Question For Those Who Have Processed Their Trauma

[Sandstone]

Over the years I've seen people here who have processed their trauma{s}, but are still suffering various PTSD symptoms / reactions / meltdowns.

Is it just that these are fewer, or are they different in nature? What changes after processing?

 

[Lionheart]

I am disabled X 18 years with PTSD and I have been in therapy for all of that time and have processed my traumas. What is different now is that I have an adult understanding of things and do not suffer the same intensity or frequency of symptoms, while some problems have stopped completely.

However, I suffered severe, prolonged traumas at an early age and I believe my PTSD is somewhat treatment resistant or perhaps I should say that it is going to be a life-long healing process for me for whatever reason, but we know that as of right now, PTSD cannot be cured and can only be treated.

 

[shimmerz]

I am less emotionally attached to the traumas. As Lion states, I have more of an adult understanding of them.
I think my therapy and research has also allowed me to look at trauma reactions that I get now (flashes etc) from a more outside, less freaked out, more logical point of view. It is much easier now.

I agree with Lion as well about developmental stuff. I am now aware that I am different because of my childhood. I have just come to the fact that I am okay with that. Self acceptance.

 

[anthony]

Like above, mine is severe and classified as lifetime -- the difference is that I don't have past thoughts haunting me every night or day, symptoms are far less intense and frequency is few and far between. I tend to have a meltdown once or twice per year, where they may last a few days to week or so, but then I'm pretty good the remainder of the year, providing I still manage my exposure to stressors.

If I don't manage myself, then my anxiety and depression will escape me fast enough... but if I get myself back on track promptly, then my recovery to normal is near instant. No prolonged and ongoing suffering, basically, for weeks, months or near all year.

 

[shimmerz]

providing I still manage my exposure to stressors

Yeah, this is a big one for me as well. And in order to manage my exposure I need to recognize that I am human and not beat the crap out of myself for 'failing'. Hardest.part.ever.

Stress will always be my Achilles Heal where I feel like I used to thrive on it before.

 

[EveHarrington]

My trauma memories are now just like my other memories in that they don't send me into an over the top emotional state. My symptoms are a lot better and my overall functioning is higher.

But, like last night, I sometimes get smacked by symptoms when I get stressed. I'm dealing with anxiety surges and wasn't able to sleep. In the past I would have put myself through a mental cartwheels for failing to do what I had scheduled today. Instead I was able to stop the negative thoughts by telling myself that I'm allowed to have my bad days. The world, or rather my world, is not going to shatter. I'm able to use my skills to quell the anxiety (but it's still there).

Some of the worst stuff is gone, but when I get hit by stress my symptoms increase and remind me that I still have a stress disorder.

It is nice having more and more symptom free days.

 

[ladee]

Some key words here in the comments are how it is for me today. I see things as and adult. I am not powerless to lessen whatever I am feeling. I have gained many tools along the way. I have fewer meltdowns, but stress is part of life and I just have to remain aware then things are getting too much. I have accepted that I have PTSD and will never see the world or the people in it like most people. I am not terminally unique, I have many 'brothers and sisters' here that feel the same way I do.And like was shared, I get to have bad days. As long as I am not striking out at others and making a mountain out of a molehill. I was relieved to find out I will never be 'cured'. That meant I didn't have to keep striving for some illusionary nirvana that did not exist. I still have my days, but I function for the most part in the world around me. In some ways, having PTSD has given me a lot more compassion for people... we never really know what someone else is going thru.

 

[Sandstone]

I'm so glad there is hope! It's good that you can identify how you have moved on.

It sounds though there are two, or maybe three, categories of change. One, summed up by

My trauma memories are now just like my other memories in that they don't send me into an over the top emotional state.

and I think

I am less emotionally attached to the traumas. As Lion states, I have more of an adult understanding of them.

is referring to the same thing, though you might like to say more about that @shimmerz and @Lionheart777

Then there is the acquisition of skills and recognising the need to manage yourself

I'm pretty good the remainder of the year providing I still manage my exposure to stressors.

I have gained many tools along the way

and maybe accepting that it is OK to need those skills

In the past I would have put myself through a mental cartwheels for failing to do what I had scheduled today. Instead I was able to stop the negative thoughts by telling myself that I'm allowed to have my bad days

I need to recognize that I am human and not beat the crap out of myself for 'failing'.

So the next question would be, how much of these three areas of growth and change comes directly from the processing, and how much from the stabilisation and skills learning that goes around it?

