Programs

[sun seeker]

any ideas are greatly appreciated

I'm not sure. I haven't integrated the concept (training while not triggered) very well myself yet.

The ideas occurring to me off the top of my head would take some work (which is fine) and tweaking to make them fit for you. I'm thinking.

 

[shimmerz]

But they were infant life-death responses related to current triggers. I found a way out through accessing sound and doing something internal with it

I would love to hear more about this Chava. I do sync my pulse to my breathing 5 pulse/1 inhale / 1 hold/ 1 exhale, but i am unable, it seems to have any type of awareness of my body during these times. It truly feels like a 1 year old attempting to escape - so those are the confines I am working with it seems.

Whatever it is, for now I need to be assisted by an 'adult'. Like.... a REAL adult.

 

[joeylittle]

This begs the question, what do you do when you can't think? When you are so flooded by a trigger that the ability to reason is negligible?

This is why you focus on really solid grounding skills first - basically, so that the majority of the time (even if that's just 60%), you can get yourself back from the trigger event, regain the ability to think, and then try and roll those thoughts down a different path.

Because you are right - when the trigger wins, there's really nothing to do but get back to the here and now as fast and as safely as possible.

 

[joeylittle]

Compulsion is not a strong enough word I don't think. Please note. Not suicidal. Can't relate at all unless I am in this mode. And it hits like a freight train. Fast.

This makes sense to me. What comes to mind are a few approaches

• You're familiar enough with the feeling, so when it hits pay attention to what the moment before was. Essentially, you're looking to uncover what is probably an internal/emotional trigger of some kind. You need to know what that exact thought is that causes the response.
• You know enough to know that the impulse is to run, hide. Can you put your mind very firmly towards, the next time it happens, just sit down. Wherever you are, just sit down. It might sound kind of silly, but it would break the reaction event and likely give you more space to observe what's happening to you.

I think you understand your story enough to have an idea about why the impulse is there - but what I think perhaps you haven't really captured is the exact thought that causes it, and then before that, what sets off the thought.

It's going to get incredibly uncomfortable, that's the other thing to be mentally prepared for. Everything feels so squishy inside (I find) when very strong impulses are being re-directed. But as you know, from your other experiences with neuroplasticity, it does get easier.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

This is a really interesting statement to me @Chava, thank you. I hadn't thought of...

So, you have a fixation on death, then. Maybe even a death wish. I believe that you wish to decide and control how you leave this earth, not fall victim to a random event.

 

[Eleanor]

This is a wild guess .... might neurofeedback/biofeedback be a way "in?" My idea is this - that since this is an habituated response - can a counter-respose be habituated? Specifically - can you activate that state/program on purpose? Is it all or nothing? If it is NOT all or nothing you could try to activate it just a little and then consciously put yourself in a better state over and over (thus training your nervous system in a new path.) If it is ALL you might need the help of someone who does neurofeedback or maybe just biofeedback to coach you through moving your responses in a different direction. I have a friend who "cured" her stress induced migraines this way - she learned a comprehensive relaxation response. It was SO ingrained that when she went into labor it was a problem because when it came time to push, instead of pushing she relaxed... and had to consciously overcome that habit... So yes, you might need the help of another adult human being, and some equipment as well.

 

[Chava]

need to run (it is more like stumble in a daze), to a place that nobody will find me and become 'nothing'

I felt something similar later in childhood and did run away to become nothing, where nobody knew me. The language you use reminds me of flight but also freeze responses sort of tied together (which feels very awkward and stuck in my body in some ways). "Nothing" and "disappear" sound freeze-like. Not sure if that's what it is or not. I know I felt invisible and non-existent often, but also wanted to feel invisible or disappear at times, and in a way I figured out how to do that. I shutdown large portions of myself.

 

[Ronin]

This begs the question, what do you do when you can't think?

You do the best you can with what you have, not decide in areas that'd be complicating the matters more, decide about simpler things, and do as much self care as the situation allows to get grounded & restart your thinking.

Or: You think in the scope you can, sift through all the rest you can't filter, not focus on it; focus on something else you can address even with compromised reasoning.

 

[Ronin]

Can't relate at all unless I am in this mode. And it hits like a freight train. Fast.

(With the rest, relating / roger that)

Thing is, you slow the train.

You need to find what is slowing for you, or find comfort at the high pace / peak of the pace and let it fade, either way, depends how much adrenaline junkie you are; you could both speed it up and enjoy the ride and gain control from that, or deescalate it and slow down and pause at speeds you're used to rather well, but find what changes the speed and with what direction first.

Change the motion before you can address what's behind it / causing the move itself.

 

[Tinyflame]

Change the motion before you can address what's behind it / causing the move itself.

@Cashew could I ask, does this not contradict the advice above (I think , re: eg, if you feel like fleeing to sit? Also, if you go the other route but one's mind is in a one-track direction, how do you change or affect the mind's direction if you can't 'think' well? (Hope that makes sense.)

Thank you. :hug:

 

[Ronin]

@Cashew could I ask, does this not contradict the advice above

It does, though I am acknowledging even where it would be better to sit it out and start from what's comprehensible? If one's already spinning sitting on it and figuring things out slowly may not be doable, from the momentum, so let's start when one is mentally any given moment.

Your other question does make sense to me, I just need to think on it because it's not how I think personally; I'm multitrack as whoah and used to respond from that standpoint :p By small bits though, I'd be inclined to say. Or by delaying; you can be one track, but you still don't have to arrive to X action in Y time, the time is something that's very up to you (and in situations you just don't have the time? Work for gaining it. Distract who's keeping you; that itself would change tracks enough for a time. ;) Changing the focus to a different person, or aspects of a person, with self or others.)

 

[Friday]

Change the motion before you can address what's behind it / causing the move

I do this all the time. Doing the opposite.

I want to shout, I stay silent.
I want to fight, I still my body.
I want to lay down & sleep, I shake myself like a dog and move.
I want to keep moving, I lay myself down & sleep.
I want to run, I stay.
I want to stay, I run.
I want to stay silent, I shout.

There are many, many, many times when listening to my instincts is the exact right thing to do. Shout, fight, sleep, run. They are true and right. But there are also many times when they are the exact wrong thing to do. It just feels... Different. Can't quite explain the difference, but it's there. Perhaps a foggyness of purpose? Maybe better... That I cannot address what is behind them. Meanwhile, when the instinct is true and right, I can. They make sense.

My belief: Listening to my instincts is very different from being a slave to them.

For me... It takes doing the opposite, gaining distance, to allow me to address what is behind the impulse in the first place.