- Post starter
- #13
JEKBreatheandBelieve
Diamond Member
I have been reading this part over and over. It's so true and so well stated.
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
"you'll Be Fine"
- Post starter JEKBreatheandBelieve
- Start date
- Status
- Post starter
- #14
JEKBreatheandBelieve
Diamond Member
Um, like everything? Actually if I were to look at it logically, I am doing too much thinking. I am having a hard time reconciling how life was back in June when I went inpatient to life now. I learned a lot of skills, but a lot of the external things in my life have changed. My kids grew up a lot in 3 months, physical things in my environment changed (because somehow life went on without me), I have no job because I took a year off because I couldn't make it through last year and I thought taking a year off was a good idea, I am surrounded my reminders of my classroom (which I am working on putting away), I don't know what I want or will be able to do for work, I spent almost all of our savings on getting treatment (which helped a lot) but somehow I am still struggling because PTSD and life is hard. Oh yeah, and it's fall which is anniversary time for a trauma and for the unraveling of my life by realizing that I have DID. And so I am struggling with the transition majorly. What's the road block? Being frozen in black and white thinking that makes every choice I make impossible and in the meantime I am so overwhelmed that internal communication is breaking down even though I am trying for that not to happen but life inside my head goes on even when I am stuck externally. That probably doesn't make any sense but I understand it and logically know it is full of cognitive distortions, but emotionally I don't have enough strength right now to help myself fight them.
I think breaking down the shared responsibilities might help, having a routine or plan, & plan for those days it's just too much (eg pre-made frozen dinners, take out etc). Sports for the kids, whatever. One step at a time, versus processing time (in peace for yourself). Mini-decompressing moments built in (for yourself).
I think @Cashew's post #8 is probably true, though believing it is like climbing a mountain with 2 broken ankles. Though I came back to say this even though I don't want to because I had a weird dream like that last night, that I was getting help I don't realize & it was 'ok'. And those type of thoughts are not inclined to come from myself, & I don't feel it will be ok. I never dream either, or don't remember if I do anyway, mostly just nightmares/ night terrors.
Hugs @JEKBreatheandBelieve .
I think @Cashew's post #8 is probably true, though believing it is like climbing a mountain with 2 broken ankles. Though I came back to say this even though I don't want to because I had a weird dream like that last night, that I was getting help I don't realize & it was 'ok'. And those type of thoughts are not inclined to come from myself, & I don't feel it will be ok. I never dream either, or don't remember if I do anyway, mostly just nightmares/ night terrors.
Hugs @JEKBreatheandBelieve .
@JEKBreatheandBelieve, you say a part of your life goes on even with everything else freezing - would it be possible to externalize some of that internal traffic, use something of what you're perceiving to boost outside change?
I mean, it sounds like ya all (meaning parts-people, terminology for this is awkward) have ideas how to keep moving forward - at least a lot of commentary on what's going on, what's gotten different, the should's and would's, just no energy & not seeing it as possible to do, outwardly... but that's not the same as having no idea whatsoever, it's a different place of being stuck.
So: what tools do you need to bring ideas to actualization, & what tools do you need to spare energy so you can use the minimum you have right now, while very drained by outside factors?
I mean, it sounds like ya all (meaning parts-people, terminology for this is awkward) have ideas how to keep moving forward - at least a lot of commentary on what's going on, what's gotten different, the should's and would's, just no energy & not seeing it as possible to do, outwardly... but that's not the same as having no idea whatsoever, it's a different place of being stuck.
So: what tools do you need to bring ideas to actualization, & what tools do you need to spare energy so you can use the minimum you have right now, while very drained by outside factors?
Friday
Sponsor
Can't speak for everyone... When I say it? Or versions of?
It means I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself.
sharon hall
New Here
You probably need some new coping skills and ideas and are not getting them
I am DID(NOS). At least unofficially, therapist-declared. They started informing me about it in 2011... They being the other people in my head? Who I never met but yet have always known were there somehow...
...the fact that you are DID says you *did* survive something far more awful than most people ever get to go through.
So while survival isn't totally guaranteed, you have resources, both internal and external.
...I wish I could honestly say you will be just fine but I don't know that.
I DO think the odds are very, very strongly in your favor, though you(all) feel wretched right now. We dissociative-disordered peeps are peculiar, but we are resilient as all get out. I think you will slowly get back up.
I am/we are coming out of our 4-year nervous breakthrough a LOT stronger and more clearheaded. So I really want to tell you...you are going *through* a healing process. Through. As in it is not always going to suck this bad! There will be a point when you look in the rear view mirror, metaphorically, and see that things have gotten way, way better.
