Everyone Please Read!!!

[lostforgottensoul]

@lostforgottensoul I don't know if he blocked you or not, but I did advise him to st...

I'll leave before im banned. Im not trying to cause trouble, im upset that people are telling me how to post (when i dont do that to anyone else) when how i post and the conversarion that @FridayJones was part.of and im sorry but i have no idea how to put a "long verison" thing in my post. If im causinf trouvle.then i'll.just leave. Thats not even what this thread was about but the last that i want to.do.is cause trouble and be a.nusance.

I reached out fo him trying fo mend fences anx trying to help and fhat bif me.in the ass. Note.taken, dont.reach out to people.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

You are in a self destructive spiral at the moment. That is a self fuffilling prophecy righ tthere. Yo...

Or i can just accept that every single time i try to get support it blows up in my face.

I wouldnt tell you or anyone how to post especially if thats whats helping.

Self spiral downward, story of my life.

 

[Fadeaway]

No, you wouldn't but some people do and that is on them not you. What is on you is to look past it and try to see if maybe that is coming from a place of their own hurt and trauma.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have so many typos necause the 2 anxiety meds and sleeping meds are working and i have to be up in 6 hrs.

I.dont think anyone sees what im trying to.say and im done trying.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

No, you wouldn't but some people do and that is on them not you. What is on you is to look past it and try to see if maybe that is coming from a place of their own hurt and trauma.

Okay, teach me how to do that.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am going to have to think on that one, but I guess it starts with awareness.

 

[Fadeaway]

You don't need to leave, you just need to get some rest and TLC. DO some self-care exercises and treat yourself well. Once you are in a better frame of mind you will be able to express yourself more clearly.

 

[Neverthesame]

I have conversed with you more on the technical aspects of life than psychological. I have certainly read many of your posts about your experiences. Though I don't comment.

Here's why.

I have no idea what you have been through. I understand it in the most basic sense. I read the words, I can let my imagination paint the picture, but I can't begin to imagine how it must be, to have been there.

It's the same to me as a war story. I can read the words, looks up meanings to terms I'm unfamiliar. But I don't really understand what it's like.

Honestly, the worst bit of my parents, parenting. I was a latch key kid, when I was very young, my father is an absent alcoholic. He's got some anger issues, but he's not outwardly abusive to anyone. He gets loud, irritable, then disappears till he calms down. Doesn't hit, insult, yell at anyone (if he thinks they can hear him). I can't complain, I don't complain.

Mum, was quite distant in my early teenage years, but while it was hard to understand then, as an 11 year old kid. The fact is, she was battling stage 4 bowel cancer. Something I was in total denial of the severity of. She's recovered from it now, plus a recent secondary breast cancer diagnosis (she's kicked cancers ass twice now.) f*cking awesome!

(Sorry, your not the only one who rambles. Certainly doesn't offend me. Glad to know I'm not the only long winded one here. I also like the spell check idea. This would have been posted 20 minutes sooner, if I didn't have to go back and fix every word twice.)

Anyways... The point.

The other main reason I hesitate to comment. I don't want to ask for explanation of the things I don't understand. Which may sound weird to some. But doing so, is something I find knee jerk offensive.

This is a behaviour learned from having been in emergency services. Even though it was a brief period. Almost every time I make the mistake of mentioning it. Immediately after comes the ass with the (while unintentional, but still.) awful f*cking question. "Hey, what's the worst thing you've ever seen?" Except for here. It's never happened here.

I therefore am of the mind, if I can't understand it, don't make it worse by saying something stupid. (Right or wrong, that's how I think.)

Lord knows I sympathise. To the best of my ability. I have more than once had to close the window, and walk away. For some of the things I have read here have made me feel so much anger and sorrow for whom I know to be kind hearted wonderful people.

I don't know if it means anything to you, but I am not silent because I don't like you. Far, far from it.

Hopefully I made a bit of sense.

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

Hmm I don't know if this is a good idea to post this but I think it could be helpfull.

I sort of agree with Friday with how this thread is going and having read the other thread a bit not all of it. It was getting repetitive and going nowhere.

We've all done a bit of thread jacking I know I do sometimes others do it sometimes too. If someone called me out on theadjacking and I wasn't doing well they mightn't get the best response but if I was well I might be like what the....where *reads thread* oh yeah my bad.

Now posting a thread in SI section saying goodbye is going to put the shits up everyone (I understand you were in a bad place and triggered) this is NOT a dig just understand where others are coming from.

Now reacting how you have over a small thing that could've easily been resolved (I know there are no small things that are easily resolved in the world of PTSD but this did get very blown up very quickly for a small thing, although it could've been handled better by others) this says to me I can't constructively criticise you in any posts in the future. This hypothetical constructive criticism may be the best thing you need to hear to make you feel better, to help in your recovery, it could be one of those moments that change your future for the better (well I'm not that good but others here totally are). But I feel like I can't say it because this is how you react.

I know where you are I've been there. I think it was a year ago I was quite paranoid and very symptomatic and I basically told everyone in the forum to go f*ck themselves :oops: Not my finest moment. Not that I'm saying that's what your doing but I'm sure we felt the same.

