General Need Opinion

[Mr. Jonathan]

My girlfriend of 1 year and a few months has severe PTSD and is basically having delusions. I had to call her family in another state and now they are coming to get her and take her back to their home to get treatment. While we are waiting for this she will not stop yelling at me, I cant sleep more than a few hours without her coming in the room and yelling non stop about all kinds of things and being very mean and emotional. I know she is heart broken and feels terrible like everything is her fault, she will cry for a bit then that will stop and then the torment starts again..non stop...this has been going on for about 8 days now and I already have had to deal with keeping out of the crappy inner city 72 hour hols, I had a family member of hers come over once but they dont want to get involved. I am stuck until the father arrives, mean time she is calling my family and work and friends saying strange things....I feel so guilty for telling her she has to go, but I am falling apart and although she has made decent strides, its like they never happened and is worsen now than ever. The family is not to keen on supporting her but as a boyfrind I do not know what is considered ok.

 

[Born to Run]

I am sorry for your situation. I wonder if your girlfriend could not go to a psychiatrist or psych crisis intervention centre or something alike in your own neighbourhood? Why do the parents need to be involved as to come and get her? Maybe this has to do with age or insurance? Also could you not keep phones out of her sight; you don't need to take it all.

 

[EveHarrington]

Can you perhaps elaborate a little bit more? What are you asking in terms of being ok? Are you asking if it's ok to call her family? Make her move out? What you can do?

 

[Sweetpea76]

Are you asking if it is OK to ask her to leave?

 

[HoosierGal]

@Mr. Jonathan , I'm so sorry for both you and your girlfriend, you're in a tough situation that really is neither of your faults, but its difficult to know what the right thing to do is. It sounds like you truly care and want to help. Could you clarify the situation a bit more to help us give you the best advice we can?

You say you've called her family and are waiting for them to come get her. Do you know when exactly they will arrive and is she aware they are coming?

You also mention her family isn't keen on helping. Do you feel they can be trusted to provide support and help her find adequate care?

When you say you feel guilty for telling her she has to go, do you mean "go" as in go back home until she is stable/better or "go" as in breakup?

Sorry if any of these questions are too personal. If you don't feel comfortable answering them, or simply don't know the answer, don't feel pressured to answer. It just might help you get some better answers :) You sound like a caring, strong person. As someone who has suffered from my own PTSD breakdowns, I can tell you that having someone care about you can make a big difference - even if it doesn't always show at the moment.

 

[Mr. Jonathan]

@Mr. Jonathan , I'm so sorry for both you and your girlfriend, you're in a tough s...

Thank you for the reply, I truly appreciate it. The reason she has to go is because I am getting dragged down into a world where I cannot sleep because she yells all the time at me unless heavily sedated with xanax or some other drug. She needs a doctor that can help her figure out her meds for sure. I am the only support financially and my money is running out, it is extremely stressful all day and night. The house has been torn apart for 10 days now and I am not allowed to help organize without getting yelled at and told to get the F away. I am being verbally abused at any little thing I do or say. I dont really want to break up but I cannot be in this relationship because their is no relationship that is happening. This is totally consuming 24/7, I am at work and I get constant messages about some problem, I get home and it;s the same thing..thats why I had to let her parents know I need help handling the situation. She needs someone to care for her that has the resources and patience to do so, my patience is wearing very thin because I am watching my life fall apart. I had to miss work again today and I am about ot lose my job..who will care for me? I am just at my wits end as to what to do anymore, she is delusional making connections where there really arent any, at lease I dont see any. She is very mean to people for no reason in public and cries all the time. I know this is not her fault and I do really care, I spoke with my family and they are very concerned for me now but are in a different state and have lives and kids to take care of so I cany burden them that much. Its just a really sad situation, she feels like no one wants her and is in a severe depression, pills and alchohol are the only thing making her sleep. This is no way to live, but I understand that some people do live this way because they cannot find peace any other way...thank you so much for the thoughtful response.

