Childhood Why Is Childhood Sexual Abuse Damaging ?

[EveHarrington]

Normal development is disrupted. It's not a matter of just being delayed----

Sort of like in movies/tv-----Community is coming to mind; the one where they're in the apartment and create 7 different timelines? You end up on a different path and can't ever get back to the exact same path you would have been on without that specific event.

Learning about developmental stages made me cry. I went through a huge mourning period. That person I was-----was essentially killed.

 

[Hope4Now]

hope4now,
I went to "start a conversation" and it won't let me. It says that your box is full.

I'll see what I can do to empty out some old conversations that I don't think will continue anymore.

If you want, we can also continue here, as @ghotiff has so graciously offered.

Also, starting a conversation is different from opening a thread. A conversation is private between two members, or a group of members, and only they can see it. A thread is open to all on the board. To start one is easy. You go to "Forums" and pick the category (usually discussion, but in this case could be something else). You'll see an option to start a new thread. Click it, type in the topic, and then type whatever you want to say. It's pretty cool. And if you post it in the wrong category, the moderators will move it for you and let you know. Hope that helps.

 

[mary1979]

I used to think, clean up the sexual distinction id picked up from my abuse and I'm good to go.

I was all healed n stuff.
Never.mind that I had no clue what a healthy relationship looked like or that I couldn't face myself sober.

Now I've thrown pretty much everything good in my life away im like 'ahhh. So that's a bit of a problem'


Its not just the abuse, the entire environment an abuser has to create in order to get away with it leaves one hell of a mess to clean up later on.

And you're stuck as an adult with this feeling that you are now responsible for your own actions, blaming the past is a cop out and you should just damned well know better, to overcome as well...

Its not the worst that can happen, but sure ain't much fun either

 

[SB213]

Hi - I'm new. This thread has so much to offer. Many wonderfully Wise people here.

I'm doing Brainstorming with my T. It truly is a rocket ride, as David Grand says. After a month of uncovering repressed memories, and more details still coming, I'm now beginning to understand, how being molested during babyhood and then on and off until I figured out how to protect myself, affected my adult relationships.

I was especially affected by the question. And even more by the answers. I agree there's the tainted environment. The feeling of being ill at ease, becoming spacey, disassociating with my body, developing eating problems (mine is not eating), wanting to run away from home as a kid, thinking men had no feelings, these are affects I experienced. There are some good ones... Like having many ethereal spiritual experiences of comfort and insight, developing wisdom beyond my years, becoming an exceptional friend to many.

Thirty years ago, I remembered one incident. Brainspotting opened the window to more prior to that one. As a good friend says, if it happened on the psyche, it happened and you need to address it.

Now that I'm seeing how my adult relationships have been affected, how I never felt my body, how I never allowed myself to be fully present, well, I'd say, the problems that result are numerous.

My sisters, who are still living in a perfect largely oblivious world, seem happy enough. So why dig it up? I'm not addressing it with them because I know they'd need a lot of support, and I'm not sure they have it. Again, why dig it up, for me?

The reason because I intend to have a full and good relationship with a loving, aware husband and be whole, myself, before I die. I'm in my early sixties. I need to be in my body. I need to be present, and not a drifty space case. I want to fully live.

Meanwhile, it's painful and exceptionally difficult to go on the rocket ride of therapy.

 

[katz]

You can't undo compounding trauma. Compounding trauma simply refers to multiple traumatic events, and they b...

Anthony, I liked what you said about "eventually crush you". This helped me put words with one of the feelings-and pictures of myself that I have of me as a child. I remember "giving up". I came to the realization that this was what life was going to be like. I had so many people hurt me that I just decided it was easier to just admit defeat.
Still to this day, I find myself just shutting down during an argument or even a disagreement. I know that my rage and pain is inside me, but to let it out is a whole different story. I don't know if I will ever be able to.

Our family did so much yelling that I just stopped. I either left the room or shut down and let them all yell at me. It seemed easier at the time.

 

[hodge]

I'm so sorry for you, Katz, and others who have experienced the effect of not being able to stand up for yourself.

My first sexual assault was at age 12. It feels equally bad as the ones that happened to me at 14 and 20. But at 12 I had no idea of what sex was, so it was really, really scary. All I perceived at the time was that this was bad, really bad.

None of it really crushed me until I was in my early 40s. I was pretty resilient until then. Or so I thought. I think what brought on my PTSD was finally learning how to deal with my mom's abuse, because once I got a handle on that, everything else flooded in. I sought help and was diagnosed with PTSD.

 

[katz]

I finally decided that this was what all families were like. Lot of pain and lots of loud yelling. When the doctor diagnosed me with PTSD--I was pleased to finally have a name for it. It was not something that "was wrong with me". I actually had a known condition.

When I was diagnosed, it did not effect my family any. And it certainly didn't change their attitude toward me.

I have only recently become friends with a neighbor. She has a young daughter, 11 years old. I have been listening and watching her and how her parents treat her. Wow! What a difference! Is this how children are supposed to be treated? With love and support and care??

I decided long ago not to ever have any kids myself. I can look back now and see the care and love that I would have given them. They would have gotten the love and caring that I missed out on.

 

[hodge]

I also decided early on not to have kids, because I was afraid I would somehow turn into my mother. Now I don't think I would have, but I still think it was a good decision because they would have had to deal with my PTSD eventually. And it so incapacitated me in the earlier years that I would have not been a good parent at all. I couldn't even be a good wife or work or anything.

Yes, it's a real eye opener when you get to know other families where this kind of crap doesn't take place. I never had a pleasant holiday or birthday until I moved out of state. My mom made all of them miserable. I know she had her own problems that made that happen, but she never worked on herself. She would go to therapy occasionally with me, but as soon as the therapist turned their attention to her stuff she would quit. She'd say it was too painful to deal with. I would plead with her and try to encourage her by telling her it would be less painful for her and all of us in the long run, but it never worked. To this day I have no idea of what was so painful in her early life and neither did my dad.