Childhood Why Is Childhood Sexual Abuse Damaging ?

[anthony]

This is off-topic and you should start a new thread in the help desk to ask such questions.

 

[Lucycat]

I just keep getting stuck on this point of "why" or "how" does this cause my adult problems. I know it has, I just don't understand why.

I think this is possibly a problem for my abuser too. I don't think he 'get's' that he has caused me such damage. He didn't rape me. He did not use physical force or violence. But the damage was caused by the manipulation of emotions and trust. By an adult taking inappropriate control over my body. For me having confused messages about boundaries, privacy and secrets. I think all this is far too subtle for my abuser to ever see what he did was wrong. He does not understand why saying sorry does not make it all better.

 

[Jnean]

Lucycat, I easily could be wrong but I sounds like the person that abused you wants sorry to be enough and does not want to admit he caused any damage. I think it's because he's scared. He sounds to me like he is still trying to have the control. Fact is, he had the control when he abused you right? Now in my opinion, he has to deal with that and yes feel shame that we are all so familiar with. Not sure it's good advice but when questioning, question only what you need answered and allow yourself to feel what feels right in your own head.

 

[sun seeker]

A sexual relationship is meant to be between equals. In child sexual abuse there is inherently an imbalance of power. When we internalize that, we seek out relationships in adulthood that mimic what we learned as children. It's much harder to find a relationship of true trust and intimacy when we have learned from a young age that our bodies are meant to please others or even that they belong to others. We learn instead to be passive, or distancing, or to trust the wrong people, or in all kinds of other ways not to have healthy sexual relationships.

That's just one of many possible answers to this question.

 

[katz]

I would like to ask for some imput. I hope that this is the right forum to ask.

I would like to know if anyone thinks that sexual abuse as a child is worse than for an adult? I read about all these effects of PTSD from people who got it as an adult. But, I just can't relate to them. I feel that it must be worse for a child to be r**ped? At least the adult understands what is being done to them--or understands after. But, the child has no idea what is being done. I know that there is pain with all of it and for everyone. (I don't want to put anyone's feelings down) I just think that it is very different for a child. It seems that the years of experience with life would make it very different for the adult to handle it and the effects of it.

 

[Jnean]

I don't know how to compare trauma or put it on a scale, there are so many scenarios to bundle it in one lump sum and compare to another. Either way my T just told me today not to feel as tho my trauma isn't as bad as someone else's therefore feeling like I'm not worthy enough to get the same healing, hope that makes sense.

 

[ghotiff]

There are a few threads on the more general topic of adult versus child trauma. I do think they are very different and need to be treated in therapy as very different.

Comparing traumas as "worse" or "better" however tends to be counterproductive. There are just too many individual facets that make comparisons of this nature meaningless and unhelpful.

One thing that strikes me with adult trauma is that the adult "had" a "normal" life prior to trauma and they lost it. I never had it, but if I had I would not enjoy morning the loss.

Hope that helps. I very much agree that adult versus childhood trauma is very different.

 

[Fadeaway]

@katz I have had both CSA and adult SA. They are different in many regards, but in others they are the same. As an adult, it was in a relationship setting, but I imagine it would be different for someone who was assaulted by a stranger in some regards. I can't say which was worse for me. The both left different types of emotional scars.

As for the original question, I think childhood abuse is often so bad because of the things the abuser says to us and their attitudes. The relationship dynamic with previous adults has been different and so we have no awareness of how to handle that type of relationship dynamic.

Abusers often say things to make us feel guilty, or you get a general sense of it being wrong based on thier behavior and the things they say like telling us to keep it a secret or such. I know for me that religion also played a huge part in how it mentally scared me due to the whole sexual purity thing. I knew I was damaged goods way too early, and tortured myself over it, thought I would be alone the rest of my life because no man would want to marry me etc. I was also always told that God knows my thoughts which was a great source of agony for me.

 

[anthony]

I would like to know if anyone thinks that sexual abuse as a child is worse than for an adult?

The answer is yes, and no. You have to ask such things based on specifics.

Having a single incident as a child (resiliency) vs. single incident as an adult (non-resiliency), chances are the adult will fair worse than the child.

Multiple vs single, child or adult, will increase risk for acute outcomes. There are always the counter to this, though multiple, repeated trauma, typically heightens acute outcomes, statistically.

 

[Heather]

@anthony When you say multiple repeated trauma, typically heightens acute outcomes....(sorry don't remember how to quote properly) I hope you are referring to those that don't receive intensive trauma therapy after the incident(s).

Please clarify.

Thanks.

 

[anthony]

I hope you are referring to those that don't receive intensive trauma therapy after the incident(s).

No, not specifically. Multiple traumatic events compound. They have an ongoing devastating affect upon the psyche which each further trauma. Everyone is different. Sure, intervention can absolutely help curb that, however; if a person then continues to endure further trauma after resolution of prior trauma, it can bring it all back as though its just more trauma to be dealt with again.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

it can bring it all back as though its just more trauma to be dealt with again.

Multiple traumatic events compound

Adult event(s) started an avalanche, digging out from that the childhood events are surfacing. Now the childhood ones are murky but stronger in impact. Added to non personal violent trauma. Flashbacks are not interlinked, but can shift from one to another. How to uncompound?