1001 Ways To Appear Functional (even Though You're Not)

[EveHarrington]

I thought this was a fun idea for a thread. Not being functional isn't really funny in and of itself, but I figure if I can find something to laugh about, it makes coping with it all a bit easier.

1) Dry Shampoo. Yes, I love this stuff. I really should buy stock in Batiste, LOL. Dry shampoo lets me get away with not showering for longer than I should. Heck, I don't even style my hair anymore. I just dry shampoo and go. "Of course I take care of my personal hygiene! Just look how fabulous my hair is!" ;)

2) Febreeze. Best stuff ever! Don't want to/can't do laundry and have nothing to wear? Febreeze your clothes! Honestly I've been doing this since college and I was a bit more functional then. I recommend the unscented kind as the regular stuff has a distinct smell and may give away your secret.

3) Constantly tell people that you're "so busy". It will give you a ready excuse for those times when you're not functional enough to do anything social. I don't like lying. What am I busy doing? Isolating and being non functional. It really does take up a lot of my time. ;)

4) Own a ton of underwear. Like my gramma always said, gotta be wearing clean underwear in case you're in an accident and the EMTs need to take your clothes off! I'm cracking up right now because it's pretty hilarious that a grandmother would teach this to her grandchild. So yes, if you're ever in an accident, be wearing clean underwear so at least the EMTs think you're functional! You need a lot because being non functional means laundry is a low priority.

This is the start of my list. I know I'll think of more ways that I fake functionality.

What do you do to show the world you're functional even when you're not? No holding back, I'm sure we all have our secrets!

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Though the 1) and 2) can hardly be bought here. 3) is my main thing to do ever.

And whew, I have a shitload of underpants... :)

 

[Stickler]

One large bag. That's where all the stuff goes so you have an even chance of having it with you when you leave.

 

[digger]

• Leave cleaning stuff out on a surface, or the vac in the middle of the floor, so if anyone does that thing of calling to your house, it permanently looks like they caught you in the middle of cleaning the house - it's not always in this state.....honest ;)
• Hair not washed/brushed? - wear more hats (this one is easier to get away with in winter)

 

[digger]

• Start your day with a blank piece of paper and as you do things, (got up, wore hat, sprayed clothes with febreze etc) write them on it and cross them off. At the end of the day, scrawl TO DO LIST across the top of the paper - it will look like you have accomplished allthethingsonalist

 

[Fadeaway]

The oven is a great place to hide dirty pots and pans that need scrubbing. Keep doors shut.

 

[Suzetig]

I work from home. A lot. Means I can get tasks done when I'm at my best (often the middle of the night) and hide from people when I feel the need to isolate. You do need a fairly accommodating boss for that one though.

 

[Friday]

I have a shitload of underpants...

In context... :roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@FridayJones
Indeed, though, I like to shove big loads of stuff in wardrobes. Cubic meters of to-do stuff.

 

[jaccat]

Refuse to own a mobile because you profess to be a technophobe, forcing people leave messages for you on your landline, and then when they wonder why you fail to respond, tell them you forgot to check your messages.

Or, alternatively, communicate only by e-mail. Isolating? What isolating?

 

[Forgetful]

@digger you make me laugh. :roflmao: I will have to try that one. My daughter (adult) was horrified one day when she saw shower and get dressed on my to do list. She couldn't believe that someone would have to remember to do that.:banghead:

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG lol I do these, (& others are good suggestions ;) ).

. you're "so busy". It will give you a ready excuse for those times when you're not functional enough to do anything social. I don't like lying. What am I busy doing? Isolating and being non functional. It really does take up a lot of my time. ;)

:roflmao:

Own a ton of underwear

I can be wearing rags but also almost always the most gorgeous underwear lol. (You see I was just 'painting'.. ? :wideeyed: )

One large bag..where all the stuff goes so you have an even chance of having it with you when you leave.

More so because of abuse emergencies for me but still, that's organized @Stickler. :tup:

• Leave cleaning stuff out on a surface, or the vac in the middle of the floor, so if anyone does that thing of calling to your house, it permanently looks like they caught you in the middle of cleaning the house

I don't do this on purpose but I do it! :)

Keep doors shut.

I am a privacy freak even without functionality.

can get tasks done when I'm at my best (often the middle of the night) and hide from people when I feel the need to isolate.

I do this too, =energy.

Indeed, though, I like to shove big loads of stuff in wardrobes. Cubic meters of to-do stuff.

OMG @Saelben you are me. :)

Refuse to own a mobile because you profess to be a technophobe, forcing people leave messages for you on your landline, and then when they wonder why you fail to respond, tell them you forgot to check your messages.,Or, alternatively, communicate only by e-mail. Isolating? What isolating?

I seriously thought by doing this ^ I was reaching out @jaccat .:laugh:

These are too funny. A "To-Done" list, I really like that @digger . :tup: :hug:

Lots of times I just leave my face on & carry on the next day. :hungover: Apart from necessity hair clips mascara & nail polish are good because I can't use this: :bag: - too bad. :hilarious: Really pretty too, after a couple of hours of sleep. :eek:

I wish I could wear a sign, "I was really functional at 3a.m., honest. Check out my browsing history". :)