Childhood Parent Responses To Teen Suicide Attempt?

[Mammo]

Hi everyone,

I attempted suicide when I was a teenager. The hospital required me to see a child psychologist in an outpatient appointment.

My Mum drove me to the appointment, and in the carpark told me not to say anything about what happens at home, or the fact that I used to cut myself, on the basis that the psychologist will only want to blow things out of proportion and will be out to ruin my father's career; and that we will be put into care i.e. the whole family would be destroyed.

My T said this constitutes neglect? is it? has anyone else had similar experiences of reactions by parents to this stuff?

cheers guys

 

[Queen Boudica]

No similar experiences, but yes of course it is neglect. you were cutting yourself and you just attempted suicide, and putting that burden on you that not to tell what happened at home. If she didn't want you telling it was because she knew something was wrong. So you just attempted suicide and she wanted to cover up your home life. And you were cutting and you were supposed to not tell the psychologist. What did she want you to continue cutting? Neglect and wrong.

 

[Fadeaway]

Any time a parent tells you what to say or not to say to Dr.s other than to tell you to be truthfull, it is usually a good indicator that they feel the need to hide something out of fear or guilt.

I got my fair share of coaching on what to say to medical professionals as a kid. It is neglect and whats worse is that she was trying to manipulate you with fear tactics. I see this as a form of emotional abuse too.

 

[Lolo]

The first time I cut my wrist I was 11. My mom put a bandaid on it and told me I was going to be fine. When I was 15 I was in the hospital for attempting suicide. My mom called and told me she wanted to kill herself. She was supposed to visit me that day. I told my therapist I didn't want to see her. When my therapist called my told her that she wanted to kill herself. My mom ended up on the adult floor. Sometimes parents do really messed up things.

 

[Bees Are Awesome]

My mental health was nothing but a nuisance to my Mom. I don't know what my Dad thought, he didn't get involved. When I was a junior in high school I was suicidal and being admitted to the psych ward at the hospital. We had to go find a pay phone to call my Dad to let him know what was going on. As my mom starts to dial she said, "Are you sure this is necessary?" and started talking about how everyone would wonder where I was and what she was supposed to tell people, etc. Before my second hospitalization my Mom called me to come to her office after school. She was angry because the school had called her about all of the cuts on my arm. "Now the whole school knows! What are people going to think?"

Sigh.

I'm sorry you had to go through the neglect and abuse. No child should be abused or shamed because they are ill. Quite the opposite.

Actually, I think the parents are the sick ones.

 

[Mammo]

No similar experiences, but yes of course it is neglect. you were cutting yourself and you just attempted s...

Hi Lizio,
The conversation was in response to the attempt, (I only saw the psychologist because the hospital was making us) - the cutting she wasn't that bothered about, it had been happening for 2 years already.
Thank you for responding.

 

[Mammo]

it is usually a good indicator that they feel the need to hide something out of fear or guilt.

hi Fadeaway,
Thank you for responding. in the course of the "chat" my mum and I were having, it included a laundry list of all the things that we would lose if I spoke...e.g. if you say anything then Social Services will take you away and then none of us:
- will have a nice big house to live in
- you won't go to expensive private schools
- you won't have nice clothes to wear
- you won't get to go on nice holidays around the world.
I agree she seemed to have fear, but it sounded like it was fear of all the "stuff" we would lose, because my father's career would be ruined.

 

[Mammo]

The first time I cut my wrist I was 11. My mom put a bandaid on it and told me I was going to be fine. When...

Hi Lolo,
Thank you for sharing your experience - I'm really sorry about that, that sounds awful.
Yeah, my mum's reaction to seeing my wrist was "I know exactly what you've been doing. We'll talk about that later." (we were in a restaurant). But she never spoke to me about it, (which was fine by me, I was mortified!) until we were in the carpark after attempting 2 years later.

I think maybe it just freaked her out so much that, she just ignored it because she didn't know what to say...?

 

[Mammo]

My mental health was nothing but a nuisance to my Mom. I don't know what my Dad thought, he didn't g...

omg @Unraveling1 - it almost sounds like you've met my Mum with some of those comments.
It's the preoccupation with what other people will think...made me even more ashamed, because they clearly were.

Looking back now, (twenty years later) what's frustrating is that I was able to lie apparently so well...that it was so easy for a fifteen year old kid to lie to nurses and doctors and a psychologist.

After attempt #2 (7 years later) - i was living overseas, and going home for christmas. family friend told me i had to tell my mum, but that she wouldn't say anything herself about what I had done.
As soon as I landed back home, I called my parents' house, only to be told, "[family friend] spoke to me. I know exactly what you've done."
It's the tone of anger in her voice - is that shock? The way I thought about it, was that she seemed angry, because she was in shock, because really she does care, but doesn't know how to express it....?