 

[ladee]

Hmmm, a hard question to answer. I know for me there is no black and white answer. A combination of both . Sometimes the processing, getting overwhelmed, doing the things I had learned to ground myself. At first it was a whirlwind of hell. Then gradually, some things fell into place.... then setbacks, off the rails for awhile, then back on track.... hope someone has a more clarifying answer than I can provide. Guess I never gave it much thought I was simply trying to hold on to my ass until something shifted.And sometimes said to hell with it and down the rabbit hole I went. A roller coaster that wasn't any fun. I belonged to a club I never wanted to have to join. resistance, surrenders, Like I said, hope some one has a more astute way of wording the journey... that reminds me everyday, I have not 'arrived'....

 

[Seasounds]

What changes after processing?

For me, initial processing of my major events helped 'carve away the first layer of the onion', so to speak. Felt freer, for sure. Then, to my surprise, there were more and more layers. Once I had finished with the layers, events of everyday life would, to varying degrees, trigger the major events I had processed.

Now, I'm in a process of making choices to choose friends (who don't loose their tempers, or have anger problems and work situations that are no too chaotic. These decrease the daily triggers. I'm also diligent at self-growth work and therapy, that provide me with many coping tools. I use meds for anxiety and depression meds.

What you speak to interests me: how do sufferers and their loved ones, make changes so that they can live together, using nonviolent communication and healthy coping skills, to build and maintain an enjoyable and healthy relationship.

Everyone is different.

 

[Go Hungry]

I can't say for sure that I'm free of them, but I can say that I've gotten them largely under control. I still have problems with triggers setting me off, sometimes for the smallest of reasons. It just depends. But I'm much better at getting myself back under control before episodes set off a full blown meltdown. Stick with it.. it's worth it.

 

[shimmerz]

though you might like to say more about that

I am processing in upper brain. Because of that I am not going catatonic, freezing up, or shaking and shivering etc. I am able to eat and sleep and perform basic self care. That is huge for me.

People kept telling me that I didn't need to 'know' the traumas I went through; that it would re-traumatize me. I needed to know and insisted that we go through them. Because of that, I know that moving is one of them; way high up on the list. I am in the midst of a HUGE move across countries now.

Since I know that is going to be a huge stressor time, in my upper brain I can rationalize that in order to stay healthy I need to not add stressors, be kind to myself if I am 'not quite right', and not expect much of myself. I used to be like a bull in a china shop with myself. I am not now. Because it wasn't smart given my PTSD issues.

acquisition of skills

I drove into town today in the worst weather ever. You need to know my story to understand how messed up that can potentially make me. As I was driving I noticed that my hands were white knuckled on the steering wheel, something I wouldn't have noticed before. Then I noticed my shoulders were all tight. Then I noticed my breathing was off. These are all things I have learned that lead me into having a really shitty day, week, perhaps even month.

1. I released the tension in my hands.
2. I relaxed my back.
3. I breathed, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 inhale, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 exhale and processed whatever anxiety related thoughts I had as I drove. Then I breathed again.

So the next question would be, how much of these three areas of growth and change comes directly from the processing, and how much from the stabilisation and skills learning that goes around it?

I think the biggest thing for me is catching it before it hits big. Small stresses open me up to so much bad. I watch for my body reactions first (white knuckling, hunched shoulders, walking funny, dizzy, confused). I can't yet figure out whether I am breathing properly on its own, but the above body issues show me my breathing is off. Breathing is everything.

When the processing of my trauma was happening I was toast for stabilization. It was too much. I couldn't figure out my body issues. So I think during the processing stage I learned I just needed to process and go through hell, not allow myself to be ashamed and trust I would get through to the next stage.

During this processing time I slowly noticed my body issues which were quite consistent to my triggers. For instance, I used to turn in my right foot .... and that showed me that I needed to reassess what was happening in the moment. Even just saying out loud 'my right foot is turned in, I wonder what is happening?' helped a ton. The words seemed to bring it up to my higher brain some. Then I graduated to attempting to straighten my right foot and see what happened....

Anyways, I could go on and on. It is fascinating really, if it isn't happening to you or me, which it is. *heavy sigh* My biggest word of advice would be to use as many higher brain functions as possible while recognizing changes in body state. Talk about them, look at them, feel the difference when you challenge them.

No idea if this makes sense to anyone else, but that is my take on it. @stenni, there is absolutely hope. Great hope. Don't ever give up my friend. :hug::hug: