Lingual Patterns And Tactics

[Deleted member 24866]

Here's the thing, its a double edged sword. People hate trouble makers and do not want to hire trouble makers. He does it to males as well as females and is on the verge of retirement. I have mixed feelings about wanting to pursue it farther honestly. At least he no longer insinuates to some customers that the staff are whores after I confronted him, and that they might have a shot at hanging out with me.. :/ His wife also works there, she saw him once trailing his damn finger down my arm. One time he touched me and I threw his arm back defensively. Just the little things, swats on the ass with menus when he walks by and I am taking an order. He does not get it. Comes from the "mad men" generation and thinks he's looking good and some cassonova in his late 60's. I think the public is not blind either. In some respects I think the public is onto it also. And the time I confronted him for making or insinuating I was some kind of whore I did it out in the open also. People come in near close and they stare em down because they want to go home.. lol. Its kind of a joke to work here. BUT - I need a car, and the security it offers. Just biding my time. The kids that work here will learn the hard way when they go somewhere that actually monitors. For instance after threatening to report one to the department of state for sexual harassment he shortly quit, got another job and was fired due to his work ethic. It was horrid when I first got here. Dealing drugs out of the back of the house, alcohol on the premises. It has improved a lot. But as the dust settled after I made a big deal, it took a long time, and a lot of this harassing behavior got worse. I am just biding my time.. But God help me to secure a vehicle fast - before the owner himself drives away all the business. LOL.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I've been a useful idiot for my entire adult life. A really really really smart useful idiot. Been taken advantage of and been drawn to people whose MO is to exploit. And I end up lashing out eventually when I feel outrage at how I'm being treated, as if I was dealing with fair people in the first place. It is extremely hard to be in a group and not realize all such things, can be terrifying. At the same time like FJ says spending more time with people helps a lot. Making efforts to root out the dark thoughts and impulses in your own mind helps. What's maybe permanently screwed up in me, as with many people who have grown up knowing abuse, is seeing the good in people too easily and not protecting from the bad that's also in them.

I know I'm not saying anything anyone doesn't know. And one might wonder why I'm saying it. Appreciate this thread though.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

also, due to getting out of the horridly abusive relationship and several hospitalizations, I need the time in on my resume to make it look better than just short bouts of employment. :/ The end was certainly a trigger and for the safety of my child during visitations and trusting a man who had blacked out with the child when the little one was a tiny baby, having to trust him alone with him. One day it was so bad I was less than a minute from my second job and turned around to camp out with the baby till the police made me leave and I lost my job not giving notice. It was careless I suppose - I was running on 4 hours of sleep per night trying to pay bills. I stayed up all night compiling texts and his own confession where he choked me to blacking out and other rape data and brought it to the police- there they would not even read it --and God forbid I don't have make up on.. they think I am on meth or something.. (lol) He asked me if I had been awake 7 days.. :/ Anyhow ended up in the hospital shortly following, no money for a lawyer yada yada.. this man played horrid games. I had the two jobs, this one said they needed me back and would increase my hours and I slacked on communications with the other under the stress and relief to have promised hours. Working the long hours was getting to me and I had no time for my little one left in environments that were unwilling to get on the same page via counselor or moderator. The more time I have with my child the better. Hard trasition - that man used all the knowledge of my prior relationship and how it drove me away to do the very same thing. So now- I really don't want to hide who I was from anyone or what I went through, so as to not trust just one person with the knowledge they will twist and use for their own gain later. He literally tortured me. I was so desperate for an intact family for the sake of the child.. and due to my own shame - I put up with way to much. When I started him drooling over my pain.. when I quit smoking 6 days .. AND HE STARTED.. it was clear he was a sadist.. (and a stalker simultaneously, of course possibly him) I got a security system and stopped as much contact as possible. Evil man. Just freaking evil.. and lied the whole time - I f*cking hate liars. Yet these seem to be the ones society rewards. Well, at least short term.. I have been through enough hell, little stupid jabs from ignorant assholes is not going to break me. I am however grateful for this site where I can vent at will. Gracias - anyhow that explains my love of makeup..lol, especially eyeliner.. I call it an external locus of control (I don't want to look like alice cooper so it helps keep the tears back) LOL.. and besides that having astigmatism.. it helps with glare.. ask the Egyptians .. or football players.. ;) (scientific reasons.. )

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I have to say - society here itself is the biggest gaslighter of all to women.. letting men get away with this shit while institutionalizing the women and forcing pills down there throat. Can't win one way or the other- "why are you so emotional - go get evaluated take some pills and shut up" .. after years potential thinking your kids could be being molested and accepting "your diagnosis" (despite tests that say your not) and seeing they think emotions equate to mental illness- training yourself to suppress and talk rationally "you show no emotion while talking about this" - .go to the hospital..cram pills down your throat... can't win one way or the other.. common thread seems no make up.. go to the hospital.. lol.. yeh funny huh. Didn't start actually making progress on myself till I basically said - f*ck you all.. I'll go my own way. Now I am happier than I have been and more stable in years. Apparently after some investigations I have nothing to do but believe they are safe and it was a projection. The only reason I doubted myself was accepting they thought I was crazy so I must be. I am not crazy . they are... as far as justice- I will probably go to school for it so I can continue being my pattern of being a bitch at work and doing the jobs of the men who like to play games while on the jobs. maybe in the future of those letting rape back logs pile up. the only way to make this right in the long run. ;) ..science- its a beautiful thing.. eh. So is Karma. Yup - I feel better now- thanks for letting me vent. (No offense I am sure the 80/20 rules goes both ways) Or maybe the common theme is just don't expect people to care, or work. I don't know quite yet.. cookie cutter solutions cost society and persons a great deal.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I hate liars too. There's some real dividing line there for me between good and bad.

