Thought I was doing better

[Friday]

I’m off work which is good but also bad. I don’t feel like I have any sense of purpose without work

I get pretty damn suicidal when I’m feeling useless.

IF you’re up to it?

Learn a new language.
Or sport.
Or an instrument.
Or, or, or.

Something to give your day passion & purpose.

Seeeeeeriously.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I guess at least I am not at home alone.

This is why I said that. To keep you safe. I really hope they can help in some way.

 

[Ecdysis]

If you feel uttterly lost and confused about what to do, I find it helpful to ask myself "What would I tell a good friend to do if they were in the same situation?"

Often our advice to our friends is much smarter than the advice we give ourselves when we're depressed or in crisis.

 

[whenwillthisend]

Still at the ER, sounds like they are getting ready to discharge me right back into the toxic home environment I left. Lots of sadness, negativity and just not knowing what to do .

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Guilt, guilt, guilt…I feel guilty for wanting my life to be over. I have no plans to end my life, nor would I EVER do anything to cause that.

I would never pass on my sorrows to the people I would leave behind. I cannot do that.

But the stupid thoughts are chasing me. I feel guilty for my mom having to put up with my morose mood. By nature, I'm a pretty cheerful person and I hate this part of me.

I am NOT supposed to feel this way!

 

[Whenwillthisend]

Guilt, guilt, guilt…I feel guilty for wanting my life to be over. I have no plans to end my life, nor would I EVER do anything to cause that.

I would never pass on my sorrows to the people I would leave behind. I cannot do that.

But the stupid thoughts are chasing me. I feel guilty for my mom having to put up with my morose mood. By nature, I'm a pretty cheerful person and I hate this part of me.

I am NOT supposed to feel this way!

I would never want to pass on my sorrows either, atleast that’s what I can say on good days. In my bad times , that line becomes fuzzy and I can convince myself that those closest to me are better off with out my sadness , anger, and anxiety.

After my stay in the Er , I am afraid to spend too much time alone. Afraid that during alone times I will slip into another low point and end my life for real this time. Don’t know what everyone else’s experience has been , and not sure when this feeling will go away ?