Seriously Struggling With Reaching Out

[Kintsugi]

Hm. So. I spent a lot of time Sunday responding to another member's post regarding communication with a partner, and as I doled out my best attempts to help them, I realized that the shoemaker's children are barefoot, if you will.

I'm scared of rejection, @The Albatross, and yes, I accepted on some level Sunday that I was making decisions in a vacuum, which is a problem for me. I build up a version of someone in my head who is not reflective of the actual person, and then I have pretend interactions with the distorted version of them in my head that drives me further and further away from the idea of actually talking to the real person.

Totally counter-productive.

I'm not sure exactly why, but when I want to mend a bridge with someone, I have this overwhelming sense that I need to bring something to them. Some token, story--something that makes me feel worthy of renewed attention.

I need to get over that feeling and just be able to pick up the phone and say, "Hey girl. I know I'm crazy. I'm sorry I've been out. I hope we can spend some time when you've got it. I've missed you terribly."

Or something.

I'm not quite there yet, and I don't know why, but at least I'm trying to bring myself to the idea that that is the only way to fix how hauntingly bad I feel about the whole thing.

 

[Kintsugi]

Well, The Great Winter has ended for now. I'm sorry to say it wasn't my courage that undid the silence. My friend asked me yesterday if I wanted to have lunch.

We met earlier today. Did not speak of my terrible-ness. It was actually just a tad awkward, which is a sad thing, because it's never been awkward. When I saw her, all I wanted to do was give her a big hug and say, "I thought I was going to die without you."

I'm sure we'll talk about it soon. She is my best friend because we're very open and honest and talk about the tough stuff. My task now is to check in with her daily. If I don't do it every day, I know I will slide back into Oblivion. It's the little things that matter, anyway, all of the little pictures and jokes that I never sent her because I was too afraid of rejection after not seeing her for so long.

I wish I could say I took action, but I'm relieved that this spell has ended.

 

[Sassafras]

My best friend in this area has been so much help to me. She has always been there for me, al...

Wow. Thanks for sharing all that. I agree with you actually ringing her. I know it's scary. I would write a script and read it whilst you talk. Prep your paper so you have loving replies if the chat goes that way.


Sounds like she's burned out. If there is a charity or your government can set you up with support worker/s...... I receive 2hrs mon-wed-Friday. I've been able to keep my friendships as I discuss ask for help, sit silently crying with my trained people. Having PTSD is so individual and horrendous.

Are you on medication? Get on meds. They will at least help get to to face the day.

Take care. Sass

 

[Sassafras]

Well, The Great Winter has ended for now. I'm sorry to say it wasn't my courage that undid the silen...

Hey Simon. Just read your update. So so pleased for you.

Those intrusive thoughts are horrible.

So glad you met up. A wee thought to stop this past scenario gapping again..... Get the help from professionals or volunteers or research studies you can find on the net. Sounds like she's letting you know she has a limit. We all do. Maybe give her 3/4 of yourself and reach out to someone else for the 1/4 left.

Take care. You sound like a good guy.

Sass