Also for context my abusive brother used to threaten suicide when anyone called him up on anything (again this is not what I think you're doing, as a trigger of mine I see it where it's not, realise that and try to work through it) so I feel compelled to comment. I absolutely hate conflict so I'm quite nervous about the response this is going to get, but the point is,is this truly a terrible situation are you really being beaten down over such a small thing or is this an opportunity to learn and grow?

Is it a bad thing if I see a bit of conflict every now and then? Or is it a bit of practice for the moments I need to stand up for myself? :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes sometimes we all feel really lousy, & very raw. Stepping back can help, forgiving others & ourselves too, for misunderstandings. I know for myself I prefer sometimes to listen.

Like you said @lostforgottensoul you've had great progress lately. This doesn't change or stop that, & won't stop that. It takes a lot out of me when I have progress, too. Maybe just digest that progress a bit, & help it gel. :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I am going to have to think on that one, but I guess it starts with awareness.

Uh huh, self awareness, yet again something someone has that i dont yet. I have no idea how to allow people to 1) own their own actions, thoughts, beleiefs, such as being annoyed of me texting long and 2) not thinking that i didnt do something wrong (aka "bad) and 3) that they can go away and though it may hurt, the entire world wont crash on me, nor can i see that any one stays in my life or any form of support attempt will be there and be supportivr or understand (so far not one person bit my therapist has understood me) thus i feel this support will go away or end; im always waiting for the other shoe to drop...therefore putting the 3 together "I was a horrible person because my posts are long and i am making everyone annoyed and eventually they are gonna block me from the site and then im back to not having anyone" thats what runs through my mind, in every form, then it escalates, must punish for being bad. I am not asking anyone to walk on eggshells or to "mind my triggers", just stating that most people, so far have assumed that i have skills that i dont have yet. Just like in messages, or maybe it was in a thread; i dont remember, but anyway, someone said "it seems you really see what was done to you was wrong." ???? Im glad it seems that way because i still, in no way at all, see that what was done to me was wrong. I see it as "horrible" in the sense of if i had heard about it done to someone else or id stop it or report it if it was another child but because it was me it was ok and wasnt horrible and i see myself as different than everyone else, having completely no value.

What i was asking was "i dont tell you how to post or how little or how much, dont tell me either" and i am saying that in a thread because it seems to have gotten brought up two nights in a row when i thought i made it super clear in the replies in my 'goodbye' thread that i wasnt gonna change that. Not yet anyway, because its working. Im not changing that because my words along with A LOT of replies (thus why diaries wont work, 1 or 2 replies if lucky in there...that wont work for me) and the re-read of them 50 thousand times is how a got some movement.

Take any very well brainwashed person and they will argue you blue in the face no matter how irrational it seems because in their mind, it sounds rational and right. I have to write and write a lot, read the replies and converse back and forth on those replies to cause some abilty to challenge my own beliefs. For anyone that has no clue what im talking about, read and just look at the back and forth on this thread which started my big step i took recently and which helped me to come to the biggest self awareness that ive ever had: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/how-do-i.58252/ 3 pages of back and forth LARGE posts and conversation made some things click. This how I get better, this is what best helps me and im not gonna change that. Now thats an examole of my own thread BUT it has happened on other's thread. Though it started a side convsation, which all anyone had to do was politly ask to take the conversation to messages or on another thread and not used the eords "you hijacked the tread", i would of and i just had the conversation there because thats where i was being replied to, i had no idea people had been "annoyed" until i was told i "hijacked the thread", but i learned i wasnt alone (and my first reply was answering a question that the OP asked); but i do learn in the back and forth conversation. Now im more aware that if a conversation is seeming to "take over a thread" that its best to start a new one. That issue i thought was over and then im asked to change the entire way i post that best helps me because it annoys other people. No. NO! And the reason i posted this was to make it known i wont stop what best helps me and if that annoys you then go ahead and block me so that you dont get annoyed or shut up about it (it being how much i post in my posts). Thats it. Thats all this post was about. I dont ask any one here to change anything let alone how and how much or little they post! Its like, lets find the smallest thing and then blast her (on a different thread) about it.

 

[Outsider]

I have so many typos necause the 2 anxiety meds and sleeping meds are working and i have to be...

As an outsider,without knowing you,and just by what I have been reading,it seems you are attention seeking.

You claim you don't compare traumas,but be honest,you are implying that what you have been through is worse than what anyone else has been through.You use it as an excuse for your behavior,seem to expect special treatment because of it.

I am sure you are not the only person that has experienced the amount of abuse you have.I know there are members that are DID,which would mean extreme,prolonged abuse.I don't see them posting their stories all over the forum,using it as an excuse,etc.

You say diaries don't help,yet you have not started one to actually prove that statement.Is it because you really think you wouldn't get as much attention in that section?If you are truly here to help yourself maybe you need to give it a try,work on that,focus on that instead of these attention seeking threads you start?

You start threads and then get upset with the replies.A simple solution is to stop starting threads that are going to lead to that.Start ones that will be helpful to you,not harmful.This thread,for example,is seeking attention,seeking controversy,just the title itself sparks attention,exactly what you were seeking in the first place.You want people to pity you,coddle you,validate your feelings,but all it is doing is causing more problems for you.

My advice?Just stop doing this,focus on yourself and your healing instead of going on and on about the people and comments you don't like.