Mothers Who Disown Their Children And Act Like Everything Is Peachy?

[DMerish]

I have to admit being quite confused about these threads until I read that you, Miasmith, happen to be the girlfriend.

It seems very odd to me that a mother would suggest to their son such a far reaching ultimatum without the mother having a serious personality disorder or finding something about you, or the relationship between you and your boyfriend, that the mother found so disagreeable that it prompted the ultimatum. Her making such a decision not only cuts off her son, but causes estrangement between him and other family members too. If he has siblings and extended family, surely they will learn at a minimum part of the truth (maybe later) which will not bode well for her personal relationships.

If you don't mind me asking, what led up to the mother throwing out the ultimatum?

Please don't get me wrong: I'm not judging you - You and your boyfriend are in a really tough and sad situation. :( you're obviously hurting because the person you love (bf) is hurting, and that's completely natural. It just seems to me that there's more of a back story that if you explained might help folks here to provide more insight and suggestions.

(((hugs)))

 

[MissMacD]

My mother walked out on two marriages and three children and never looked back. I spent my life trying to win her over and after 24 years of trying I booked a one way ticket and left. It wasn't easy, but it was way easier than wearing myself out trying to get the attention of someone who has always been too selfish to put her children first. 'Family' are those who stick with you through thick and thin and a biological relation does not give someone rights over you.

 

[AnonymousQwett]

I am the girlfriend.

I want to know that she is not ok with this because it hurts me so much to see he...

My mother has been disowning me my whole and still have issues with her. She ment to be an adult but instead she tugs at my heart strings at any opportunity and always wants me to put her first before anybody else. The way she talks and acts towards me is as if I'm a toy she can pick up when she wants something and then put me down when she's board of me. I have a sibling who seems to be the favourite that never does or says anything wrong. My mother must have disowned me a billion times for the most stupidest and idiotic things I've ever heard of all because she's 110% insecure. After all theses physically and mentally torturous and draining years I STILL don't know how to deal with her...

 

[Ronin]

Some people just hate their own, which is nobody else's fault.

Doesn't make the children less awesome people. They're not existing to fulfill wishes of their parents, nor should they be asked to.

It can be seen as some vicious folk off one's life. Doesn't make things hurt less, for sure - but it's a way out.

 

[mother of none]

I just found this thread, & see a couple of recent posts. So here goes........ I am 65, & have, in essence, disowned my only child, a son, who is 45. Many of you ask how someone could do this. But if a parent has been the brunt of emotional cruelty/abuse from the one person they cherish & love the most, for a number of years, it becomes a matter of survival. I love my son dearly, but I cannot continue to walk on eggshells around him, never knowing what will trigger another outburst of anger, because "I have always treated him like sh*t." This, of course, is nowhere near the truth, but this is how he sees it. I am not perfect & I have made mistakes, but I take responsibility for my actions. I have told him how much I love him, & how sorry I am that we have to part ways like this, but I see no other alternative that will keep us both from further hurt & pain.

About 3 years ago I had become engaged to a man with 4 children. It was after I told him the news that he started to become distant. Then he sent me a searing email telling me he didn't like my future husband to be, or his kids, & that I loved them more than him. You may already gather that his accusation were totally unfounded, but he was obviously hurt & lashed out at me with this communication, ending it with "you have another family now, & I don't want anything more to do with you." Bluntly put, he had abandoned me.

Long story short, I eventually ended the engagement, & was able to get back on track with my son for a few months, until our recent falling out. I had ask him for some help on a home project that I had put off over & over, because he had no time to give. Then he told me he might be able to come on a specific Saturday. So I waited, hearing nothing from him, until the date arrived. I placed a call to see if he was coming, & got met with a barrage of hostility, disrespect, negative attitude, & more hurtful words. I just can't take it anymore. As I said, I told him that I will always love him, but I can't continue on like this, & if this is how he wants to treat me, then I would no longer consider myself to have a son.

