Brainwashing

[Ronin]

^^^^
Don't tell me I've done everything. I haven't even started "everything".

On a slightly cynical, probably realistic note... I tend to calm myself with the thought I'd be permanently dead, if I did that. And more with me than were. So guilt can entomb me for a while, but I'm here and kicking. Bite me, universe. Bite me & f*ck you, the only puta I'd really mean that word for so much.

Seriously relating.

 

[Eagle3]

Remembered some more, tried to edit the original post but couldn't find the button...

Emotions will lie to you, so don't pay any attention to them and NEVER make a decision based on what you feel
Pain is all in your head. If you refuse to give in to it, it will go away on its own, no matter what the cause is
Other people are WAY more important than I am...basically, the only reason I exist is to make others happy

 

[sun seeker]

@Eagle3, I read your post and was all set to start arguing with you when I remembered these are more things you were brainwashed into believing, and not actual advice you are giving! Ack. Somehow between opening a thread with the word "brainwashing" right in the title, and reading your post, my brain skipped a few beats. If anyone needs a poster child for how PTSD affects cognition, I could volunteer.

 

[Dana1010]

My parents are irreproachably, unimpeachably correct--morally, logically, philosophically, ethically--100% of the time. All those people who think that they're crazy are in fact the crazy ones. Yes, everyone on earth is crazy except them.

 

[shimmerz]

All those people who think that they're crazy are in fact the crazy ones. Yes, everyone on earth is crazy except them.

*heavy sigh* Yes. ^^^^^

 

[Ronin]

Ack. Somehow between opening a thread with the word "brainwashing" right in the title, and reading your post, my brain skipped a few beats

Mine too, but that's mostly because I think of vastly different things in my life when that word gets used than PTSD-making-regular-abuse things. And situations where the choice was damned if you do, damned if you don't, and how many lives it will cost if you don't, and whose will be those if you do.

 

[Tinyflame]

I've been thinking about this question, & I don't know how to answer. I might say it's because I have a hard time distinguishing 'brainwashing' from 'influence'. I could say like others 'plenty', but hard to say where it all comes from- learning/ being taught, personal beliefs, history & experiences, personality & nature, etc, Idk?

For example, my sister showed me a copy of an e-mail her ex bf left 2 days ago he had copied, between her & another sister 3 years ago. Though not the body it included from this sister (though I don't know what it means): "..(my name) was a beautiful & intelligent child- she could count to 50 before age 1! It's my fault too, I always told her 'no baby talk' .." Which surprised me most because I never knew I was inclined to 'baby talk', don't remember such. (But it actually occured to me 'baby talk' would be appropriate for a baby!). I only remember back to age 2 insisting 'I'm not a baby!" etc (refused to ride in a stroller etc. Then again even now I can't stand the feel of 'containment', eg locked exits, crowds, seatbelts, etc., so who knows what is eg. genetics, nature, or thoughts? ) But a sad part would be that sister would have only been about 8 or 9 herself, yet no 'childhood' much, either. :(

I guess I would say:

Dependence = death, failure & burdensomeness. (Including emotional dependence.)
Keeping quiet when things are bad, try harder, someone has it worse= whining, selfish, self-centered.
Expressing vulnerability or inability = lazy/ a loser (or so I'm told).
If I cannot produce what others' want same as above. Therefore also I am neither tolerable nor lovable.
Not working= worse than death.
Value of myself is based on income & production or 'roles' (professional capacity, 'mother', 'wife' etc).
My emotions & feelings have no value. Nor do I have the right to them or to express them.
I'm wrong & do not have a right to my own feelings, wants or needs. They are incidental, secondary to what I produce, & not a luxury I'm entitled to afford.
My existence has ruined others' lives.
I've never done enough, or done the wrong thing.
No one genuinely will ever care about me (so I've also been told, though not that I recall as a small child).
Etc.

(Off the top of my tired head. Hugs to all btw. :hug:)

 

[Go Hungry]

Aargh.. this is a difficult one. I mean, the only thing that I can say I was actively brainwashed to believe is that there is a God in the sky. There was a hell of a lot of that laundry being done when I was a kid.. Those churches are into getting 'em young is what I'm saying...

As for the negative beliefs that were ground into me via other people, society, the media and other areas.. Well I think you guys have already listed most of them. I'll give it a try though.

I am a mistake. My existence is and always was a burden on others.
I am a failure. I have never lived up to my potential, as if my potential was anything other than dirt.
I deserve whatever I get, because I am too weak to take care of myself.
I deserve nothing, actually. People like me should just die quietly so as not to inconvenience others.
That trying something new is a fool's errand. It will only end up embarrassing me.
That love is something to be avoided. It'll end in tears.
That life is meaningless, and death is pointless.

Gaaah... it's all merging together, the things I believed as a kid and the things I believe now. I can't seem to differentiate between the two so well..

 

[illusionist]

Shame......Shame in many aspects......strangely the shame of the sexual abuse was the easiest to get over.

Ashamed that I exist.....that's the hardest one.

 

[selfcompassion]

As I work through my trauma-esq issues and come out the other side, I recognize that my having been bra...

Complex PTSD symptoms...Peter Walker, a therapist can pull it all togather....inner critic ramblings needed to survive abuse and emotional abandonment. The inner , critic has to fought and the childhood feelings need to be felt. This eases the emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, terror, depression, etc. We were all prisoners of war. I am in the throws of this grief work. It is like walking through the fires of hell to find healing on the other side. It is not fun, but I can tell it is working. The hardest part is tapping into the feelings of an abused fetus, infant, and pre verbal child. Today, I connected with my fetus for the first time. Insanely difficult to grieve and feel the terror. I'm, now, incredibly grateful and elated that I was able to do this. The physical sensations sucked. Now, that I found her, I can heal her, protect her, keep her safe.

 

[Changing4Best]

I know that one of the first words that toddlers learn is "No." I had this word beaten out of me.

I had trouble saying it as an adult, until I owned a motel and used to just light up the "No" part of our sign so that the "Vacancy" part was hidden. I loved doing that so much! We got plenty of business anyway, and folks maybe thought I did this to save on electricity or something, so no one complained. Once every month or so, someone would ring the bell at 3AM who had missed the "No." I didn't care, I could always get up and do some bookwork then anyway.


I had trouble saying "No." as an adult of course. I got pregnant in college, consequently. I had trouble later in life when I was married too, because this man I met online wanted me to have sex with him. I had a horrible time with that, because I felt I had to be his friend, but I also knew it would be disastrous for my marriage and my life if I were to give in to him. I tried to be his friend for years (I'm not sure why, but I bet it was something to do with my brainwashing as a child). I've finally cut loose from him in recent years, but I must say that his flirting with me and all that nearly ruined my marriage and my life, simply because I could barely say "No." to him. H
e probably thought that since I had trouble saying "No." that I was interedsted on some level, which I was not at all!

I learned at a pretty young age that daddy was grouchy in the mornings. I made it my business to disappear every morning during the summer, I remember that!