Supporter Husband Has Ptsd

[Glang1979]

Hi. My husband was carjacked at gunpoint approximately 2 years ago. I have watched him go from an outgoing, confident man to someone who is a total mess. No self confidence, unable to concentrate, poor memory, awakens multiple times at night in a panic and anxiety is his constant companion. Has had rapid eye movement therapy, counseling and is currently under the care of the Mayo Clinic psych department.
Was a manager at a medical device company with 12 reports and an excellent salary. Now works for an insurance company answering phones.
Insurance company promoted him back in March for a new position that has 6 months training. Due to the PTSD he has been unable to deal with the high stress of learning all new job responsibilities as well as unable to remember anything when he is tested. Breaks my heart to see him break down in tears because he cannot understand what has happened to his "old" self. Now this huge national insurance company is starting the paperwork to fire him for inability to learn the new job duties. They will not let him transfer back to his previous position that he could handle just fine. We are in our late 50's and I am unable to work due to fibromyalgia and need medical care every 3 months. Terrified of losing medical insurance. Does my husband have any rights to protect his employment? They are aware of the PTSD so I am thinking they should let him go back to his previous position. Should he contact HR with his medical info and a statement from his psych Dr?
I don't know if he will be able to deal with another setback because he already feels like a failure. Thank you for this forum.

 

[Sweetpea76]

It couldn't hurt to try. I'm pretty sure the ADA covers PTSD, and if his employer already knows he has the disability, they have to make "reasonable accommodations" for him. I'm not sure how it works if the employee is unable to do the job he was hired for though (or promoted to)... they may be able to get him there. They don't have to hire disabled people unless they are qualified to do the job, so if he is no longer considered qualified, it may change the game. Also, most states are "at will" so employers have the right to fire employees as long as it isn't discrimination or retaliation for specific things.

However, if worse comes to worst and he does end up losing his job, he may qualify for disability because of his PTSD.

 

[deer_in_headlights]

Welcome to the forum!

I'm so sorry you and your husband are in such difficult circumstances. I hope you both will stay and post.
This is a wonderful place, with many caring and knowledgeable people.

I can't answer your specific job questions (there will be others who can), as I am unable to manage in the workplace. The threat of no income is a very frightening prospect, and my heart is with you both.

A friend of mine, who was unable to continue in his former job due to PTSD-related difficulties has been helped tremendously by a wonderful trauma therapist, and his Dr.. HR, once supplied with documentation from his therapist and physician, was able to give him full pay for a generous and an extended period, plus put him on a program that continues to provide full pay, while he seeks better job opportunities.

His therapist is helping him find funding and a good job, that won't be overwhelming, but would be well-suited for him.

I hope your husband is actively working with his trauma therapist around this issue. He needs good support to help him manage his symptoms; and have help with getting compensation, guidance in getting his former position back, or finding something that he would be happier in doing. His connection with the Mayo Clinic, and their resources and expertise, should be a great asset for you both.

My friend was terrified, originally, but is optimistic now. He doesn't have to worry so much about the financial stress and fears he was being crushed by. The trauma therapist has been crucial to his navigating the job-maze and getting good compensation.

I hope your husband will feel free to post here. Many of us have experienced violence, and we are here to help each other and family members, cope with the myriad symptoms and struggles.

We treasure Supporters, like you, and know you experience great stresses and fears. You have a community of Supporters and Sufferers who want to see you succeed and thrive in these challenges you're facing.

I'm so sorry you have Fibromyalgia! I don't want to see this stress, fear and worry worsen your own medical issues. You need support, and we are here... We care, very much.
Welcome home,
Deer

 

[intothelight]

@Glang1979. Welcome!

