Relationship On Shaky Ground Again

[Sweetpea76]

They can't see you cry in the dark hon. You deserve a good cry!

 

[Wastinglight]

Thanks everyone for your comments, I really appreciate it. I have decided to start making plans to move out. I would say that I'm calling his bluff, except that I don't think he's bluffing (even though he's peddling all the same stock-standard I-can't-do-this-we'd-be-better-off-without-each-other phrases that I've heard reported by dozens of other supporters here).

I am planning to tell him that I am open to discussions about "us" right up until I move out. After I move out, we are done - I will no longer be in his life. This is not an empty threat, and I'm not saying it in an attempt to get him to change his mind. I just honestly think it will be too painful to keep him in my life after I move out - I will have to cut contact with him altogether. But it's only fair that he knows that before I move out - if there's any doubt in his mind, he will need to speak up before I leave.

The other reason why I want to do it this way is because I suspect that what he wants most right now is to have his house to himself again ie. get me to move out and then suggest that we start dating again. This is not acceptable to me - it's commitment or bust, and I want to make it clear that it won't be an option for him after the fact. I plan to take my time moving out though - it will take a few weeks to get my sh*t sorted anyway.

 

[Wastinglight]

One of the shittiest things about this break-up is that I will have to give up target shooting and sell all my guns. This is particularly galling to me because I have started working as a writer in the firearms industry - I have my first article being published in a print magazine next week. I am literally walking out of this relationship with nothing.

 

[Sighs]

Do you need to sell the guns for the money? Or is there an issue with storage? Can you store them with the gun club or a friend?

I know he is heavily involved with your club but is there another club within spitting distance? If you love the hobby then don't let him put you off. If you have to take a break from it for financial reasons then so be it, but see it as a break rather than forever.

PS - congrats on the magazine article! I'll probably read it if its an Aussie firearm magazine it's bound to turn up on our kitchen table sooner or later!

 

[Sighs]

Oh - and also - I agree that contact after a break up is impossible for me personally. I know some people seem to manage it but I can't do it. It seems fair to me that you tell him that. Not to put pressure on him but just so he knows what his options are.

 

[Wastinglight]

Do you need to sell the guns for the money? Or is there an issue with storage? Can you store them with t...

I may well have to sell at least some of them for the money. I paid for half our big safe as well. Storage is the main problem. I don't know anyone else well enough (who isn't connected with my guy) who could store them for me. There's a good chance I will end up moving back interstate to be closer to my family. Shooting is literally my life at the moment, so I don't want to give it up, but the way things are going, I think I will have to take a very long break from it unless I can make an arrangement with someone, which seems unlikely at this point. Also, I won't be able to shoot without thinking of him.

 

[Wastinglight]

Oh - and also - I agree that contact after a break up is impossible for me personally. I know some people...

Yes, that's my point exactly. Given the way I feel about him, he may well think I'm bluffing when I say this, so I won't be in a hurry to blurt it out - and I will have to be 100% sure that I can stick to my guns as well!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Hopefully you'll be able to keep at least one of your firearms... and I'd tell him he needed to buy me out of the safe. That should be the least he could do after everything. It sounds like it is your lifestyle now. You shouldn't have to lose everything.

 

[Wastinglight]

Hopefully you'll be able to keep at least one of your firearms... and I'd tell him he needed to buy m...

He will buy out my half of the safe. He's very reasonable about that sort of thing.

This turn of events has reminded me of two things his dad told me when we first got together. He said:

"His biggest problem is not PTSD - it's fear of commitment."

and

"When he feels trapped, he will do anything, say anything, to get out of the situation."

I think those two statements sum up what is going on with him. He feels trapped now that I've moved in with him, and he is now saying whatever will get me out the door fastest. I'm toying with the idea of telling him this, but I know it will only make things worse.