 

[joeylittle]

I stumbled on the term "hedging". A term to describe a lingual practice of in part back stabbing cowards who gossip and are kind to your face. They use the information with their friends to joke in a non direct manner, so as to not actually have to take responsibility for their actions, make you look paranoid, etc., or to have (the original intent) a coded conversation in a public space. Seems this was / is perhaps a tactic employed primarily by men as suggested (per article) via looking at lingual patterns and their evolution - in the article I read. Looking back it is not specifically men who do it and kids also employ this tactic frequently to get away with things they should not be doing.

Hedging, in and of itself, is value-neutral. To hedge is to apply non-precise modifiers to a piece of communication.

As in:

You are mistaken

vs.

I think you might be mistaken

You're talking about an interpretation on the function of hedging, when it is applied to status situations. (The only reason it matters to me to clarify this is that sometimes, hedging is useful language - people listen to it differently, in some positive and negative ways*)

I'd love to see the article you're referring to @4melissa , it sounds really interesting.

I am resourceful and intelligent and at this point pretty self sufficient. I have to be, because I guess I can be a bitch by actually wanting people at work, ..to work and do their job. Ok.. I can be a bitch.

I just wanted to comment on this - you're participating in your own discrimination by labelling some pretty good qualities (in my opinion) as being Bitch qualities. I do this to myself all the time - I'll call myself a bitch just for being direct. And then I notice, a few hours later, that I was just calling myself a name someone taught me to call myself, way back in trauma-time.

I was a 4.0 student.. all they care about is my makeup.. or making judgments about my sexuality in ignorance.

I hear you. And, I hope I'm not appearing to be judgmental - just was struck by how pervasive some of these ideas about women in society can be, that we take them on ourselves (as in, what it means to be a bitch).

Just to also say - there are things that affect men negatively, too. I don't think women have the sole claim to pain. But I don't know the male experience, so I can't comment on it.

*ref:
A paper on hedging in constructive criticism
What Linguistic Hedges Do, Psychology Today
Link Removed

 

[Deleted member 24866]

That you joeylittle for the thoughtful post and links. I can try to find the article but did not know the term at all when doing the search and I have to really strain my brain now to think of the words I used in the criteria. I do a lot of searches and reading online so my history is pretty full and I am not even sure of the day. Now it has been drawn to my attention there are thousands of articles on this, and it is fascinating really. I see I have done it and women do it as well, just not with the aim at harassment. It may take some time to find the article, and for this apologize but I will not allow myself to fall into frustration as I am working on quitting smoking right now.

I am also thankful for the feedback, and it was not my intent but I do need to work on my own speech and this is a safe place for that - to imply women "own" pain in any way or fashion. There are womens issues maybe to be explored in a separate thread. You know its like you don't have to deal with daily comments about appearance or body coming from a woman, but seldom a day goes by in public that you don't have to brush off multiple times things men say and do, and frankly there are days even a burka sounds appealing. :/

I acknowledge I derailed a bit in the following posts, but this opened up new avenues of personal consideration and for meditation for self improvement. Looking forward to reading more and again thanks.

 

[Ronin]

and frankly there are days even a burka sounds appealing. :/

Sadly that doesn't help, trust me.

In countries it's a common attire: still have a chance of getting assaulted, burka or not, for being a woman in public space. (Shock gasp, how the ever loving earth dare you? - logic.)

In where it's not common: A chance of assault combined with hate with anti-religious&anti-presumed race context.
Same applicable if one's a man wearing those 'cultural' clothes for other reasons, along side with homophobic attacks.

Predators can always find *something* that's wrong about a person, in their view.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

I believe you Cashew. That is where my new found hope in workouts and self defense teamed with confidence in my ability to survive scenarios being left for dead has helped me. Very grateful for my new hope and dedication to my own health.. looking forward to finally restoring my healing to the point of setting down cigarettes -weaning myself off to not explode on people.. down to 6, goal to be done by months end. And channeling my anger over the idiocy into said workouts.. and looking forward to adopting martial arts (formal training vs. past fight clubs) to get the anger out. Deciding how I can serve social justice best in the future hopes to return to school by fall, and current advocacy projects on womens rights - and anti-trafficking movement - and against pedos and rape culture. Provides continuity, but admittedly a little edgy.. again keep channeling angst into workouts and personal strength endeavors. After 40 years and continual exploit from men, just pretty much gave up on relationships.. fostering rather self sustainability. I have made a lot of sacrifices to barely make it.. but I am making it. Thank God. No one will understand my past anyway and done trying to make people get it, they have only used it against me. I rather choose to use it for me.. and others. Here lies my healing.. hope in change. God bless you all and thanks for the support. Not sure if this link will post.. but I will tell you possible, and inspirational. ;) Link Removed