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Sexual Assault What Motivates Rapists
- Post starter Seagreen
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this is a guess, but an educated guess. The experts will tell you that rape is not about sex, but violence. I agree with that assessment, and with that, rape is about control and punishment.
The rapist wants to control their victim, and they, the rapist, perceives the act as just that; them controlling the helpless victim.
It is also an act of punishment born out of a "wrong" they have suffered at the hands of women, or a woman that has caused the rapist to hate women.
So to answer your question it is not that they want sex so badly that take take it, but rather they have such a need to control and punish women.
regardless of their motivation I personally think a guy who is guilty of involuntary rape* should be locked up and the key thrown away, and the rapist never seeing the light of day again.
*To qualify involuntary rape: This would not include a situation where a teen age boy over sixteen has consensual sex with his girlfriend who is under sixteen , and then he is charged with statutory rape.
An Addendum to this. You cannot understand the motivation of a rapist with logic. A rapist will rape a lady he does not know, because of the perceived injustice he suffered at the hands of a lady it does know. It could be something as simple as the girls never giving him the time of day when he was younger. It is hard to get into the mind of someone who will commit violent crimes against another, and a rational person will struggle to understand them
The rapist wants to control their victim, and they, the rapist, perceives the act as just that; them controlling the helpless victim.
It is also an act of punishment born out of a "wrong" they have suffered at the hands of women, or a woman that has caused the rapist to hate women.
So to answer your question it is not that they want sex so badly that take take it, but rather they have such a need to control and punish women.
regardless of their motivation I personally think a guy who is guilty of involuntary rape* should be locked up and the key thrown away, and the rapist never seeing the light of day again.
*To qualify involuntary rape: This would not include a situation where a teen age boy over sixteen has consensual sex with his girlfriend who is under sixteen , and then he is charged with statutory rape.
An Addendum to this. You cannot understand the motivation of a rapist with logic. A rapist will rape a lady he does not know, because of the perceived injustice he suffered at the hands of a lady it does know. It could be something as simple as the girls never giving him the time of day when he was younger. It is hard to get into the mind of someone who will commit violent crimes against another, and a rational person will struggle to understand them
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scout86
VIP Member
It probably depends on the rapist and the situation, I'm guessing. What @RussH said makes a lot of sense. But I suspect there's a difference between the classic, psycho serial rapist of movies and TV and the drunken college student who doesn't think the word "No" applies to him/her too. A certain lack of concern and respect for the victim surely has to be a part of all rape. Sometimes I'm sure there's an actual desire to hurt. Sometimes maybe it's just that they really don't get that the victim counts.
Do you suppose they have message boards for rapists, where one of us could drop by and ask?
Do you suppose they have message boards for rapists, where one of us could drop by and ask?
For my ex-husband, it was 100% all about punishment for a perceived wrong, or something he felt owed and didn't receive.
Although I think for child rapists it might be different. I think my uncle truly believed in his heart that his victims wanted it and he was somehow liberating them. He would tell me about this one girl who was 12 and how he believed she purposely wore tight shorts to get his attention but was afraid to admit she wanted it. The way he would talk, he would make himself out to be the hero who gave her something she wanted but was forbidden due to her age. He also believed sex with a child was completely harmless and innocent. I honestly believe he actually believed it.
Although I think for child rapists it might be different. I think my uncle truly believed in his heart that his victims wanted it and he was somehow liberating them. He would tell me about this one girl who was 12 and how he believed she purposely wore tight shorts to get his attention but was afraid to admit she wanted it. The way he would talk, he would make himself out to be the hero who gave her something she wanted but was forbidden due to her age. He also believed sex with a child was completely harmless and innocent. I honestly believe he actually believed it.
Truthful_Whispers
Not Active
They're sick bastards, who should be dragged out into the street and shot.
I personally think that anyone who molest, or rapes a child is a narcissist who may deceive themselves; but it is all about them, and not all all about the child.
Friday
Sponsor
Intentional rape is typically about power, not sex. That's the vaaaaaaaaaaast majority.
