Everyone Please Read!!!

[lostforgottensoul]

You aren't here to teach others lessons. You are learning to be focussed on helping yourself finally.

Im not sure why you're replies are so hostile (or thats how they feel to me so thats how im precieving all of your replies in this thread) but i would think that even you would agree that by reading replies to another's thread you can learn aomething yourself, correct? That is all i meant by "So ita a learning experience and if im thinking correcly, not just for myself."

Also its assumed that i posted this for attention and I DID NOT, its assumed that i posted a lot of my story on post ON PURPOSE and didnt even know i was doing it. So theres a lot to learn by everybody. But im not trying to teach anyone anything, just was stating that wveyone can learn from another-s mistakes.

 

[The Albatross]

Okay so... this is why I tend to stick more to diary sections that other topic sections. I think, weighing here, it is pretty crystal clear that lostforgottensoul's approach to posting is her own. Read it or don't but outside of moderator comments... just let her be and let this person have some peace and calm.

I ain't gonna school ya @lostforgottensoul - your process is your process. You said it succinctly enough when you said, "For those of you that are annoyed or whatever because i post a lot in my replies, PLEASE BLOCK ME NOW! So it has come to my attention that people are finding it annoying, off putting, or in the words said yesterday "hijacking a thread" due to me posting a lot in my posts, that WILL NOT change. Actually, in the words of my therapist "post more"."

Early on and many years ago... I would get my nose bent and try to "fix"/be understood by an entire group. Til someone pulled me aside quietly and explained the addendum to "ya can't please all the people all the time". It is the law of thirds. One third of peeps you interact with will like you no matter what. One third no matter what you say or do won't... straight up/nothing you can do about it. One third are neutral and don't swing one way or the other. That helped me A LOT. I don't expend time or energy on the one third cuz I'm not gonna sway them no matter what I say or do... and I'm gonna work myself up into a tizzy if I endeavor to try... unless it's MY thread. When it's my thread/I'm the opening poster, then I reserve the possibility of explaining further. Like you have done here on this thread.

You are not obligated to join/rejoin every person who posts on this thread... you said your piece. Let it go and let this discussion die out. Whatever occurred, it's over and you set your boundary. Now it's other forum members who need to decide to respect it or not.

Nough said?

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I'm responding for a few reasons. I don't want you to believe I have you on ignore or otherwise have made some statement in exiting, for one. Also don't want others to misperceive me as having only interacted to be "right" or any such simple motivation. (For the record, yeah, my attachment issues made/make me wish to discuss them in a caring context with others who might help me with them as part of the compassionate community I know this place is.)

I want to say, you are very brave and bold. I for one actually read this thread title not as demanding anything (It says please) and I am impressed with your determination to have a voice and be heard. Given how terrified it would appear you are, there is something commendable in it. I think the reason you have so many people reading is because people want you to succeed in having that voice. No one has suggested to my knowledge that you should leave the site.

Is for taking constructive criticism -- I literally do not disagree with anything anyone else has posed in replies, which seems like a lot of constructive criticism, not antagonism. That is of course much much easier to read people that way when I'm not the object of criticism and not feeling potentially cornered by people, etc. I would suggest if you're looking for single steps to work on, as you clearly are hellbent on working and learning, would be to find ways to step back and imagine all commentary as constructive criticism from people who would not be reading if they didn't care.

As for attention seeking and gaslighting etc, I think some of this is in the eye of the beholder, but be open to the idea that you might be doing unhealthy things and that those things may sometimes be counterproductive even if you can't know better ways until you learn them.

i take in ALL opinions and i take constructive crisism well

Incorrect. <----- constructive crictism

. Actually without the replies im back to a diary and that doesnr help me at all.

People not responding directly does not mean people are not listening nor not responding via other means. I believe you would have at least as many people reading, but you are of course free to choose what forms are helping you most.

i think i kept my head well and didnt tail spin until the replies started to come in.

That sounds true. Maybe an advantage to having some place where fewer people are commenting at once.

Thank you for this reply.

Thank you again as this is a very good example of constructive feedback rather than destructive!

Gratitude is good, let's people know you are listening and not assuming bad will.

Last point -- I'm learning a ton from your being here and writing and from others responses. That is the value of a community. I don't imagine I'm ever gonna get any direct responses to my own posting about attachment, buried as it is in, yes, a ton of drama. (Drama is okay.) But I feel other people have read and indicated to me they're paying attention and I also don't require direct responses in such a situation. The responses are much larger than just replying to a post. As you have correctly pointed out many times in your self-advocacy, you need to be writing and this is all part of seeking understanding. If you need to learn by generating a lot of drama, hearing what others have to say offering guidance and reprimands, then stepping back to reconsider your approach, I say do so. People can be annoyed on one level while at a much higher level rooting for you.

I hope my words help in some way. Do take what helps and ignore what doesn't if you are able. I'm gonna go tend to my own stuff so am not planning on directly interacting on this thread beyond probably reading. If you therefore quote me or call me out in ways that would logically ask a response, I might feel that is gaslighting as I've indicated here I need to bow out. Bowing out does not mean ignoring your postings moving forwards. Just that I've had plenty of my say and you need community supports. You can of course respond however you wish but please refrain from things that coerce me into responding by implying things in my words you know I will want to defend. I have a lot of experience with someone who knew how to push my buttons and used this without conscience and one of the many reasons I'm here is to learn how to not let someone do that.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Sorry to cross post, just saw yours Alba. Mixed messages, but yours is good advice. I do presume on the forums that we're all allowed to post and not be told we can't unless we're mods. I'm only trying to help too.

 

[The Albatross]

Sabe'/Understand except the part that said, "but please refrain from things that coerce me into responding by implying things in my words you know I will want to defend". No one here is a mind reader and this is a spectrum community. So just bringing that to you're attention.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Whatever occurred, it's over and you set your boundary. Now it's other forum members who need to decide to respect it or not. Nough said?

Nough said when i learned what my mistake actually was hours ago, i didnt do it on purpose, i learned and will be more aware of it (not that i wont slip and do it not being conscience of it from time to time) but yes, id like to get back to constructive discussion on here so thank you for that.

P.S: Diaries only dont work for me because in my therapist's words im brainwashed and need a lot of countering words, ideas, discussion etc to counter what i was taught and the more the better and in diaries, if you are lucky to get a reply, its here or there. I need replies to help me challenege my own thought; the more the better. Its like if your core belief was that the grass is blue and the sky is green, the only things you are gonna write about in diaries is the blue grass and green sky; im trying to challenge that by people stating the opposite or other ways to think of my own deep down core beliefs. If other people say it, the more the better, then i can then challenge on my own; thus my big move recently, which happened here through conversation in threads. Thats why i havent and wont start one.

 

[anthony]

I have closed this thread, it is attention seeking, it is blaming towards other members, and you need to learn ASAP that you conform to this communities rules, you do not blame others for how you take something, and you learn to comply with community policies.

When in doubt about any response, ASK what they meant. You have staff's attention for being disruptive towards the overall community... so you have achieved that. This community is not for you to rampage across, or demand anything from another member or guest here.