Relationship I Need Some Advice

[Relationship Help]

I dated this guy for around a year. He was the most loving/generous/kindhearted man I've ever met. Our first few months of dating were surreal. After dating for a few months his parents kicked him out (he was living with them because his daughter lives there). I had just lost my roommate so he moved in. Almost instantly he acted differently. He said that I made him feel obligated to do things (like watch movies together). Before he lived there he couldn't get enough of me! I had to tell him to leave, when I wanted to go to bed etc. Knowing that he was in multiple wars, I gave him plenty of space. I know people with PTSD need this. He still acted like I was annoying and bothersome. He wouldn't even take me to my Uncle's funeral. He didn't think you should have to do things like that in a relationship. So, while we were living together, we took a break to reset our relationship. I know he probably has some issues with commitment anyway because he has been divorced twice.

Just to just recently. He moved out, but we were just recently talking about still living together (financially it makes sense). He even gave me a key to his house. I sent him a couple of texts about a week ago because he was going to come to my house last weekend. He never responded. I know that he leaves his phone places, so when he signed on to xbox the following day I said "hey why haven't you responded to my texts?" He said that it was because three people were texting him while he was trying to play a game. He then signed off. I freaked out and texted him "I'm really sorry for bothering you. I'll wait for you to get in touch with me before we talk. Have fun with your game." I didn't get anything for two days. I texted asking if he was made at me. Not until I asked if he wanted his key back did he respond with a "sure, mail it to ..." I asked again why he was mad at me. He said he wasn't going to tell me. He said he would call me the next day. I waited til around the next day in the afternoon before I asked when he was going to call, and I wish he'd tell me something. I told him how much he mattered to me, and if he needed anything I was always here. He texted me back a nasty message stating that I couldn't even leave it alone for one day, so he wasn't going to tell me anything. He has deleted me from xbox. This was a week ago...he still won't respond to anything. My heart is broken. I still cry every day. I've been through a divorce, but this hurts more because he used to treat me so dearly. I just wish I knew what to do...

 

[Sweetpea76]

Knowing that he was in multiple wars, I gave him plenty of space. I know people with PTSD need this

You need to take your own advice. Some sufferers use isolation as a coping method when they become overwhelmed. Constantly contacting them when they do not want to talk is just going to stress them more.

I'd leave him alone and not contact him at all. He may or may not contact you when he feels better... but right now it sounds like he doesn't want to talk to anybody.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I'm so sorry you're in pain. It must be very hard to be pushed away by someone you love.
Yes, people with PTSD tend to isolate and push people away (I know I do). However, that is no excuse to be nasty and mean. PTSD affects a lot of things, we can get very depressed and anxious and even lose touch with reality when we're having a flashback or panic attack. However, it does not affect our ability to speak. It is easier to push people away by not responding or being a jerk, but you deserve better than that. If he needs space, he should man up and tell you.

You seem like a genuinely kind and caring person. I know it's hard to let go of someone you care about so deeply, but you have done everything you can. If he's struggling, that's ok. But he has no right to drag you down with him.
I'd let him be. The ball's in his court now.

:hug:s

 

[Yunie]

You need to take your own advice. Some sufferers use isolation as a coping method when they become ov...

He did just recently start talking to his daughter again, so I can at least be thankful that is has someone right now. You're right I do need to leave him alone. It is really hard, though. We've been through so much together. I hope he contacts me, at some point...but I really don't know if he will.

 

[Yunie]

I'm so sorry you're in pain. It must be very hard to be pushed away by someone you love.
Yes, people w...

Thank you so much. It does help me to know, that I've done everything I possibly can....I do think it would be easier if he just gave me something. My friends have told me that he really probably doesn't have a reason to be mad, which is why he refuses to even talk to me on the phone or text. I want him to be happy, and it's going to be hard for me to cope. He meant a lot to me....and I really don't know if he'll ever try to contact me again.