Not Sure Where To Post. I Am Restricting My Fluids Because I'm Terrified Of Going To The Toilet Help

[joeylittle]

@super_saiyan, I went through something not identical, but strangely similar, many years ago. Mine was not nearly as dangerous as yours.

Spoiler: Putting my little story behind a spoiler because you don't need to read it, it's my own vaginal problem, but you should read it if you want to not feel so alone.

I was convinced that I was just rank. That this foul, hideous smell was coming from my vagina, all the time. And I had scars, I thought they were always oozing, it was just - I really had strong negative visualization. The habit I got into was douching three or four times a day. I started with just the over-the-counter brands, but then I moved to using my own mixture that included some disinfecting chemicals, and didn't stop even when the ratio was strong enough to give me chemical burns. I didn't want to think about what was happening. I just knew I wasn't clean.

There was never a time when it was comfortable or easy to change my behavior. It felt like forcing myself to sit in my own stench all day long. But eventually, I stopped smelling what I am sure was an imaginary odor.

Your scars are real, and your desire to wish away your genitalia is real, but also your body needs liquid - that's real. I'd say, try for a week - just commit to a week - where you will wear a pad, and after you urinate, you can just stand up, pull your underwear back up, let the pad take care of it, and just strike that pad at the next bathroom break and put a new one in. Or, because you might not even need that much support, you could stack liners, one on top of another, and just keep peeling the top one off.

If actually drinking liquids is part of the problem, eat water-heavy fruits and veg - watermelon, celery, cucumber - or if you like juices, indulge in some of those.

I don't know if this will help at all, but I hope it might give you some ideas.

 

[void]

@super_saiyan, I went through something not identical, but strangely similar, many...

Agreed.
@super_saiyan

Will you consider joeylittle's and my suggestion to utilize an incontinent product??

 

[super_saiyan]

I still haven't managed to increase. I'm stuck at 500ml. I wouldn't wear pads really. I cope with the shower by not drying myself, just sitting in a towel till dry.

 

[Friday]

. I cope with the shower by not drying myself, just sitting in a towel till dry.

There you have it. A working solution you already use. Use the toilet, close the lid, sit on paper towels.

 

[Friday]

On further reflection... I wonder if not drinking is more complex at this point (or from go) than not wanting to wipe/touch yourself? There are a lot of ways around having to wipe.

Not that you need to answer any of these. Just to think about:

- How are you with food, brushing your teeth, oral sex, chewing gum, blowing bubbles, singing, talking, smoking, breathing through your mouth, mouthwash, &/or other oral or swallowing activities?

- How are you with other groin area movement? (Keigles, sitting, crossing your legs, bowel movements, sitting in vibration -cars, scooters, motorcycles, bikes-, etc.).

- Any nerve or soft tissue damage vaginally or orally?

Again... Not asking you to answer anything here. You'd be welcome to, we talk about anything and everything on here, but only as we please. These q's just came to mind, as in my own life I've found that if I'm misattributing cause & effect, it can take me a helluva lot longer to sort out a work-around.

 

[super_saiyan]

I am actually so worried about increasing my fluids that its making it worse. I increased by 50mls last week and I stopped going to the toilet, only letting myself go my normal once a day in the morning. I know its necessary but its so hard, I really don't think I can do it. I'm so scared of relinquishing control over when I go to the toilet...

I will answer those questions with thought and reply very soon, tonight. Thank you all so much for the replies, they are much appreciated.

 

[void]

@super_saiyan

Could there be an OCD aspect to your situation?

The degree of your focus and the 'cannot violate the rule/pattern' vibe guide my mind to wonder.

Some people with OCD develop a set of allowed or disallowed behaviors(or words or the order of actions or even movement itself) and their obsession on compliance with those restrictions can be extreme. Just a thought.

I have never encountered your particular situation and was giving some thought to it.

I know the suffering you are experiencing with this issue is very intense, I feel empathy toward you.

Don't fault yourself for not being able to overcome this easily, some internal pain is complex and requires a great deal of insight to overcome.

safe cyber:hug: to you.

I believe you can free yourself from this.

 

[Ronin]

I'm so scared of relinquishing control over when I go to the toilet...

So it's control, in a very specific area of your life, that's a deeper issue there? Not the actual activity & associations with it, as underlying different issue? If so, can you recall a time in your life you didn't have to think about things so much & they weren't as stressful about this, what was different then // can something of that time be brought back?

 

[Rumors]

So is there any part of you that understands this is a life and death matter? I am guessing since you are drinking 500ml that you are at least trying to do enough to live??? What if you left on your underwear and cut a hole in the bottom? You said you didn't want to see the scars. This way you can't see them.
I am certainly not trying to sound like I am not sympathetic, however you can't keep coming back with the answer that it won't work. You really are going to have to try something or possibly face a serious illness that could kill you. Shutting your kidney function down messes with your electrolytes and could possibly lead to dangerous levels of Potasium and such. It's time...

 

[The Albatross]

An average intake is 1500 cc's (60 cc's being about an ounce). You are doing damage if you are of average adult age and are restricting. Look up the symptoms of chronic dehydration. They aren't too great (been there).

Not necessarily with conscious restriction... but had to get a stage 3 chronic kidney disease diagnosis reversed. No par-TAY. Don't recommend it and am glad you're posting. I am now not even stage one.

 

[The Albatross]

P.S. I am on antihistamines for allergies so guess what I do 2000 to 2200 cc's. I feel like a fish but I do it anyways cuz I'm beating the shit out of my diagnosis.

 

[super_saiyan]

On further reflection... I wonder if not drinking is more complex at this point (or from go) than no...

I am obsessive about oral hygeine. I have to brush my teeth minimum of 7 times a day, chew gum a lot. I wouldn't have oral sex with a man, but I am ok with a woman. I breathe through both my mouth and nose. I guess there's a lot of overlap between things because these can be quite triggering sometimes.

The second one I dont know. It can catch me, but I cannot sit without crossing my legs. I drive so I guess moving vibrations are OK but can catch me and trigger me.

Third question - yes, I do have some soft tissue damage, but I dont want to go into any more graphic detail at this point.

Thank you for trying to help me.