my red flag telling me someone has posted a reply and I think I didn't write that. Oh well maybe I have, and then think oh no what have i written.

I think maybe it would be best if I just stayed away from everyone and just hide out until I can be a more helpful person and be able to help more people on here. I just worry so much that I have written the wrong thing, and made it worse for the people I'm trying to help.

I really want to thank the moderators and Anothony and Nicolette and everyone on here for all the help I really really thank you so much and this is a great site the best ever and it helps so many people. I have never tried any other site, this was my first and I have felt very safe on here so thank you to everyone.

 

[scout86]

I hope you'll change your mind! You never stuck me as being a "downer". You aren't causing problems or making people feel bad, from what I've seen. You're a valued member of the community just that way you are. I can't IMAGE you hurting anyone's feelings. I probably haven't read all of your posts, but I've never known you to be anything but kind. You're being WAY too hard on yourself, IMO. (There are a lot of times I don't remember having posted something too!) Take good care of yourself and please stick around!

 

[Purplemunchkin]

This ^^

 

[barefoot]

I've never thought as you as being a 'downer' either - or offensive! You've always struck me as being very kind, thoughtful and helpful. I hope you decide to hang around after all, even if you want to decide not to post for a little while...you can still read stuff, engage with others through 'liking' posts etc and, really importantly, you'll still feel like a member of a very supportive community who care about you and who will want to do whatever they can to help if you do ever want to share something or ask for some support for yourself.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time at the moment...but completely leaving a community who has helped you in the past – and where you have helped others in the past – isn't the only option.

this is a great site the best ever

So don't leave....not right now...

 

[Tinyflame]

Even if you can't remember posting @Sammyiam I never read one that wasn't kind or gentle or respectful of everyone else. I hope you will stay. It's been a very difficult time for you, & we (afl) would miss you very much.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[digger]

Can I suggest you try looking at your decision from a slightly different angle? Instead of using it as another thing to feed your negativity about yourself, maybe give yourself some credit for recognising some of the behaviours it is reinforcing and that choosing to take a break isn't necessarily a terrible thing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing - it doesn't have to be that you are a member of the site or you're leaving and never coming back - you could just take a break from the site for a bit. Recognising that it is currently fuelling your paranoia and leading to you beating yourself up, and choosing to give yourself a break from that, could be a positive self care thing IF you allow it to be and choose to use the break to allow, find or restore some balance with those things.

I interact with this site differently at different times depending on where my head is at and how well it (my head, not the site, although that is sometimes a factor too ;)) is behaving, or not. Chat, I have to avoid unless I'm in a fairly good headspace otherwise I struggle with the realtime interaction and unpredictability of it. That's me, other people obviously will have their own experience. Sometimes I restrict myself pretty much to posting only in my own diary, or just in the diary forum, or only replying to social threads. Other times I interact across the site. Sometimes I have a gazillion people on ignore, other times I pretty much scrap my ignore list, other than for a select few :D I do this as a way of learning to recognise and respond to my own needs.

If you feel like taking a complete break from the site might do you good - take it, but for your benefit, not for the (mis)assumed benefit to other members.
If you feel there are some parts of the site that you are still benefiting from, allow yourself to continue using them rather than punishing yourself.

 

[J_trustno1]

Please don't leave Sammy. You're not a downer, you feel what you feel. I've felt that over the years and I still feel all those things at times. All I'm trying to say is that you are not hurting anyone in fact you're a very sweet, kind & a caring person. I hope you really do change your mind about leaving the forum. :hug:s

 

[ms spock]

I remember some rather good times on the chat room disco dancing floor. I will keep the Y of the Y M C A warm for you @Sammyiam. (I put in a new sound system and a new dance floor, I updated all our disco balls as well. I think you will be impressed next time you come by - of course @Tanishq suggested the new sound system, I thought whilst I am at it, I might as well renovate the lot.)

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: @Sammyiam - I see you as an important and essential part of this community. I know you don't want to hurt or bring anyone down so much. I have not seen it happen, and I very much agree with what everyone else has shared here.

And... here's the thing... Even if you did wrire something that made someone feel hurt, it absolutely does NOT that you would need to go away and hide. I fear that you are giving in to distorted belief that you must always be happy and never have a bad day to be of great value to other people. It's just not true! Your being small and invisible doesn't help anyone at all.

I like you when you are happy, and I have liked you just as much when you have been sad or struggling. You are of great value to this community when you encourage others and you are of great value to the community when you are sad and struggling and need support yourself.

I respect your decisions to do what you need to do to take care of you, and I can feel the pain and fear you have in writing the "wrong" thing.

However, I hope you reconsider and keep staying around, visible, and don't give into the false idea that you are not good enough to be around here. That sounds like a distorted thought that comes from an abuser.

Please disagree with that distorted thought, please disagree with your abusers, and claim your right to be visible and here and loved and cared about just as you are!

Please know that even if you did cause offense, or hurt or brought someone down, it's ok. It's really ok. Unless you do it with malicious intent to attack someone... It's really ok to goof up and say the wrong thing. It's ok to let others know you are having a crappy day. Not only does it give others the opportunity to care about you, it helps us know we are not alone in the struggle.

You are really a very delightful person to know, just as you are. Please stay.

Besides, it looks like @Ms Spock is getting the chat room decorated for the best chat room disco party EVER, an it just wouldn't be the same without you. :hug:

 

[Recovery4Me]

Can I suggest you try looking at your decision from a slightly different angle? Instead of using it as another thing to feed your negativity about yourself, maybe give yourself some credit for recognising some of the behaviours it is reinforcing and that choosing to take a break isn't necessarily a terrible thing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing - it doesn't have to be that you are a member of the site or you're leaving and never coming back - you could just take a break from the site for a bit.

Sammy, although many of the members offered valuable input, I believe Digger nailed it for me. (Hence the borrow of her quote.) Also, there is the choice of just reading and clicking like (or not) or participating on the social threads for a bit. There exist definitely more options than all or nothing veins.

So consider hiding but perhaps play peek-a-boo with us and dart about the board. Maybe open your profile up for just for hugs? Can't tell you how many times I have tried to just offer smiles your way!;) There are lots of radical changes that one can make in life. The emoticon thread, to show your day...how can one go wrong there? Three words for a change thread ...not too terrible a risk, right? Update your puppies lives and give us the mushes. Most everyone loves furbabies!:hug: Aw, come on'...we are not so scarey, are we? :alien: Just maybe a little special in our mood fluxes...but then that's why we found this board in the first place, Sammy, right?

But no matter what you choose, thank you for being you. I really enjoyed watching you inspire people, care about people and how they wanted to do the same for you. We are here Sammy...for you too. It is not a one way street but a journey within our little village. We'll keep your teepee warm, and the fire lit either way.

You have a home here darling...don't be a stranger.:hug:

 

[Deleted member 28740]

@Sammyiam Some days I seek those climbing the mountains and their vistas, other days those in the valley and the woes. All is beneficial as so few, even ourselves, understand this unchosen path we are on. Stay close, we need all the ingredients here, especially the kind and open.

 

[Tanishq]

You have helped me so much. This memories will stay in my heart for forever, I have your friendship. Allow me to suggest something. You did your best to help me and it did reach me. It is enough for me. I don't know how to put those moments into words.

How can you be downer, now you tell me? If you were downer, would you help me? No. Reality is you are uplifter. :)

Gentle Hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug: