Everyone Please Read!!!

[lostforgottensoul]

Ok, even though Im yet again re-triggered; i took a deep breath and i think i can keep my head this time.

For those of you that are annoyed or whatever because i post a lot in my replies, PLEASE BLOCK ME NOW! So it has come to my attention that people are finding it annoying, off putting, or in the words said yesterday "hijacking a thread" due to me posting a lot in my posts, that WILL NOT change. Actually, in the words of my therapist "post more".

The actual posting a lot of words, rambling, posting a lot of my past, etc and the conversation that goes along with that is the only reason that i was able to take the HUGE steps foward that i have in therapy that have caused movement when i was stuck for over a year and now its halted because a few are annoyed.

Diaries: They dont help me, they never have. I dont know why. I do understand that people read and reply to the diaries, ive been in there, a lot, i do understand how they work (i lurked a while before i joined, therefore not as new as most think) and though people at times reply, they dont near as often reply as they do in a thead, thus why i have never started one. I believe it is a mixture of my own words and other people's replies and suggestions, more back and forth conversations that cause movement. Arent we all here to get better?

And risking trauma comparing, which i dont like to do, no one can deny that being raised in a Satanic cult, all that goes along with it, the brainwashing, it has "special needs" and PTSD, though my most promenant disorder, isnt my only disorder. And i am not here to make you happy, to make you even like me (though i would like that), im here to fix me and hopefully help others along the way.

But what I REFUSE to do is to change what helps me the most. Talking it all out along with others. Please, i dare any of you to try to try to let someone convince you that the sky is green and the grass is blue and maybe you will see what im trying to fight in my own head. So no, i wont be too scared to talk it out in posts and have conversations and talk it out more and have more conversations at the risk of annoying you. I think me getting better overides your annoyance, and if you cant handle that than by all means block me.

I think it might be time for a break but i dont want to feel like im not wanted here because my posts are too long and bulky. My long and bulky posts made the biggest movements in therapy that ive ever had since ive been in therapy and that was only 2 weeks ago, so if that annoys you, tough. Get over it or block me now because its not going to change!

And to me it is BEYOND ridiculous that i even feel i need to create yet another thread about this. Block me or shut up about it!

 

[Stickler]

...Please stay.

If my ADHD can't handle long posts at any given time, I reserve the right to skim, tho...SQUIRREL!

(But that's just how my brain works...or stops work and goes for lunch...)

 

[Fadeaway]

I know you are upset, so take a big deep breath.

One thing you have to remember on this site is that we all have PTSD. We are here because we have issues. Many of us, especially those of us who had childhood trauma have learned some pretty shitty communication and coping skills. This can lead to unintentional conflict. I am seeing a lot of people feeding off of other people symptoms in both the thread that started the issue and your goodbye thread.

SImply put, sometimes you are going to step on someoneelses trauma, and sometimes they are going to step on yours. 99% of the time the intentions behind it will be innocent. When it's not? Staff is great at taking care of those issues.

I have told you before that my ear is always ready to listen when you need to disscuss stuff. I think you are a great person who has had their sense of reality warrped by evil people. You are in a real struggle sorting out what you were taught as fact versus what you are now learning to is real fact. You know this, so my inclusion of that was more for others.

The problem is that There are others involved in this situation that i like and care about too. I just hope that everyone can look past thier own issues for a moment and see that we are all struggling with issuess and not everything we say, always comes across the wway we mean it too.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

...Please stay.

If my ADHD can't handle long posts at any given time, I reserve the right to skim, t...

This wasnt an im gonna leave post aa last night i was tailspinning, tonight im just extremely f*cking annoyed that peole are taking THE MOST PETTY shit and then blasting me. I didnt even deal with this sort of petty shit on the forum i moderated and then managed and then it wasnt even a mental health fourm.

I dont care if people skim, and i know you said that to make me smile, im just super annoyed, heart racing, an hour past bedtime praying that 2 anxiety meds and my sleeping meds are enough to lower my anxiety enough so i can sleep, and why? Because i talk a lot in my posts, which is how i made the step i did recently which now feel all for not because now im back to feeling only the self anger and aelf rage and the pain has now sunk back in.

Its just so petty. How old are we, mostly? Lasr i looked we have the majority on here are adults. Can we please act like adults and stop blasting me?

And to note, thats the last time i reach out ro someone whom had previous hurt me, to try to mend fences and help them in return.

 

[Friday]

And to me it is BEYOND ridiculous that i even feel i need to create yet another thread about this. Block me or shut up about it!

So you're allowed to say whatever it is you want, need, feel like... But everyone else is supposed to mind your triggers, never say anything you don't like, & STFU?

We all have PTSD here. Within the guidelines of the community constitution & minding when directed by staff, we all have the right to speak our minds. If you think a post is breaking the rules, report it, let staff handle it. They're good at that. As for everything else? There are a lot of different voices here. A lot of different backgrounds, experiences, & outlooks. Take what you like & discard the rest.

The only person I see blasting anyone, on any thread, is you.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I know you are upset, so take a big deep breath.

One thing you have to remember on this site is that w...

The first one blocked may get unblocked but the second one i reached out to tonight to try to help and get blasted. For what? For talking too much? My god, can we find anyrhing else to f*cking fight over.

Im in tears now and i dont even cry. I just feel that the big step i JUST took is now undone. Ive re-supressed before when my theeapist couldnt get the insurance company to okay another year and i had thought i was gonna loose therapy and that took months to undo, im feeling myself re-supressing again because i just kept feeling attacked over and over...he was mad because i used a Rovin Williams quote basically stating its their move, i made the move to try to mend fenses and to try to help him.and it backfired, he blocked me apparently and i keep getting re-annoyed over the alerts of his postings when he cant see me anyway so i blocked him. But in my mind, to be blocked then i did something wrong.

Im about to throw my phone if it keeps hitting the wrong letters!

I know you're there and thank you. And i really dont need a break from the site, the site was helping me and talking about it, however long the post is, was helping me...being blasted over the dumbest shit i can think of is whats not helping and re-triggering me. Ive never been wanted anywhere, why would i think if be wanted here? Thats whats running through my brain because of how long my posts are. Not wanted anywhere, better off dead...thats where it goes (no thats not a suicidal threat) its a discription of how being blasted over how long my posts are is doing to me.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

So you're allowed to say whatever it is you want, need, feel like... But everyone else is supposed to mind your triggers, never say anything you don't like, & STFU?

That is NOT what i said. You took that out of context, i never said "mind my triggers"...block me now or STFU about my posts being too long. I never said "dont trigger me". How i write my posts, as you've been part of (though i dont have the abilty to put "the long version" in my post. That long post you wrote in my thead is the one that helped the most and it was the longest one.

Basically stop blaating me for writing long posts is that IN context

I have never nor i would ever tell someone to not post so much. Since ive been here ive been asked to not group text.and have more paragrphs, rhough in a hurry to post on a break at work i have, then got blamed for :hijacking.a.thread even though a conversation equals more than one but im blasted because i write the most and now "dont post so much" where does this stop? Since.i have been here i have NEVER commented about how.someone posts, never.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @lostforgottensoul . Not sure if this is helpful & my mind can't process long text but here I'll try (not sure if this has been mentioned..)

Hijacking a thread (in my understanding) is not a moral judgment or terrible reprimand, it just means it has gone off topic to individuals' concerns that have lost focus directed to the OP. That's the time one, or the other person, or both in the side conversation can end their self-focus (for lack of any term). Or at any time the OP can interject and end it, if they wish (because they created the thread). However, the people with the side conversation can PM, or create their own threads (as you have here). That's all. It has nothing to do with triggers (this whole site is designed to trigger which is good, in that we are exposed but learn to recognize how much we can take, step back, deal with the triggering, come back if we wish), or how much is posted, just the basic question: are (we) still remembering & trying to help as our focus the OP (back to them, not us). If it's more self-referential it's recommended to create your own thread.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

The only person I see blasting anyone, on any thread, is you.

It was on a different thread, i can copt and past it for you if you would like. I.created this thread due to two mights in a row being told HOW to post, HOW MUCH to post, WHAT to post. I have already blocked.those involved but this was a thread created to publically state evwrything ive repeated.so.many times and that im not.changimg the way i post.and that annoys people, block.me.now. i have always found us on good terms @FridayJones but if this pisses you off then you can block me. Im.dond trying to.explain mysslf.over and over and i.dont tell you how to post, why is suddenly okay for.others.to do.so.

And to take what i like a discard the rest would be awesome if i knew how to do that without being triggerez. Ivd been here what, a monrh and.a.half and thougj have missundersrood intent, i appolofized and we all moved on. This is the first fime ive been this triggered back to back and no one needs to mind my triggers but if you care, its from feeling very unwanted here because im annoying people by this apparent (unwrittwn rule (and no.im not saying anyone made me feel that).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Hi @lostforgottensoul . Not sure if this is helpful & my mind can't process long text...

Yes my orginal reply to a thread is to help the OP, why reply if i dont. By helping them im helping me but its a f*cking forum, conversations happen but that was last night's complaint, tonight's complaint was that mu replies are too long. All i have to go on is my.own experience.so i'll use .my.own experience in the reply my entire intention in any reply to any.thread is to help the OP,.not me.

I have no.idea why i.though this was gonna last.

 

[Fadeaway]

@lostforgottensoul I don't know if he blocked you or not, but I did advise him to stop responding to you as you were triggering each other. So blame me for that.

@FridayJones I know you are just calling it like you see it and just being well, you. But I really want to just see this situation desscalated, because I am worried about them being banned and I would hate to see that, so I thing the main goal right now is to get people calm so they can think clearly and rationaly, which isn't haappening at the moment. You know as much as I do that when emotions are this high certian parts of the brain are more activated and others not so much.

 

[Fadeaway]

I have no.idea why i.though this was gonna last.

You are in a self destructive spiral at the moment. That is a self fuffilling prophecy righ tthere. You need to take a step back and igore the people who are triggering you until you are in a place where you are calm.