Ignoring

[shimmerz]

Shame is like a fog that covers what is really happening inside. So glad you are getting to it Crowfeather!

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @CrowFeather thank you as I never know.

I appreciate your bravery & posting this. It helps me much as well. I love what you said here:

You've helped me place the misplaced shame.....proactively protecting myself is new and I still struggle with the being good bullshit so thank you. Not a defeat but simply a step back as I do not wish to have that frenetic energy in my life right now. Excellent.. All about building our coping mechanisms I guess.

I so find this critically important & so tremendously hard to do. :hug:

 

[Chava]

Side note: I went through years of feeling responsible for my mom's feelings and wanting to help or take care of her....make her feel better. But she was physically abusive, laid guilt on everyone, and blamed everyone else for her bad feelings and her own trauma triggers. She was never diagnosed, but I assume some borderline traits. She'd go on rampages, making me the object of her rage. If she hurt me, it was my fault. So for a long time I feel like I was trying to look out for her feelings. That really helped neither of us. in the end I moved across the country and instead of feeling guilty about it, I felt like an intelligent adult. And I was my own parent.

Oddly I handle conflict okay, most likely because I do not expect much from relationships to begin with. But I'm probably hyper-sensitive to some of the games, subtle manipulations, and similar behavior patterns I see on this site. For myself, I also just need to know when to back away because nothing I'm saying gets through.

Boundaries are good, for us and for others.

 

[Crow]

I completely relate.

 

[Tinyflame]

Me too.

:hug:

 

[Rumors]

I guess I should have practiced what I preached.... Officially there myself.

 

[Crow]

Sorry to hear that @Rumors

 

[The Albatross]

I can and do use the ignore function when necessary. I sort of see it as a "filter". Tipped my own self over yesterday... TMI and very graphic... but I didn't have to read it. They are not on ignore as I can recognize my own stuff.

It doesn't mean that it's particularly "permanent"... It means it's just not where I am right now/anymore. It is also part of my own self recognition process... where I am not called to be "all things to all people" or to please. When I feel able, the ignore comes off. Sometimes it works, sometimes it goes back on. I was here for quite a long while I think before I ever used the feature because I needed/wanted exposure and alternative opinions from all comers.

 

[Born to Run]

Here's how to go unchecked: slam other members in new posts so that context is lost. Idealize and flatter the administrators. Confess to abusing another being and when challenged, post about wanting to act out in suicidal ways. Blame others for feeling triggered. No matter what is happening in the present, or who is responsible, play the victim card. Gather as much attention as possible and idealize or totally devalue posters based on how well they validate your victimhood and behaviors. Attempt to make others feel guilty for personal feelings. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I noticed this and ignored without buttons. This whole thread to me is reading between the lines in how far one person should be allowed the right to make so many people feel uncomfortable on this forum. My answer is no, that person does not have that right.

 

[jaccat]

I've a few people on ignore. One rubbed me up the wrong way (and I think may since have been banned), one I found triggering, and another- it's not about them at all, it's completely about me. I don't even have anything against about this member but I cannot read any of their (perfectly amiable) posts without intense discomfort. It's a trigger, but not their fault. They just happen to remind me of a person from my past. I do feel a little bad about ignoring them but I didn't for a long while and the discomfort never decreased. So I gave in. I'm not feeling ashamed. I tried my hardest, but it just wasn't to be. Not yet, anyway.

 

[The Albatross]

I put one person on ignore just for the graphic nature of their avatar. Found it wholly inappropriate on a site that allows 13 year olds and up.

 

[joeylittle]

This whole thread to me is reading between the lines in how far one person should be allowed the right to make so many people feel uncomfortable on this forum.

I think this is a very useful observation. The first place I go (as a member, even more than administrator), is that no-one can 'make' anyone else feel anything here. That we always have to remember there is action, and then effect. As in, "X posts this, and I feel uncomfortable". Now, the ball is in your court as to how you want to manage those feelings that you are having.

No-one here has the power to make or force you to feel anything.

But - the big but - is that we are all here re-learning how to regulate and parse and re-frame our own emotions. So, it's entirely possible to be triggered by content on the site. And the question becomes: how does the site - both the community and the leadership - handle that triggering?

Which is what you are asking - is there a line that can't be crossed.

For the greater good of all the members here, I'd hate to try and impose a line about trauma content. We've all been through something horrible - and the reason this site is so important and helpful is that we can write about our horrors, without judgement. We can find people who identify with what we are going through.

I'm not really coming to a conclusion here, but I wanted to articulate something that I believe is very important to this community - the ability to speak freely - even when it's hard. I also want to say that this community relies on each member demonstrating the ability to listen, just as freely. When a member stops listening, and gets stuck in a place where they can only assert themselves repeatedly....that is a real factor that does become negative for the group over time. It's only that it does happen over time, not overnight.

/end ramble