Had A Therapy Session...feeling Like I Was Doing Better Before.

[Dana1010]

I had a session with a new therapist today after being out on my own for a while. A little uncomfortable. Her hairstyle and dress were very, uh, career womanish, which I felt was maybe inappropriate for a therapist. Think the mother from American Beauty. Maybe it's just me, but I feel judged by people with that image for some reason. I digress. It wasn't an immediate click, but she was better than the last two I consulted with, so I committed to another session with her.

The thing is I've been feeling pretty good for the last couple weeks, and the session sort of ruined it. I've been in a groove, a routine of rising earlier, working, self care, solitary pursuits, walks in the evening, and meditation. In general, I've felt more stable and peaceful than I have in a while. Of course there are moments when I see or hear something that triggers me and some horrible memory comes up, and I think, "I really need to process this. I should get back in therapy."

I came home from the session exhausted and fell asleep, then woke up feeling terrified and alone. I remember this from the last round of therapy--the coming home worn out, falling asleep, waking up to some vivid bad memory and terror. I'm missing the relative peace I'd been enjoying and wondering if I'm making the right decision going back into therapy. Thoughts?

 

[Chava]

Do you have specific goals for therapy? And are they worth some discomfort? I guess that's what would stick out for me. When I went into therapy this last time I was really struggling and had some goals that I wasn't even sure were achievable, but like the therapist I found might at least be worth giving it a shot.

 

[Dana1010]

Do you have specific goals for therapy?

Well, Like I said, there are still triggers that I'd like to work on so I don't have my whole day ruined because I couldn't shut off an advertisement in time. And I have convulsions when I relax. I don't know what I'd say if someone saw me do it in public. Tourette syndrome? I'd like to figure out what's causing them and how to stop them. No one has been able to pinpoint it yet.

 

[NarcSis]

Considering that you've been through therapy previously, you know what to expect from it and I think we all know that it's no cake walk. I'd say it's common to have doubts, especially when we have achieved a comfort zone, but just keep reminding yourself that no one made you go back to therapy, you felt you needed to continue. As my therapist used to say when we'd scale back on exposure therapy, "Only you can know when it's the right time to try pushing forward again."

It will impact your established routines but that just means you get practice adjusting and adapting your routines.

Best of luck. Hugs.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

The best therapists are humbly clothed, and drive cars like a late 90's Ford Taurus. The ego/money driven ones with the power suits and the uber expensive eurocars? Avoid them like the plague. I speak from experience.

 

[Dana1010]

Avoid them like the plague.

Why? Have you noticed patterns of specific behaviors? I just feel awkward taking my mask off around someone who's clearly wearing a mask herself.

 

[Friday]

The ego/money driven ones with the power suits and the uber expensive eurocars? Avoid them like the plague. I speak from experience.

LMAO... One of my favorite therapists of all time essentially drove an F-14 Tomcat! Actually he did used to be a fighter pilot. Kinda panther-like, gorgeous handmade suits, a car worth more than my house, with ego to spare. I think I already said he was a pilot, though :p His drive to be the best? Put him damn close. He was a helluva psychologist. Of course, the bastard is attached to hostage negotiation & counseling UN type people half a world away... But if I could see him regularly? Would in a heartbeat. Fantastic man. Solid, incredibly good people. Had a way of simply cutting through bullshit and making things crystal clear, manageable, and doable.

@Dana1010 We all wear masks, it's what is behind the mask that counts.

 

[Dana1010]

We all wear masks, it's what is behind the mask that counts.

I didn't feel that my last therapist was wearing a mask. This is the first therapist I've seen who strikes me as artificial. I don't care how she chooses to present herself outside of work, but therapy is all about getting real, so I think therapists should do their best to bring their most authentic self to the session.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think if someone isn't real it would be very uncomfortable. I personally just like people to be themselves, however their selves may be. And hopefully kind/ honest.

late 90's Ford Taurus

This is too funny. Sounds like that T is both down to Earth ( :tup: ) & a bit of a trill seeker, because I'd worry his car wouldn't be too reliable! :eek:

Actually, I think if they appear more worried about how they're viewed I'd feel at a loss, because I don't have the energies for defenses or much self-worth. I appreciate beauty but I'm personally not driven by it, so I'd wonder if they could understand.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oops, can't edit. I've personally had friends with gorgeous luxury vehicles, & they were nice people. I do know however the best Dr I ever met (world-wide reputation, highest transplant success rate for his field), was an absolute doll, an angel on Earth. He was very humble, drove a small car, lived in an upper middle class neighborhood outside of the typical Dr's neighborhood, & frequently wore the same clothes. He would say, "the least you could have done was go home & change your shirt!" ;) when we'd see him the next day in the hospital in the same (quite ghastly, lol) purple sweater, & we'd all have a good laugh. Even gave his home phone number, would do things like go to the pharmacy for us/ my mom. He did have a way different motivation. He was so focused he didn't even realize I was in the room when we met til the end, & his face went so sweet. He was so sweet to my mom. We were 'similar people'/ hearts. I can honestly say I'll love him until I die. He was the only bright spot. If any T is like that they'd be the best ever, I think.

 

[Dana1010]

I think if someone isn't real it would be very uncomfortable.

I mean I can't go as far as saying she wasn't real at this point--it's just a first impression. I just felt like it had become too much of a job, a career, a skill for her, and the human relationship aspect had been minimized. On the other end, you have therapists who offer a shoulder to cry on and not much else, no analytics, no way to measure progress. I just don't like this Miss Perfect image in front of me when I'm going into the most vulnerable, humiliating, mortifying moments of my life.

 

[Tinyflame]

just don't like this Miss Perfect image in front of me when I'm going into the most vulnerable, humiliating, mortifying moments of my life.

I get what you mean. In the end though, I think it's something 'different' that helps one open up or not. A sense of sincerity, or the components of the impression that give one a sense of what the other person is about, & how they are at that moment. What is genuine, what feels not, etc. (More so than exterior appearance, such as peoples' eyes & such.) (Just to me.)