If nothing else, the kids ( external children) are going to be older in a couple of years.
Internal children may vary. They tend to hold the feelings.
I note in my case ( and I suspect this is common ) is that the feelings had to be " canned" right along with the memories? So we get to feel what we did not feel 30-odd years ago.
We had to post and post and post ad nauseam...but that may be part of our process. Journaling in some form or fashion is highly recommended.
We certainly want y'all to successfully complete this stage and heal.
Feel free to PM me.
...the fact that you are DID says you *did* survive something far more awful than most people ever get to go through.
So while survival isn't totally guaranteed, you have resources, both internal and external.
...I wish I could honestly say you will be just fine but I don't know that.
I DO think the odds are very, very strongly in your favor, though you(all) feel wretched right now. We dissociative-disordered peeps are peculiar, but we are resilient as all get out. I think you will slowly get back up.
I am/we are coming out of our 4-year nervous breakthrough a LOT stronger and more clearheaded. So I really want to tell you...you are going *through* a healing process. Through. As in it is not always going to suck this bad! There will be a point when you look in the rear view mirror, metaphorically, and see that things have gotten way, way better.
If nothing else, the kids ( external children) are going to be older in a couple of years.
Internal children may vary. They tend to hold the feelings.
I note in my case ( and I suspect this is common ) is that the feelings had to be " canned" right along with the memories? So we get to feel what we did not feel 30-odd years ago.
We had to post and post and post ad nauseam...but that may be part of our process. Journaling in some form or fashion is highly recommended.
We certainly want y'all to successfully complete this stage and heal.
Feel free to PM me.
sun seeker
Diamond Member
Just wondering, does whether they work or not depend on what personality is active at any given point?
- Post starter
- #21
JEKBreatheandBelieve
Diamond Member
@sun seeker - Yes, it absolutely can be a factor as to whether the meds work or not. I had to have conversations with my parts about trying the sleeping medication and anti-depressant. Perhaps I should have thought to talk to them about the anti-anxiety med, too. It doesn't always help, but it can improve the likelihood of success. I take anti-nausea medicine specifically for one part so meds are definitely tricky.
@Stickler inspired tangent ahead.
Another way to look at this:
Even if people (outside) let you down (or don't get you, or make you feel super isolated etc)?
You still have people-resources (inside) that don't.
(I mean you've sticked with each other through crap of your life, right? That's heckuva lot team work by default. Even in times co-consciousness sucks and communication sucks and what ever else it is sucks, you still have people on your side, just while & by, being. So if there's no one outside that gets you - find who inside does, and what they can prompt y'all to do for your life with what you have.)
Meds ideas - is there anything likely to ease what you're struggling with as a whole that would affect the least amount of people negatively? Something that maybe doesn't have bingo, miracle-med effect on you, but doesn't have side effects more of you can't deal with?
(Or at least that's about how we go with medication; there's yuuck we can just suck up, and then there's yuck that makes overwhelming majority miserable and so not worth it. Usually come to find out the second category of yuck is the same issues non-multies with otherwise alike bio/neurology would struggle.)
Another way to look at this:
Even if people (outside) let you down (or don't get you, or make you feel super isolated etc)?
You still have people-resources (inside) that don't.
(I mean you've sticked with each other through crap of your life, right? That's heckuva lot team work by default. Even in times co-consciousness sucks and communication sucks and what ever else it is sucks, you still have people on your side, just while & by, being. So if there's no one outside that gets you - find who inside does, and what they can prompt y'all to do for your life with what you have.)
Meds ideas - is there anything likely to ease what you're struggling with as a whole that would affect the least amount of people negatively? Something that maybe doesn't have bingo, miracle-med effect on you, but doesn't have side effects more of you can't deal with?
(Or at least that's about how we go with medication; there's yuuck we can just suck up, and then there's yuck that makes overwhelming majority miserable and so not worth it. Usually come to find out the second category of yuck is the same issues non-multies with otherwise alike bio/neurology would struggle.)
- Post starter
- #23
JEKBreatheandBelieve
Diamond Member
Sometimes the inside group doesn't help. Sometimes they do. Often it is a mixture of both. And when things are really chaotic, it is hard to find the positive support from within because they are all too busy either trying to deal with the triggers from the outside or helping each other. It's a very complicated world inside. But yes, they are one heck of a team that have helped me survive.
I used to think(20 years ago) that I was weak because I didnt finish myself but everyday I muddled through. l was lost for years before I realized I was strong for fighting everyday and I got stonger every day. Fight for your life everyday and in the long run you will come out the other side.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