IMO, that includes baby-rapers. They don't have power in an adult consensual relationship, & they have to have power over their victims, so they turn to children. Even those who can get it up with someone of equal status? It's not fulfilling to them. Because it's not about the sex. It's about being in power, and being in control. So the sick f*cks seek out victims they do have power over. That is only my opinion, however.
In the teeny tiny minority are lots and lots of various possibilities. So it can start to look really skewed when you see a list of a couple dozen situations versus one. But it's like saying most dogs have fur, and then list off all the hairless breeds. Just because there is a list of dogs without fur? Doesn't mean that most dogs, or even a lot, don't have fur. The vast majority of dogs have fur. The vast majority of rapists are about power. So I'm actually gonna list out the vaaaaaaaaaaast majority here first.
I forget who said it :
"Rape is about anger and control and violence. Sex is merely the weapon."
***
Within that above group? There are a whole lot of different "types" of rapists. 4 main groups:
Power Reassurance - ("Gentleman Rapist", opportunity rapist).
Goal = to possess / own
((I call these ones low-self-esteem & poor-me-rapists. They need to be told you liked it, more often than not.))
Power Assertive - (Entitlement, Exploitative)
Goal = to possess / harm / capture-conquer-control
Anger Retaliatory - (Rage, Retaliation, Punishment)
Goal = Displaced anger. Often lethal.
Anger Excitation - (Sadistic)
Goal = Sexual gratification from victim's suffering. Very often lethal.
Then there are a whole lot of others, that are primarily group-based, not individual based:
Other - The goals here vary, as do methods & motivations... but whether it's a softening technique in torture & interrogation, or to humiliate one's enemies, or "breed them out" form of genocide, gang initiations, revenge (fictional example: when the girl with the dragon tattoo rapes her rapist) or a whole bunch of others / the list goes on... But they're still all about power.
***
Blargh. I don't have the energy to list out all the minority cases where rape is not the intent / power and normal rape-rules and motivations don't apply... but they include things like small children acting out their own rapes*, teens* & young adults* -especially when drunk- who have crap communication with their partner (both sexes, especially, in this group) both start out consensual, then one changes their mind and the other doesn't listen. Freeze response, one partner doesn't want to but gives no indication so their partner has no idea. Forced rape ((I've been a part of that, blokes had no choice, I don't blame them. Correction. I don't blame all of them.)). Certain kinds of sex trafficking. Etc. Again. The above is just a partial list where rape / sexual assault happened, but it wasn't the intent.
* This by no means says that all of these examples rape was not the intent. There is a point at which a victim becomes an abuser (where that point is varies), and all 4 groups of serial rapists start somewhere... Often as adolescents. It's part of what makes child on child so damnably murky. Because for some there is no intent. And for some, there is.
IMO, that includes baby-rapers. They don't have power in an adult consensual relationship, & they have to have power over their victims, so they turn to children. Even those who can get it up with someone of equal status? It's not fulfilling to them. Because it's not about the sex. It's about being in power, and being in control. So the sick f*cks seek out victims they do have power over. That is only my opinion, however.
In the teeny tiny minority are lots and lots of various possibilities. So it can start to look really skewed when you see a list of a couple dozen situations versus one. But it's like saying most dogs have fur, and then list off all the hairless breeds. Just because there is a list of dogs without fur? Doesn't mean that most dogs, or even a lot, don't have fur. The vast majority of dogs have fur. The vast majority of rapists are about power. So I'm actually gonna list out the vaaaaaaaaaaast majority here first.
I forget who said it :
"Rape is about anger and control and violence. Sex is merely the weapon."
***
Within that above group? There are a whole lot of different "types" of rapists. 4 main groups:
Power Reassurance - ("Gentleman Rapist", opportunity rapist).
Goal = to possess / own
((I call these ones low-self-esteem & poor-me-rapists. They need to be told you liked it, more often than not.))
Power Assertive - (Entitlement, Exploitative)
Goal = to possess / harm / capture-conquer-control
Anger Retaliatory - (Rage, Retaliation, Punishment)
Goal = Displaced anger. Often lethal.
