Therapist Wants An Extra Session - Did I Scare Her?

[theshadowoftheliving]

Earlier this week I met with my therapist and finally divulged that I've been having suicidal ideation, but nothing I would act on. Talked about that and how I've been self-harming, and how nervous I was to divulge these things for fear of being hospitalized against my will. She assured me of normalcy and her desire to help, and I thought we ended on an okay note, with me promising to be safe and her giving me the clinic's emergency line number just in case.

A few hours later, she called me and asked if I would come back in later in the week instead of waiting a week till our next session. So, I'm going back tomorrow.

I'm so panicked, projecting her anxiety about how I'm doing, assuming that she thinks it's worse than it is, panicking and wanting to take everything back and tell her I was just kidding. I feel like it scared her enough to ask me to come back, and I'm scared of what it means that I scared her.

Am I right to be worried? Or am I letting my brain run wild?

 

[mrsps]

I can understand why you would be worried and scared to go to this extra appointment. Its the fear of the unknown and what she wants to talk to you about. I am sure it will all go ok, she most likely just wants to check in with you again to see how you are going as a week is a long time to have to wait when you are struggling with life.
I doubt you would have scared her as most T's are used to hearing clients thoughts of suicide. You were brave bringing your thoughts up with her now she can help you work through them.
Best of luck with the appointment :)

 

[fuzzypenguin]

She could be concerned and wants to know where your mind is at.

 

[Suzetig]

My guess is that she's gone away and thought about your session and is worried about how you're doing so wants to offer extra support, both to help you through this time and to reassure herself that she's offering you enough help to keep you safe.

Well done being honest about your feelings, it's not easy. Hope your session goes well.

 

[scout86]

Am I right to be worried? Or am I letting my brain run wild?

You're letting your brain run wild. She's doing her job, that's all. She's got an idea of what she needs to do and how she needs to do it and that's all she's doing. She's just trying to help and doesn't want you to have to wait a whole week.(BTW, my T says it's not as easy to hospitalize an adult against their will as people think it is. Sometimes it's not easy ENOUGH.)

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Just had my appointment.

She wants to up the level of treatment I'm receiving, moving atleast to two days a week, maybe adding group therapy in, wants me to consult with a psychiatrist as well. She talked about hospitalization, too.

She told me that I would have to be getting more care than the once a week therapy in order for me to stay with the clinic.

Now I'm panicking a little, because I didn't think it was that bad. Plus, I don't know how I'll pull off more therapy, both schedule and cost-wise, as my insurance is so shitty that I'll most likely have to pay out of pocket. And I'm wondering what I'm missing in regards to understanding myself and my situation that makes me think things are so much more benign than she does ....

 

[joeylittle]

I'm wondering what I'm missing in regards to understanding myself and my situation that makes me think things are so much more benign than she does ....

Sometimes, we become so accustomed to our own symptoms that they seem more manageable than they actually are. I really didn't see it coming when I snapped - I had gotten used to feeling the way I did. But I was engaged in intense suicidal ideation, far more intense than I was aware of at the time. Later, reading my journal, I saw how stark it was.

But while it was happening, I only thought it was 'the usual'.

Don't be afraid of the extra support, although I know how freakish it can make things seem. I'm sorry you are looking at a financial hardship for it; hopefully, your insurance may surprise you, or it may be far enough into the year that you are close to your deductible. At any rate, I'd go ahead and embrace the therapy, and talk with your therapist how to really make progress with the extra time.

 

[Ocean5]

Sorry for your financial hardship (feel the pain of out of pocket.) Maybe try it out for twice a week to start. She may give different advice in a couple weeks.

Please put emergency line in your phone if things get too bad.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thanks, guys. Im trying to handle things well, trying to breathe deep and try to not engage in anything dumb. I'm so afraid of the depths of what I actually feel (and try to ignore). I can't fall apart- my life doesn't support it.

I'll call insurance again on Monday. A friend suggested to me that I tell them I've been hospitalized in the past as a way of demanding more sessions (it's cheaper, ultimately, for them to pay for sessions than another hospital stay). In the meantime I think I can swing extra sessions through this month. Hopefully, that's enough extra time.

I do have an emergency line in my phone. But honestly, I don't think I would ever call it.

 

[Ocean5]

A friend suggested to me that I tell them I've been hospitalized in the past as a way of demanding more sessions (it's cheaper, ultimately, for them to pay for sessions than another hospital stay).

I think that is an excellent idea!
If they don't agree - ask to speak to a manager.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Do they have a sliding scale? My last therapist didn't have a sliding scale at the clinic, but they started one. That could help you a lot.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@DharmaGirl I'm already in the sliding scale - I am afraid that I can't afford the extra sessions even WITH it.

I feel paralyzed. I'm afraid that if I can't swing the extra sessions, the clinic won't keep me on as a patient, which will mean back to square one with no therapy at all.