Reporting Past Abuse

[Mafia_Science]

I just had my first therapy appointment, and my next one is coming up soon. At the end of the session, he asked me if I had experienced a traumatic event (yes), and that we will talk about it next time. I want to tell him about what happened. I've never told anyone before and I want to lift the weight off my shoulders and I want him to help me deal with what happened. The problem is the traumatic event was abuse, and it ended 3 years ago. He said he wouldn't report past abuse of an elderly/child/disabled person, as long as they are out of the household and out of danger. The problem is, I still live with the same people who abused me, and I'm still a minor, but the abuse stopped 3 years back. Does he still have to report that? I don't want him to. I really feel bad about it and I want someone to know and help me.

 

[digger]

It would probably be best to ask him for more clarification on what he does and doesn't have to report before you share anything more with him, although this seems fairly clear I'm afraid.

as long as they are out of the household and out of danger.

The fact that you are still living in the household where the abuse occured and are still a minor, I think would mean he would be obliged to report, yes.

 

[void]

I just had my first therapy appointment, and my next one is coming up soon. At the end of the sess...

@Mafia_Science :hug:

1. I'm sry you were abused.
2. You are brave for wanting to open up about it.
3. Your T. is required by law to report in this situation...there is no question.

This situation is VERY complex and you need help with it.
You and anyone who helps you MUST keep you SAFE.

If it was sexual abuse, then what happened to you was a crime.
If it was and you tell your T. , your T. must inform the police.
You said that the abuse stopped. Does anyone in your family(other than your abuser)know what happened?
Are they on your side?
Will they protect you?
How will your abuser react if people start asking questions?

I only ask these things because I want you to be 100% safe.:hug:
I don't want to scare you, but I also don't want this to get out of control.

Please tell us more about your life situation.
We will listen.:)

 

[Mafia_Science]

@void

There was no sexual abuse.
Nobody except the abuser knows, and they act like nothing ever happened.
The abuser will not react well if people start asking questions. The abuser was my parent, and they would feel betrayed for taking care of me and raising me, just to have me turn on them. I honestly don't think it would do me any right to report. I don't want to make the trauma real again and bring proof of it back into my life now.

The abuse has stopped, and there's no chance of it starting up again, since I'm no longer small enough for the abuser to hurt me. I thought therapists only had to report if anyone could be in danger (which I'm not anymore). There's no way I can tell anyone in real life about what happened if they will report it. Although I am really majorly suffering by keeping this all to myself, I can't let the law get involved in this because it would only cause more pain. I just want someone to know what happened and help me process all that happened and help stop my symptoms. I probably will never be able to tell the whole story to my therapist. I can tell him that I did experience a traumatic event, but I can't tell him about it. I can give him basic outlines, like it was human-inflicted, in my early childhood up to the beginning of my adolescence, and how I felt during that time, but I'm afraid that's all I'll be able to tell him. I probably will never be able to tell anyone the whole story, and I should keep what happened to me to myself.

Thank you so much for caring :hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

You are in a very difficult situation. Might I suggest that if you need to talk about it, or work out feelings around it, we do have the anonymous part of the forum here. Just until you turn 18. Just remember, you don't owe loyalty to someone who abused you, period.

 

[joeylittle]

The abuse has stopped, and there's no chance of it starting up again, since I'm no longer small enough for the abuser to hurt me. I thought therapists only had to report if anyone could be in danger (which I'm not anymore). There's no way I can tell anyone in real life about what happened if they will report it. Although I am really majorly suffering by keeping this all to myself, I can't let the law get involved in this because it would only cause more pain. I just want someone to know what happened and help me process all that happened and help stop my symptoms.

I'm really sorry you're in a tough spot. I would encourage you to do some googling around about mandatory reporter laws in your state. It really can vary place to place, and you might find some information that actually helps you. This link might be a good place to start: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/state/

I'd also encourage you to be very explicit with your therapist - that you want to process what happened and alleviate your symptoms, but you are unwilling to risk your confidentiality.