I know many people may feel that I am a cruel mother.... how could she ever do such a thing..... but until you have been trod on, or abandoned by your own child, no matter the age, you cannot imagine what it has been like. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

 

[Harriet Critchley]

What is going on!

How can a mother disown a child and then go on with a normal life with the rest of h...

My mother disowned me last year after I became friends with the father of my child ( most mums would of been pleased ). I am bo polar and until I became medicated I struggled with my life. Even as a child she abused me by never showing me any love and only love to my sister. It was so awful as a child I tried to run away and live with my Aunt. I also started cutting myself at age 10. She has also disowned my son yet showers her other grandchildren with love and presents. It is as if history has repeated itself.
However, I actually feel sorry for her. She is full of bitterness towards everyone. Even her own husband. She has no real friends and no one from her family speaks to her. She didnt even go to her own mothers funeral. My sister only tolerates her because she likes her paying for everything.
Where as I am happy. I have a son who adores me and I am best friends with my sons dad. So really even though it hurts very much, in the end people like this are punished by their own Karma.

 

[Harriet]

I am bi polar and have g.a.d. I live in England. I have just joined this site and I already feel welcome. Thank you. I joined because of my illness and because of the post the lady wrote about mothers disowning their children. I could so relate to this. I am currently having terrible panic attacks because my mum sent me an abusive e mail today. I should be used to them by now, yet it still hurts even as an adult. She sent me an e mail pretending to me. Making fun of my condition. She really actually enjoys hurting me. That is something I can never understand. All I ever did was try to make her like me but nothing was ever good enough. She even called me fat. My medication has made me gain weight yet I do try. She tried and failed last year to have my son taken away from me by social services. Has anyone got any advice for me on how to handle this situation as I really dont want it to make me unwell again. I have the most wonderful son he is nearly 8 and I am 32.

 

[Cj boden]

I'm in the same situation here. Me and my girl had some problems in our past but the day we met each other, well we both changed for each other. Three years later we are both as happy as can be but my mother refuses to except this because of my girls past. She was in and abusive cheating relationship. Both her parents died when she was three years old and really has no family at all. Well my mom told me it's either her or me and I want nothing to do with you or her your wedding kids nothing!! Iv tried for 2 years to change her mind. I was addicted to heroin for. 5 years I quit the day I met this girl and never looked back and treat her the way she's always wanted. I love her were getting married soon but mom still wants nothing to do with me or her. It's hard she has no family and we both would of loved to be involved with them especially her, but she's turned the WHOLE family against me and her to the point I haven't been to a family party in years it's literally just us and that's it

 

[kirbywoman121015]

My mom did it to me because I married someone that wasn't our religion. I haven't had a conversation with her for 2 years and she turned my family against me. My little brother (who loves me enough to be happy for me) wanted to come to my wedding but she refused. I also just found out yesterday that my older brother's wife has been pregnant for 3 or 4 months and nobody told me anything about it. Mom has denied me access to my entire family, moving after I left and refusing to let anyone tell me where she lives. When we were at Dad's funeral she said it hurt her to do it, but she doesn't act like it. She told me she wants nothing to do with me, my husband, his family, or my kids (whenever I have them).

 

[sophro87]

I just found this thread, & see a couple of recent posts. So here goes........ I am 65, & have, in essence, di...

No one forced you to disown your son. You made that choice on your own. When you decided to become a parent, that meant for life. Not until you feel you are over him and then can just go on living your life as if he doesn't exist. Your attempt to receive sympathy is failed at best. You are the problem. Not your son. Shame on you.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@sophro87 So, I've disowned my daughter too. Am I a horrible mother too???

 

[gealach]

I know many people may feel that I am a cruel mother....

Not at all... it sounds like you have admitted your mistakes (no parent is perfect, and kids aren't born with instructions), and set a boundary for how you expect to be treated. You let him know that he is loved, and it sounds like if/when he can respect that boundary you would welcome him back. That's not cruel, it's a healthy response to a toxic relationship. The fact that he's your son doesn't give him free reign to treat you like an arse. Toxic behavior is toxic behavior, no matter who it's from or what their biological relationship is/isn't to you.