Just Another Thread

[anonymous]

Just another thread. Just another day.

Not suicidal, exactly. I dwell on it more than I ought to. I do not have plans, I really don't. But damn it's appealing. How I think of it is like doing my time. Just waiting, doing my time until I'm done. With the exception of not knowing how long of a sentance I have. It's so f*cking
Bleak and depressing.

I can feel a wave of relief flow over me if I imagine my death, I know that is wrong. Immediately after that I break down in uncontrollable tears.

I am not looking for anything in particular, but I really needed to vent it.

Love to all

 

[anonymous]

I have severe suicidal ideation and I so get everything you are saying.

 

[anonymous]

OP here. Yep and I don't know about you, but posting here is a defeat in itself. I feel like a pansy, posting anonymously. Not saying that's your case at all. But I feel weak and spineless. Just admitting that I want to be done, that I am too f*cking weak to carry on. I am supposed to be able to take it.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote........."posting here is a defeat in itself. "

I don't find it that way at all really, I find posting on here very helpful for me.

As at least the folk in here "can understand" what your saying, which I think is better than talking to a therapist. (I had my sessions stopped after a few of them, it seems I wasn't responding quick enough?)

Plus, you get to know what other folk are thinking as well, we help each other out.

 

[anonymous]

OP: Very true @Gadgie, only place I can say this safely. It's a damn shame. It's a defeat in a sense that this shit is beating me to death. Likes you say, I ain't alone. Still blows for us all

 

[StephenStevens]

These are some really dark thoughts...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I can feel a wave of relief flow over me if I imagine my death,

Common for those that are set to die. When i have it planned and set to put it in motion i also have a very big wave of relief....

 

[Gadgie]

Quote......."These are some really dark thoughts..."

As long as they just stay as thoughts, and not carried through, we all have thoughts like that as some time, when things get us really down.

But, as long as we can bring them out in the open, and talk about them, we find that we were not alone at all.

 

[anonymous]

Existing freaking sucks. The despair within my soul is becoming increasingly intolerable.

Bleak future lies ahead, one crash after the next. How many meltdowns before it becomes too many? When is f*cking enough, enough?

When bad days still outweighs the good ones, what do you do? Keep pressing forward like a god damn robot. Mother....

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I understand. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I understand too. Drawn here today thanks to worrying about my future financial situation and I guess other stuff too. Just that big worry that I'll remain stuck this way. For now, I'm keeping my chin up.

 

[anonymous]

I now wake up everyday in hopes of meeting my death. I see opportunities and hope for them. Just to accidentally die would be f*cking awesome. A win, win.