My heart really goes out to you. I was in a completely different situation than yours (when I was a minor), but I lived in a state that had very strong reporting laws, even back when I was young. I couldn't get medical help without putting myself at risk. It really, really pisses me off, still, that there wasn't anywhere I could get help and have my privacy respected/protected.

Laws are also different with health care providers and spiritual advisors. I don't know if you have a religion, but there are some states where what is said in confession remains completely confidential, regardless of the laws that other people (like therapists and doctors and teachers) are subject to. I have no idea if just being able to talk about it would help, but that's a different route.

PM me if you'd like help searching for the right information; I'm not a lawyer, but I'm a decent researcher.

 

[void]

@void

There was no sexual abuse.
Nobody except the abuser knows, and they act...

If you would like to tell your story and get some compassionate feedback, you can tell us what happened in this thread - or - you can start a private conversation with me and we could discuss it privately if you wish.
I will never disclose or judge you.
I will leave that entirely to your good judgement.
:)

 

[Rumors]

You could also do something like feeling the story as if it happened to a friend, "I have a friend and her dad would beat her up for spilling milk. What should she do?"
I can understand making things worse and I can understand the warped perception that adults have, however I can also tell you from experience that not dealing with things can mean that you suffer. I would point blank ask your therapist if he would report your parent. You need to find some way to talk about it and get it out. Hiding things and keeping secrets only perpetuates the shame involved and shame is an incredibly destructive feeling.
Hope you get to a good spot and can tell your story in a safe environment. Best wishes.

 

[digger]

It's a really horrible and difficult situation for you to be in. I understand the rules are set in place to protect minors, but it sadly leaves so many feeling isolated and without anyone to turn to instead. I know it was one of the factors that stopped me reaching out for help when I was younger.

Feel free not to answer, but how old are you?/How long do you have until you are no longer considered a minor?

As others have said please do keep reaching out for support here, and maybe have a look at other options that may be available to you in your area - anonymous helplines may be an option for you in the meantime. Somewhere you can share things safely.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I would ask your therapist exactly what he is mandated to report- specifically. If he would be mandated to report in this case, then you can always talk in general terms around who did the abuse. I got caught unexpectedly by mandated reporting laws and it really bothers me. Nothing was done (because there wasn't anything concrete to report and no one is in danger now), but a report was filed. Once I knew that mandated report rule, I didn't use names (mostly I don't know names anyway as I have dissociative identity disorder and it is a strict rule internally never to mention names). But even if I suspected a name, I didn't say it, but could talk about things related to it. You could also just make up a first name if you needed to use a name. It may be just as important to get out your feelings and focus on how to help you in this current place in your life without actually going into specific details. Just some thoughts- hope you figure out how to best get the help you need.

 

[Powder]

I'm so sorry that you are still having to live with an abusive parent. I have had to do that.

I was told by my therapist that I had to get away and cut all ties to heal.

And I didn't see any way, financially, I was ready to do that. I wasn't. But my therapist was correct, in that, when I finally cut ties, healing began to really happen. It took me a long, long time to get to that point because I had a lot of self-growth and financial independence to develop first. PTSD was a set back during college, which made it take even longer than normal.

My advice is to never ever punish yourself for just speaking your truth. You can say or do anything you think is best for you.
To feel free to do that, you may have to eventually leave, depending on your feelings and situation.

I wish you the best recovery possible, and I'm here to say, "Well Done" on the amazing steps and work you have put in so far. I know from personal experience how brave and strong someone has to be to step away from an abusive parent.

 

[Stickler]

...often, just because the physical abuse stops? Usually the psychological abuse continues...

Now psychological abuse generally isn't something the law will be interested in doing anything about, nor would it generally be reported, even if it's often just as mentally damaging as being beaten.

...So if mental abuse is ongoing you might talk about that?

Too, do post on the forum. We don't legally know who you are.
There's a number of minor folks on here, and I am glad they have people to vent to.
Just being a teenager is hard enough under normal circumstances...with added trauma? Ack!