It's OK to set boundaries with him. Boundaries aren't restrictions placed on him, rather limits you set for yourself. Like, you don't say to him "you can't yell at me". You say to yourself and him "if you yell, I will leave the room. I will not tolerate yelling, name calling etc." It is your limit.
That's the only way to keep your sanity. If you don't have limits, he could very well turn you into a doormat or break your spirit completely. Should you make allowances for his PTSD? Absolutely, but not if they can jeopardize your mental health or well being.
Remember what they tell you on the plane before take off... Put on your oxygen mask before helping others. It's hard to support him if you're a hot mess too.
This is our routine when my vet lashes out. I immediately stop him. I'll even say "stop" or put my hand up in a stop gesture. Then I tell him " I love you very much, but I can't listen to you yell at me. Call me when you can talk." Then I remove myself from the situation. I do not argue. I don't engage. I don't justify my actions. I leave. It keeps me safe, and it keeps him from doing or saying things he may regret. I do it every time he lashes out. Every single time. I do not tolerate yelling in my face or aggression.
Lashing out is a stress reaction, and you can't reason or argue with a stress reaction. It's like throwing gasoline on a fire.