 

[Ivan the Elder]

Welcome here. This is the place to find help.
I have PTSD but that is not what I am going to speak about. I had an excellent job for 23 years. I finally had to quit in 1998 because of serious medical problems. Nobody was able to diagnose what was wrong so I wasn't able to qualify for long term disability with the multinational company I worked for. For the same reason I wasn't able to qualify for the Canadian federal disability plan which can start at any age if you have enough work years, which I certainly did. We were faced with a huge drop in income and there was no chance that I would be able to find employment. My problems at the time included falling asleep in the afternoon, frequently without warning and general pain, especially in my upper body, neck, shoulders, arms back and hips. I couldn't stand to drive as much as I did in the past and because of the chance of falling asleep there wasn't much chance of being able to hold down even a sedentary job.

My wife worked but her pay was only a third of what I was making. We had no idea what to do or how we were going to meet expenses.

It wasn't until 2005 that I was finally diagnosed with severe fibromyalgia. Back in 1998 men just didn't get that condition, as far as the medical profession was concerned. But that isn't what I need to tell you. We did have some retirement savings that I could draw on. Amazingly, with such a huge drop in our income we were able to get by. It was a matter of budgeting very carefully and finding all those things that we usually spent money on but really didn't need. I have not had a paying job since then yet we were able to stay in the same house and afford the basics without going bankrupt or having to greatly change anything about our life style that really mattered. It is amazing how much money you can save by just not going out for meals and simply preparing your own most of the time.

Times have changed a lot since then and my wife of 44 years suddenly left me earlier this year but that isn't the story. The story is that you will most likely find that if your husband is able to find any work at all it will very likely be enough to get by. It may not seem like it at the moment but it is amazing just how much money you spend when you have a very good income. It is very possible to get by and still live well in the ways that really matter with a much smaller income. It takes careful budget planning but that is something that I am good at and still do, even without my wife and even with severe ptsd and fibromyalgia.

Obviously I know nothing about your financial situation but what I am trying to say is that you may very likely be able to get by on a lot less income than you think and without having to give up those things in life that really matter. Also, your husband is so very lucky to have you to help him in his time of need. It is so much harder for me to deal with PTSD without my wife. Your husband is a very lucky man.

 

[Glang1979]

Welcome here. This is the place to find help.
I have PTSD but that is not what I am going to speak about. I...

Thanks, I totally emphasize with your fibromyalgia and do believe the theorey that severe prolonged stress is a precursor to the disease. You are right, we can get by on a lot less money but our biggest fear is health insurance. It is very expensive to buy privately and I need both knees replaced. No one ever promised life would be easy. Mostly my heart breaks to see my husband suffer through this, he is not the same man anymore.

 

[Ivan the Elder]

I wish I could give some help as far as medical coverage goes but it is very different here. While our is not "free" as so many people out of Canada think it also isn't expensive. It does however have its own problems such as having less than one tenth the MRI machines that we need compared to other first world countries. Some of our medical system "qualifies" in the third world category, if that. I am speaking as a person that spent 1.5 months in hospital this year.

I hope you can find a solution for the medical care expense. Just do everything you can to support him and that will be by far the best that anybody can do to help him deal with his PTSD. It is not curable but there is a lot that can be done to make it more bearable. For me just being able to interact with others here that have it and support those that have it is worth a lot to me. It helps. If at all possible you should encourage your husband to at least start reading here. That may help him quite a lot. It really matters to know that you are not alone.

Incidentally, you might just tell him that my primary reaction to my own PTSD is to break into tears, sometime for hours. He is not the only one.

 

[Milo's papa]

Hi. My husband was carjacked at gunpoint approximately 2 years ago. I have watched him go from an outg...

Glang1979, Welcome to the forum.
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your husband, I was robbed at gun point in a parking garage in the early 1990's and to this day I can't go into one. Panic attacks, hyperventilating, dizziness to the point of near unconsciousness.
I don't know what his rights might be regarding disability, (because that is exactly what he's dealing with) to do his new job functions. I do know that you can find out all the answers to those questions at your State Attorney General's office or your states Disability Services office. They deal with disability questions all the time.
I hope this helps a little.

 

[Glang1979]

Glang1979, Welcome to the forum.
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your husband, I was ro...

Thank you. I too am sorry that you have to deal with PTSD.