Survivor Vs. Victim

[Theresa1122]

Some days I feel like a survivor - strong because I've made it this far. Getting psychological help, being on here and talking to others, having surgery for physical help with pain, etc.

Some days I feel like a victim - I don't feel strong, I feel victimized and violated. I feel weak, helpless, useless, worthless, etc.

I've tried to concentrate on both days and see the differences in circumstances. I think when I have a hard time sleeping or when I'm in physical pain, I feel more like a victim than a survivor. I've been having a hard time sleeping since my surgery 3-1/2 weeks ago, I had to have my daughter come to my home to help clean, there's a lot around here that I can't do because of surgical pain and doctor's restrictions. I have been, since the surgery, been going in and out of my "dark place" in my head.

Does this happen to anyone else? I'm just not feeling strong. I feel like a burden on everyone around me because there's so much I can't do for myself. I'm down and trying to find a way to dig myself out of this hole.

I'm kind of new here, so please invite anyone you want to this conversation. The more input, the better is what I think I need right now. Thanks, Everyone.

 

[watundah]

I think this sounds about right. Three steps forward, one back. Recovery and healing are gradual processes and I think it's impossible to not get dragged down once in a while no matter what your progress has been. We still have memories - conscious, unconscious, body - and triggers lurking to pop out like cardboard villains.

Also surgery introduces new dyamics of a different recovery, healing, finding strength.

Remember to be patient and kind to you and remind yourself of your gains since you've begun your journey. You are definitely on the right path here.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

Some days I feel like I can take on the world and do anything! Then there are days when I feel weak and bogged down. For me, it could be I'm feeling overwhelmed with my healing process. I'm really trying to not be hard on myself for the not-so-good days and try to look at the overall process I've made on my journey. It helps me when I look at how far I've come. You're not alone in this. :)

 

[Theresa1122]

Thank you so much for your replies. It's nice just to know that I'm not alone. :-)

 

[Tinyflame]

Does this happen to anyone else? I'm just not feeling strong. I feel like a burden on everyone around me.. I'm down and trying to find a way to dig myself out of this hole.

Yes, often. Just not feeling as a 'victim' just the consequences/ end result.

Welcome to you. :hug:

 

[InvisibleSun]

I struggle with this as well. I have great days where I feel strong, vibrant, and alive..but then others where I feel weak, numb, and dead. It's a constant war within the mind. But as the healing process continues, you'll see more of the good days and less of those dark places within the mind. The journey is overwhelming, but not impossible..and you are far from alone in this fight. Never forget that..

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[Natanela]

I thought I was alone....
there's so much pressure to be normal that I almost convinced myself that there isn't other people dealing with this. And the loneliness is the worst crippling thing being in this....

I feel more a victim than a survivor :\
I don't have anyone to talk to, I'm not in therapy, no help whatsoever.....

So yeah, you're not alone. I wish I knew how to feel more a survivor over a victim. Everytime I feel I'm not in control and a victim, I snap my fingers and say, "You are NOT a victim, you lead your life, YOU ARE your life". I still haven't found a way to empower the survivor feel...I can think it but I haven't felt it....

 

[Kintsugi]

I have never identified with the term "survivor." I have always called myself a "victim" of childhood sexual abuse, a rape victim, a victim of abuse, etc. Especially as concerns my early childhood abuse, I was victimized, and though my body survived, much of me did not.

 

[Weemie]

I don't think there's a difference. People say things like "survivors are strong" and "victims are weak" but it's all bullshit. How we react to our trauma, how we respond to being traumatized, is highly unique and everyone can take away strength and weakness from it. So what, you turned to drugs and alcohol, you take risks and stagnate? Like none of us have been there before and that makes us weak, pathetic, unworthy? f*ck that, that dichotomy is just another tool of oppression.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I feel this way so much. When things get bad, I try to recognize and convince myself that they will get better - there are periods of difficulty, followed by periods where I feel stronger. Recognizing the ebb and flow has helped over the years. It will get better.

 

[I_Am_Titanium]

For me, reading the book "What Doesn't Kill Us" by Stephen Joseph has really helped me. It's about post traumatic growth. Has anyone else read it? My therapist recommended it to me and I highly recommend it.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Theresa1122 After surgery, having had the anesthesia can cause one to have mental effects which can take some time to recover from (like even up to 6 months) one friend told me. People can feel out of sorts or more forgetful or just not quite themselves. Go easy on yourself, give yourself time to heal.