Anger Excitation - (Sadistic)
Goal = Sexual gratification from victim's suffering. Very often lethal.
Then there are a whole lot of others, that are primarily group-based, not individual based:
Other - The goals here vary, as do methods & motivations... but whether it's a softening technique in torture & interrogation, or to humiliate one's enemies, or "breed them out" form of genocide, gang initiations, revenge (fictional example: when the girl with the dragon tattoo rapes her rapist) or a whole bunch of others / the list goes on... But they're still all about power.
***
Blargh. I don't have the energy to list out all the minority cases where rape is not the intent / power and normal rape-rules and motivations don't apply... but they include things like small children acting out their own rapes*, teens* & young adults* -especially when drunk- who have crap communication with their partner (both sexes, especially, in this group) both start out consensual, then one changes their mind and the other doesn't listen. Freeze response, one partner doesn't want to but gives no indication so their partner has no idea. Forced rape ((I've been a part of that, blokes had no choice, I don't blame them. Correction. I don't blame all of them.)). Certain kinds of sex trafficking. Etc. Again. The above is just a partial list where rape / sexual assault happened, but it wasn't the intent.
* This by no means says that all of these examples rape was not the intent. There is a point at which a victim becomes an abuser (where that point is varies), and all 4 groups of serial rapists start somewhere... Often as adolescents. It's part of what makes child on child so damnably murky. Because for some there is no intent. And for some, there is.
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I have had attempted rape ; but I always fought like hell and got away. One guy had family issues I believe and I didn't want to do any more than kiss then it seemed like it set off a switch. ? Anger ? Power and control? One guy was a minority? Power and control and anger ...always seems to be anger and power and control. They are sick and pathetic and should be made impotent...
I can't remember where I heard it but someone said "rape is not about evil, it's about selfishness". Meaning the rapist doesn't always see what he's doing as bad, they just don't care. They want their own satisfaction, be it power, control or sexual gratification.
I see evil when I look at my attacker and I'm sure that he knows exactly what he did otherwise he wouldn't of threatened me and got nasty when I stood up for myself and said he was to blame not me.
But it does make sense. How many men deny it and say that they thought she wanted it, even with the "no's" and the struggles? A vast number.
But lots generally believe it because at the time they didn't even care enough to acknowledge that their victim really didn't want anything to happen. Hence : selfishness on a despicable scale.
Woah go me, I used the R word! I think talking in general terms rather than using it to describe my own experience is a lot easier.
I see evil when I look at my attacker and I'm sure that he knows exactly what he did otherwise he wouldn't of threatened me and got nasty when I stood up for myself and said he was to blame not me.
But it does make sense. How many men deny it and say that they thought she wanted it, even with the "no's" and the struggles? A vast number.
But lots generally believe it because at the time they didn't even care enough to acknowledge that their victim really didn't want anything to happen. Hence : selfishness on a despicable scale.
Woah go me, I used the R word! I think talking in general terms rather than using it to describe my own experience is a lot easier.
- Post starter
- #10
Thanks for your insight @FridayJones. A lot of what you said makes sense. There is never a one size fits all explanation for anything.
There is one common thread I have seen with guys that have behavioral issues with sex, and it is their objectification of women. They seem to consistently view women as sexual objects for their pleasure, and fail to recognize that women are in fact living breathing persons.
Another thing that seems to be a common denominator is when they look at a woman dressed in a sexy outfit the guys automatically think the girl is looking for it; that they want it, when in truth the girl is just trying to look nice. The men project their own skewed view of sex and sexuality onto the women.
Not all of the guys who do this are rapist, but it certainly opens the door to them becoming one.
Another thing that seems to be a common denominator is when they look at a woman dressed in a sexy outfit the guys automatically think the girl is looking for it; that they want it, when in truth the girl is just trying to look nice. The men project their own skewed view of sex and sexuality onto the women.
Not all of the guys who do this are rapist, but it certainly opens the door to them becoming one.
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- #12
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