 

[Mr. Jonathan]

Can you perhaps elaborate a little bit more? What are you asking in terms of being ok? Are you ask...

I feel awful but I need her to leave because I need sleep and a normal routine, I am someone who needs to be able to rest and relax after work to decompress, I cannot handle the crying and yelling and drug abuse. Its too much and my life is falling apart, that's why i notified her family. I figured they would want to help but they have been through this before and has burnt many bridges with them, so I understand their hesitance on taking her in their homes again. The bottom line is in about 6 months I will be broke and forced to take care of only myself..its just a sad situation and I guess I cannot worry about feelings getting hurt at this point...I wish I could fly away.

 

[EveHarrington]

Please try not to feel guilty because you are trying to take care of your own needs.

The truth is that if she is abusing/using drugs, this could greatly exacerbate her symptoms.

I truthfully believe that it is ok to walk away from this person and this situation. I do not think you are being selfish or uncaring by admitting that you cannot handle this situation. I realize that you're in a very tough position and you truly care about this person.

Please take care of yourself.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sometimes it is all too much... Somebody on here once said being a supporter is a bit like the lecture you get from stewardesses when you fly. In the event of an emergency put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.

In other words, you cant help or support anybody if you're in shambles yourself.

 

[HoosierGal]

EveHarrington is so right in daying that drug abuse and usage could exacerbate her PTSD symptoms - and even create mor problems.

I agree with her when she says it is acceptable for you to walk about from her and the situation.

It sounds like your girlfriend needs much more help than you can emotionally or financially provide. And it sounds like trying to help is draining you and negatively impacting your life.

It is noble that, rather than simply leaving or kicking her out, you are trying to get her decent help first. Thank you for doing that. Even though this is very difficult for you, you shouldn't feel guilty about your decision.

I really hope you both find some peace!

 

[Mr. Jonathan]

EveHarrington is so right in daying that drug abuse and usage could exacerbate her PTSD symptoms - an...

Thank you and everyone on here for the advice and support, this board is truly amazing and I wish I had found it a year ago. She is leaving within a couple days to the east coast and will be living with family there, I just hope she can get the support and care she needs and deserves. This whole episode has really opened my eyes to how awful the US is with mental health care, when I said she abused drugs it is true but it is the medicine that is prescribed and unfortunately this seems to be all too common with people on addictive meds that they need to function. I really am suspect of these drug companies and doctors, I know there are some really great doctors but I also know there are some that only know how to prescribe meds and have no other advice. Thank You, I believe I am going to get involved in helping people with PTSD somehow, people are not throwaways, and its a crime that many people think they are.

 

[HoosierGal]

Thank you and everyone on here for the advice and support, this board is truly amazing and I wish I...

When I was 1st diagnosed with PTSD, it was at at a well-meaning but overworked, understaffed, free mental health clinic. Their solution seemed to be "throw meds at the problem." I was 20 at the time. In a year long period I was placed on more anti-depressent, anti-anxiety, sleeping, attention-deficit, and other meds than I can count. I was even prescribed lithium (typically used for bi-polar patients) and never once weighed or had my blood pressure checked (people on lithium are supposed to have regular blood checks). There was never any breaks between med changes - I just stopped taking one and immediatly started another when it didn't work. I ended up feeling absolutly insane, more likely due to all of my unregulated med-usage than my PTSD. I ended up leaving that place and becoming afraid of mental health care.

It was only by the grace of God that my boyfriend's dad happened to be a psychologist. He was able to get me to a real psychiatrist who helped me find the right med for me, and pay for an expesive but experienced therapist. I'm now taking only one low-dosage sleep aid and between that and therapy, I feel a million timed better and have my PTSD controlled more than I ever did on any of the meds the old place I went gave me.

I'm not trying to make this about me at all, because this is about you and your gf, but in short: yes, you are 100% right about the mental health care system in the US. But if your gf and her family are willing to fight for decent care, it is possible to get and can offer hope for PTSD I sincerely hope she is able to find a decent psychiatrist and therapist and gets back on her feet soon.

Like others have said, take care of yourself.